20 jokes that are absolutely classic and super hilarious

20 jokes that are absolutely classic and super hilarious

1. A man looked for his dog in the park and later found his dog working with a girl's dog. Look at the blushing girl. The man said with a teasing face, I will do that! Just listen to the girl embarrassed to say: that? Then try it. Anyway, that's your bitch.

2. A beautiful young woman got on the bus in a tight skirt. Because the skirt was too tight to lift her legs and get on the bus, she secretly reached out and unbuttoned a button at the back, but still couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one, or couldn't get on, unbuttoned another one. But I still can't get up. At this time, a man behind him reached out and helped her unbutton a button. The woman feels it, and then scolds the man? Rogue? ! The man was very wronged and said:? I'm a gangster? You unbuttoned three buttons in front of me, and I didn't say a word. I only unbuttoned one button! ?

3. Once upon a time, a prostitute charged according to three different standards:

1. On the lawn, 10 dollars once.

2. On the bench, 20 dollars a time.

3. In bed, 30 dollars a time.

In the morning, a man came in and left a 10 dollar bill on the table. They went out to look for the lawn. At noon, another man came in and left $20 on the table. They found a bench.

In the evening, another man came in and left $30 on the table.

When the prostitute saw the money, she smiled and said, You have a good eye. ?

The man said,? On the grass, three times. ?

Ada took the children to buy cows, checked the cows one by one, and finally touched the breasts. The child asked:? Dad, what's this? Ada replied:? Check carefully and don't buy bad cows. Remember, when you grow up, you will do the same. ?

The child thought for a moment: Dad! Does my mother want to sell it, too? Uncle Wang examined his mother in the same way yesterday. ?

A lady went to practice playing golf with her friends for the first time. When serving, she swung hard, and the ball missed and flew to a group of people. Then she saw a man lying on the ground, his hands between his thighs, rolling down the hill in pain. The lady immediately ran over to apologize and told the injured person that she had learned some nursing, hoping to check his injury before the ambulance arrived. The injured felt that it was unnecessary, but the lady insisted that others also advised the injured to let her check first, and the injured had to reluctantly agree.

Miss wants the injured person to lie flat first, relax all over, then put his hands flat on his sides, then gently unzip the injured person's pants and reach in and gently touch them.

She asked the injured: How does it feel here? The injured person said helplessly, it feels good there, but my thumb still hurts to death! ?

6. Don't give your husband Viagra: Early in the morning, my wife asked her husband: Honey, where do you want to have breakfast? McDonald's or KFC? The husband replied:? Probably the role of Viagra! I don't want to eat anything! ? At noon, the wife asked her husband, Honey, where do you want to have lunch? Going to a restaurant or at home? The husband replied:? Probably the role of Viagra! I don't want to eat anything! ? While eating, the wife asked her husband, Honey, where do you want to eat? To the restaurant or at home, the husband replied: probably it is the role of Viagra! I don't want to eat anything! ? The wife can't help but say: Then please let me go! I'm hungry!

7. The female instructor went to the countryside to publicize the family planning work. In order to demonstrate, the female instructor picked up a condom and pointed it at her left thumb, explaining to the farmers that contraception could be used. As a result, a month later, a farmer angrily ran to the theory, raised a condom on his left thumb and said to the female instructor: Every time I have sex with my wife, I do it your way, and as a result, she is still pregnant! ?

8. Sleeping with women of different ages:

An 8-year-old girl should tell a story to put her to sleep;

18 years old to tell stories to trick her into sleeping with you;

28-year-olds don't have to sleep with you automatically;

At the age of 38, she will tell you stories to put you to sleep;

Tell stories at the age of 48 and avoid sleeping with her;

58 years old, no matter what story she tells, she won't sleep with her.

9. A beautiful lady is lying on the examination bed. The doctor touched her breast with his hand and said, "Of course, you must know what I am doing. The beauty whispered, "I know, you are checking whether I have breast cancer." Encouraged, the doctor pushed his luck and continued to massage her stomach, saying, "You know what this is about!" " She smiled and said, "Yes, you are checking your cecum. At this time, the doctor can no longer control his lust when he sees the opportunity. He took off his clothes and made love to her very enthusiastically. Say, "You must know what this is for, right?" The beauty said, "Yes! You are checking me for syphilis, which is the main purpose of my coming here. "The doctor fainted! ~~~

10. During the gold rush in the United States, an aristocratic troupe on tour wanted to bring some cultures to the west. In front of a vulgar audience, they performed a play in which the heroine died. The hero said sadly, what should I do? What should I do? Someone immediately shouted upstairs:? Have sex with her before she gets cold! ? This vulgar remark spoiled the whole atmosphere. So the next day, the manager of the troupe went to the sheriff and told him that the troupe wanted to bring some noble entertainment to the local people, but the rude performance of the audience ruined all the atmosphere. The sheriff assured the manager that there would be no more trouble. The next night, the sheriff brought two guns and sat in the front row. Everything went well until there was a scene in which the hero and heroine were very enthusiastic. The hero kissed the heroine and said to her, Ah! What is sweeter than your red lips in the world? Just then, the sheriff jumped up and waved two guns and said to the audience. If that bastard says it's a female breast, I'll shoot him! ?

1 1. I went to see a doctor alone. I'm sorry to say this, so I wrote a note: I don't understand why my younger brother is short and sleeps with his wife. What should I do? The doctor made a prescription without answering. Holding the younger brother in one hand and the cucumber in the other; There are both shades, and all kinds of inserts are a few times; If the cucumber is too long, take a bite before inserting it.

12. A man went to see a doctor ... The doctor asked him what it was. The man said: don't laugh after listening. The doctor said: hmm. The man took off his pants ... his brother likes matches very much ... The doctor burst out laughing ... The man roared: it's swollen for several days ... you're still laughing! ! !

13. A lady attended a seminar. When someone asked her how she felt about condoms, she replied:? That depends on what's inside.

14. In Taiwan Province province, a couple gave birth to two girls in succession, so they came to the clinic to ask the doctor. Doctor, modern technology is very advanced. What should I do if I want a boy? The doctor said: I guess the posture is wrong. Why don't you two come over? After listening to the whispers, the two left happily; A year later, they came to the clinic again. Doctor, is it a woman again? ,? No way, it's probably still a posture problem! Why don't you do it and I'll guide you! ? The two men arrived at the clinic at the right time ... the doctor was beside them: a little to the left, no, a little up, or no? My wife is in a hurry at this time. All right, honey, go down and get the doctor! ? .

15. introverted Tom saw a beautiful and elegant woman in the bar. After a long hesitation, he finally got up the courage, approached her and asked in a low voice. Can I talk to you? I only heard the woman shout: No, I won't sleep with you! ? The whole bar is staring at them. Tom was embarrassed, blushed and returned to his seat without saying anything. After a while, the woman came up to Tom and whispered, I'm sorry, I'm a student of psychology. I just want to test how people will react in extremely embarrassing situations. ? Tom shouted: You want two hundred dollars? It's too expensive! ?

16. In the dance class, the dance teacher grabbed the girls' arms, and the coach said: one, two, three, four, two, three, four, come back in another position. Three, two, three, four, two, three, four, one more time with your legs apart.

17. A neat man enters a restaurant, orders food and sits down. After a while, he suddenly saw a waiter coming with his order and even put his thumb in it. He felt sick at once, and he managed not to have an attack. Later, when the same waiter served it, he actually put his hand into the dish. Finally, he finished his meal. He decided to report the waiter to the manager. Of course, the manager felt unsanitary and flew into a rage, so he called the waiter to ask. However, the waiter explained, "I'm sorry, because my thumb hurt, and the doctor told me to keep warm at all times, so I did it." However, this neat person was still very unhappy, so he said to him, "Don't put your hand in your ass to keep warm! Having said that, the waiter replied anxiously, "Yes, I just put my hand in my ass when I wasn't serving food." 」

18. The United Nations Health Organization conducted a survey of adolescent girls in three countries for the first time.

China girl said shyly that she married her boyfriend at the age of eighteen. The American girl listed herself as fifteen and gave it to three people. The Japanese girl bowed first, and then asked: What investigation? Is it with the same kind or with other animals?

19. Strippers:? In our line of work, it seems that when you are sick, it is the most uneconomical!

Gynecologist:? What did you say?/Sorry?

Stripper:? Usually we show it to our guests, and we have money to take it. I'll show it to you here.

Not only do I have no money to take it, but I have to give you money. ?

Gynecologist:?

Joan is a well-proportioned female secretary. She spent all her holidays sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. On the first day, she wore a bathrobe. The next day, she thought that no one would see her anyway, so she took off her bathrobe. At this moment, she heard someone coming. Because she was lying down, she took a towel to cover her hips and continued to bask in the sun.

? Excuse me, miss. ? The manager of the hotel came running, so he said out of breath. We don't care about sunbathing on the roof, but we would certainly appreciate it if you could put on your clothes like yesterday. ?

? What is the difference? Joan said coldly. Anyway, no one saw me here. I was covered with a towel. ?

? Not exactly. ? He said,? You are lying on the skylight of the restaurant. ?

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