Jokes about incorrectly written and mispronounced Chinese characters

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Published on: November 4, 2008 at 20:15 47 seconds Source: Permission: Public reading (2) Comments (0) Report this article link: /617920490/blog/1225800947

You deserve to die laughing

Foreigner Hemingway learned Chinese and spoke Chinese Classic jokes

Late night snacks

At 11:30 at night, I was online. Hemingway called me suddenly and said he wanted to treat me to a supper. He was afraid that I wouldn't go, so he drove to pick me up. Come on! No excuse! Go for it!

"Don't come to pick me up, I'll drive myself. Where to go?"

"How about the night stall?"

"Ha! You can eat at the restaurant Are you tired of it?"

"Hey, hey!"

We made an appointment to meet at the beach stall in Hong Kong. Hemingway is the representative of a large American multinational company in China, and he treats people well. I came to China to work for one year and studied Chinese with me for one year. He has a very good sense of language and has a special ability in learning languages. He has been to many countries and learned many "foreign languages". Although he is not proficient in them all, he can at least use them. He feels that Chinese is the most difficult language to learn among all the languages ??in the world. While learning Chinese, he also made many classic jokes. Although I had a lot of bumps and bumps, I learned pretty well.

We arrived almost at the same time, and I chose a food stall that was cleaner and in better condition.

Unexpectedly, as soon as he entered the door, Hemingway shouted in a loud voice in fluent Chinese:

"Boss! Does the pee fried rice taste good?"

Scared me One jump! I stopped him in a hurry:

"What?...What do you mean?" (What? What do you mean?)

The shop owner looked at Hemingway blankly, and all the guests Everyone looked this way, and some people were saying:

"A foreigner is here to make trouble!" "Fuck him!"

Looking at everyone's puzzled eyes, Hemingway said He ran to the door in two steps, carried a big sign in, and placed it in the hall. Submission:

Pee

Fried rice

Everyone was stunned for five seconds, and then burst into laughter.

Chinese textbook

Hemingway’s self-selected textbook when he first started learning Chinese was the Chinese textbook published by the BBC Broadcasting Company. The advertisement on the title page of the book is very provocative, claiming that it is especially suitable for tourists and businessmen to learn Chinese quickly, and even those with no basic knowledge of Chinese can "speak it at a glance".

I can't find a single Chinese character in the entire book. The entire text is in English and Chinese Pinyin. It's a Chinese textbook for illiterate people. It is said that this book is specially prepared for those who give up learning Chinese characters that are as difficult as the Book of Heaven and just want to learn to speak some spoken Chinese. Because he didn’t read Chinese characters at all and just read the spelling

Hemingway proudly showed off his knowledge of Chinese as soon as he saw the translator: "You howl (good) Miss Liu, I hate singers (very happy) throw them to death" You (know you)."

Hemingway cherished the opportunity to talk to the Chinese, and jokes came out one after another. For example, he told his secretary: "My wife (suit) is in her purse." In order to negotiate an agreement, we Make an appointment to meet in my office at eight o'clock. "I was worried that the road was too busy this morning, so I left home at seven o'clock." His good friend returned to China, so what Hemingway often said was: "A burning man (a good man) flew (back)." Every time When he reaches the stairs, Hemingway will bow slightly, showing a typical gentleman's demeanor, and murmurs: "Please be careful about being naked (stairs), obscene, obscene, let's go downstairs together.

Read the text Business

Hemingway: “You Chinese are indeed a hard-working nation.

Secretary: "How come?" "

Hemingway: "Whenever I pass by the street in the morning, I can often see the two big words "Early" written on the roadside signboard, reminding people passing by to go to work not to be late.

"

Uncontrollable

Hemingway participated in the "Mandarin Speech Contest". His opening remarks were as follows: "Ladies and gentlemen, I must first apologize to you for my poor Mandarin speech. Not well. My relationship with your Chinese language is like my relationship with my wife. I love it very much, but I can’t control it. "

Braised Buttocks

When Hemingway first arrived in China, he called steamed buns "newspapers" when he entered the restaurant. The waitress patiently explained: "Newspapers are sold across the road, daily and evening newspapers. Everything is available. "

I wanted to eat dumplings, but unfortunately the word "sedan" came out of my mouth, which made the waitress feel confused.

The waitress was especially confused and even angry. What was surprising was that he actually asked for "braised butt" and claimed that it was his favorite Chinese dish. Seeing that the waitress looked unhappy and even angry, Hemingway hurriedly showed her the menu. He wanted to eat "braised pork ribs"

Good and better

When Hemingway first came to China, he could only speak two Chinese words: "very good" and " Better".

One day, a clerk said: "I'm going to take two weeks off. "

Hemingway said: "Very good. "

The servant said: "Because my father is dead. ”

Hemingway said: “Better. ”

Not things

Hemingway held a staff meeting: “The Chinese call objects ‘things’, such as tables, chairs, televisions, etc., but living animals We don’t call things, such as insects, birds, beasts, humans, etc. Therefore, you and they are not things, and I am naturally not a thing either! "

Pluck dinner

Once when Hemingway was invited to a banquet, the Chinese representative politely told him that a potluck meal was prepared for him tonight. The foreign man looked at the table full of delicacies and said in surprise: " If this is a casual meal, it is truly a 'big meal'. "

It made me lose my appetite all night.

Chinese is so amazing

Hemingway said to the translator: "Your China is so amazing, especially the writing. aspect. For example:

'The Chinese team beat the American team' means that the Chinese team won;

'The Chinese team beat the American team' means that the Chinese team won.

In short, victory will always belong to you. ”

Beautiful everywhere

Hemingway didn’t know the Chinese’s “Where!” where! " is a self-effacing statement. Once when he attended a wedding, he politely praised the bride for being very beautiful. The groom beside him said on behalf of the bride: "Where! where! "Unexpectedly, this foreign man was shocked! He couldn't think of general compliments. Chinese people are not satisfied with it and need to give examples, so he used blunt Chinese words: "Hair, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mouth. All beautiful! "The result caused a roar of laughter in the audience.

Mathematical Chinese

The Chinese name Hemingway gave himself when he came to China was Zhang. He could write the intricate "Zhang" character - and it was also in cursive. , it’s really not easy for a foreigner.

Astonished, he couldn’t help but ask him. He said: “It’s nothing, I just wrote the number three and thirteen-quarters in one stroke. That’s all. "

Faint!

New meaning of the word "kiss"

Hemingway studied Chinese. When he learned the word "kiss", Hemingway raised a question: " The meaning of the word "kiss" is "Don't" and "Kou". How to kiss without moving your mouth? ”

Someone thought for a while and replied with a smile: “Chinese people are relatively reserved in personality, and ‘wu’ and ‘kou’ mean ‘no need to speak’.”

Can you talk when you kiss? "

What is Wei

Hemingway's wife came to China and gave her a Chinese name, Wei. One day the couple met a friend while walking and exchanged pleasantries for a while.

Friend: "What's your wife's surname?" "

Hemingway: "My surname is Wei. "

Friend: "Wei what? "

Hemingway: "Why? Why should the surname be Wei? ”

"English-Chinese Dictionary"

For a while, Hemingway held a thick "English-Chinese Dictionary" all day long, took Chinese words and phrases from the dictionary, and then learned and used them. .

I met him on the boulevard of the industrial park at dusk. I went up to say hello: "Hello! Hemingway, I'm taking a walk."

He said with a smile: "Yes, I I'm wandering here."

I suppressed a smile and asked with interest: "Do you understand what wandering means?"

He replied seriously: "Of course I do, wandering is just here. Walking back and forth from one place to another."

Hemingway likes to introduce himself to people: "I am a rustic person," which always makes everyone laugh. Hemingway himself was surprised because he read in the dictionary that "countryman" translated into Chinese means "rustic person." He just wanted to tell the Chinese that he was a farmer, and he didn't understand why it would lead to such a comedic effect.

Hemingway's habit of copying dictionary terms made him extremely embarrassed on one occasion. I don't know which dictionary he found in the English translation of the word "nonsense", which has a double meaning, one is useless nonsense, and the other is polite meaning, so Hemingway boldly used his new term. A Chinese representative participated in the project negotiation. After the negotiation, Hemingway praised Hemingway for his high level of Chinese. Hemingway quickly imitated the modesty of the Chinese and replied: "You are so flattering. It's all nonsense, nonsense." The Chinese representative immediately had a look on his face. Walked away pale.

Zodiac

The Chinese folk zodiac signs are also a topic of great interest to Westerners. Everyone wants to find out which animal they belong to. Unfortunately, "genus" and "belonging to" Hemingway are often confused.

One day he said excitedly to the secretary girl: "You belong to pigs."

In Chinese, "female" or "male" are used to describe the gender of animals, which was very important to Hemingway. It is too difficult for him to say, because in English, male (male) or female (female) can be used to describe people or animals.

One night Hemingway was taking her dog for a walk on the street. When she saw me, she proudly introduced to me, "This is my female dog."

Hard Hat< /p>

In addition to driving a car, Hemingway also loved riding a motorcycle because it was convenient. I said there are too many cars on the road, so be careful. He answered: It doesn't matter, I will wear a condom. He originally meant "hard hat" (helmet).

Quantifiers

The quantifiers in Chinese also gave Hemingway a big headache. Once he advertised himself as a "hero" and asked him what he meant? He said: "A good-looking man means a thin, tall and good-looking man." He explained that "a good-looking man" naturally means long and straight, and "good-looking man" should of course be a good-looking man.

Another time he told me that he saw "a picture of a puppy" on the highway. I immediately corrected that it should be a puppy, but he retorted with a serious expression that it was definitely a puppy, because the puppy had been run over by the car, and the crushed puppy naturally turned into a puppy, just like Just like a piece of paper or a photo.

In addition, Hemingway plausibly defended things like "a pair of trousers" because trousers have two legs, and two legs are a pair, so it is correct. They even argue with Chinese people everywhere, insisting that it should be "a set of butts" to be logical, which sounds very funny.

Various kinds of "juice"

Once, I tested Hemingway's idiom ability: "Wring out all the ___ juice".

The result is:

"Wring out the ink", "Wring out the milk", "Wring out the juice", "Wring out the soup".

Ha! "You have racked your brains and yet you haven't figured out how to rack your brains."

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