Can you give more classic cross talk jokes?

Open Shi Fukuan.

Shi Fukuan: Hello, everyone. I'm very happy to attend the Peony Awards Gala, especially in Nanjing. This award is of special significance. Because of this Jiangsu, for this sports cause ... (At this time, Hou went on to say)

H: Hey! ! There you are.

Shi Fukuan: Yes!

H: I've been looking for you for a long time!

Shi Fukuan: I've been waiting for you for half a day!

Hou: such a big thing can't be done without you!

Shi Fukuan: Isn't it ~

H: When did you come?

Shi Fukuan: I have been here for some time.

Hou Wenyao: Hehe, hello (at this moment, Yu Qian shook hands and whispered to Shi Fukuan).

Shi Fukuan: Not greeting me ... They talked about them, and then I continued to perform my show.

Hou Yu: Hey! Hey! So there you are! We can't find you!

Shi Fukuan: Yes.

Hou Yu: I can't do it without you!

Shi Fukuan: I'm flattered ~ (at this time, I went to class, and Hou, Yu and Guo shook hands cordially)

Hou Yu: I've been looking for you for a long time!

Guo: Really!

What a mess … I thought you were greeting me!

Hou, Yu and Guo: Hey! Hey! So there you are! This activity is impossible without you! We are looking for you! (Stone looks into the distance to see who else ~)

H: No, I'm looking for you. Don't look around the world.

S: Are you really looking for me?

H: I've been looking for you for a long time!

Yes, why don't you talk to us?

H: yes!

Y: fuck us.

Shi: Fuck me three times, you!

Guo: I have nothing to do here! They can't make a scene with their father ~

Shi: The performance at the awards party … Look at you …

H: Yes, it's a performance. You can't do it alone. Look, look, my apprentice is here ~

Shi: My apprentice is here ~

Guo: They are all here.

Hou: Degang,

Guo: Master, what's the matter?

I heard recently that you and Yu Qian are good.

Guo: Everybody hug ~

H: Yes, that makes sense. You can't just boast.

Guo: Really?

H: but ah.

Guo: You say.

H: You can remember that.

Guo: Hey.

H: Ah, you are one.

Guo: this is a.

He went to B.

Guo: hmm ~ right!

Hou: You, you are a flower.

Guo: I am a flower.

Hi, you are Honghua.

Guo: What happened to him?

H: He is just a green leaf.

Guo: Is this a face shot?

H: Yes, yes, he is green. He looks like ~

Guo: Right, right.

H: isn't it?

Guo: Hmm. I am a red flower and he is a green leaf.

H: Yes, I remember!

Guo: Yes, Master.

I recently cooperated with Degang, and it was very popular with everyone?

Y: everyone patronizes ~

S: Ah. We should have a good cooperative relationship.

Y: we're fine.

Remember, your relationship.

Y: ah, you say.

S: What the old-timer said.

Y: ah.

Shi: People who say cross talk are three points funny, seven points praised, and 70% praised by us.

Y: heavier than him!

S: Of course!

Y: heavy!

After that, remember, we account for 70%.

Y: I have a bottom.

S: Ah.

Y: I see!

H: I said Fu Kuan, it's not easy for us to meet.

S: Isn't it?

H: We are usually very busy. What about these two children? We don't usually manage it.

S: There are few opportunities for rehearsal.

Tell you what, the four of us are here today, let them talk cross talk, and let's find fault.

Great, this is a rare opportunity.

Remember, we are red flowers.

S: Then get seven points.

Guo: I'm much relieved. Let's talk today. It happens that your master is here and so is my master. Please give us some advice. Thank you for your silent encouragement. I am very happy to perform here. Some people know, some people don't. Degang Guo, Yu Qian. Two people, working together for a long time. For me, I always think that Brother Qian is better than me.

Y: you're welcome.

Guo: Why? Because my home is better than mine.

Y: Family education is very important.

Guo: Some people are not familiar with it. Let me introduce Yu Qian's father, Lao Wang of Beijing.

Y: No, no, stop it. My surname is Yu. Why is my father surnamed Wang?

Guo: What do you mean?

Y: Your last name is Yu!

Guo: Do I have to have a surname?

Y: ah-ah.

Guo: You don't know. It's great for old people. Is an old scientist.

Y: engaged in scientific research.

Guo: Learn that name-grave robbery.

Y: Is this scientific research?

Guo: We didn't understand it either, so we went out with shovels, climbed mountains and opened graves. There are pots and pans in it, so we took them out and bought them.

Y: It's called robbing a tomb and digging a grave.

Guo: Great, engage in scientific research.

Y: not scientific research.

Guo: Good things have happened to me.

Y: Have you met him?

Guo: I dug it up when I went out. I saw a body lying in the grave. After a long time, there are no bones, only meat. A tiger skin skirt was tied around her waist, and a small iron bar was thrown on the ground, which read Ruyi Golden Hoop.

Y: My dad threw away Monkey Sun's grave!

K: It weighs 36,000 Jin. His father is quite puzzled.

Y: what did you say?

Guo: Oh, master elder brother's grave.

Y: Where did this come from? Where can I call big brother?

Guo: Isn't that what TV plays are called?

Y: TV plays can be called like this. My father can't be stingy with pigs.

Guo: I don't know if it's true or not.

Y: have a look.

Guo: Really, that's big and long! Get ~ long! The bigger you talk, the smaller you can't take it.

Y: Is it small?

Guo: It's as small as a needle. Pick it up and hide it in your ear.

He is a monkey.

Guo: I just hid. The village chief is here. What are you doing there? It's nothing. It's nothing. Did you dig the Monkey King's grave? Don't! Where is this golden hoop hidden? Take it out. I didn't move. You are looking for bad luck!

Y: what's the matter

K: There is a discount. You want to go. Big! Dead ~

Y: Fuck you!

Shi Hou: Are you finished?

Guo Yu: That's it. Please have a look.

H: come here. Come here, I'll tell you.

Guo: What?

H: Why aren't you as loud as him?

Guo: Did he pin me down?

H: Yes, his voice is suppressing you! In addition, your speech speed is too slow, and there are many gaps in the middle when you speak slowly. He can add words. You can't let him talk. You are a flower girl.

Shi: You, this word is too few.

Y: huh?

Shi: You should talk. You have to say it.

Y: That's all I have.

S: That won't do. Let's talk about it after seven.

Y: Switch him over?

Shi: Besides, you have to be taller to adjust it accurately.

Y: hold him down?

S: You have to run over him!

Y: Don't let him talk?

S: Hey! He will look good if you play like this! Let's get seven points! Do it again! Do it again!

Guo: I grew up. I grew up. My master told me.

Y: Let's try this phonograph again …

Guo: Let me tell you a paragraph.

Y: two people perform.

Guo: Four subjects.

Guo Yu: Speak, learn and sing.

Guo: Let's talk about this phonograph ... (Go on! Then fight! )

Very good!

Guo: We pay attention to taste ~ Ha!

H: that's right

Guo: He hit back! grasp

H: How humorous!

S: This is very humorous. This?

H: Come here, come here.

Guo: He hit back, Master ~

Shi: Crosstalk has been changed to judo. It is out of the question. You are fooling yourself.

H: It's not your child's problem.

S: What's the problem?

H: Are you mentally ill?

Shi: You're right!

Hou: Two people work together. How can you do this? Look at me and Teacher Shi. Let's play it for you.

S: Ah.

Guo: Learn from you.

H: It's called cooperation. The two of us will give you a cross talk this time.

Shi: You see how good it is for two people to cooperate.

H: We have worked together for more than forty years.

Shi: Time is running out.

By now, people may be confused about our names.

S: Don't you see?

H: Let me introduce you.

S: You say.

H: My real name is Hou.

Shi: My real name is.

H: My stage name is.

Shi: My stage name is Shi.

H: Ah, that's right.

Guo: It's really boring.

S: How did I get involved myself? I am a flower, and you are a leaf.

H: Really?

Stone: stone

H: Your name is Shi.

(After the two quarreled, they had a big fight, and the apprentice went to Indiana)

Guo: What a pity to lose this!

H: I've never seen him so unreasonable.

Guo: He's just hanging around.

Shi: How can you be a teacher, you!

H: What is a model?

K: Yes, Master.

H: What do models do? I don't have a fever

S: You don't even know the word model! ?

Guo: Come on, come on, stop your master. Don't say that. How did this happen in your family?

Y: rationality does not lie in height.

Guo: Stop it, stop it, stop it. To be honest, everyone is lazy, you know?

Y: Why am I lazy?

Guo: Are you fanning the flames? This is not.

Y: What stirred me up and ignited me?

Guo: Didn't you say you could fight? (The two quarreled and fought, and the master stepped forward to stop the fight. Don't you know I'm horizontal?

H: Teacher Shi, come here. Come here.

Guo: This cross talk is too tiring.

H: Let me unite with you. Let me explain something to you, Mr. Shi.

Guo: Who else?

Hou: Don't hit people! Stop hitting people.

S: I'm not finished with you.

Guo: I'm talking about learning to tease.

Hou: Learn to speak and sing!

S: Is it funny?

Guo: Changed?

Hou: Teacher Shi, let me tell you something.

S: Ah, ah.

Hou: It is reasonable to say that you have been talking about cross talk for more than forty years.

S: Yes.

Hou: Now it has changed from leaves to flowers.

S: Yes, it sounds very comfortable.

Hou: Hey ~ Actually, all three of us are flowers.

Guo Heshi: Hey ~ Yes!

Y: What about the leaves?

Hou, Shi and Guo: You are the only ones left.

Y: Three flowers, only one leaf for me?

Hou, Shi and Guo: Yes, leaves are leaves.

H: You don't always listen to them. Ah, look, it's fun again ~ just talk about us.

Guo: What about the dog? Are you referring to us?

Shi: Is it funny to have fun?

Y: come here, come here. Who are you with?

S: No, I was a little dizzy when they helped me. I don't know which side I belong to.

Guo: There you are. There you are. You are a flower.

Y: I can't do it.

S: No, not like him. You really want to be this flower.

Y: What's the difference?

S: Look how embarrassed we are to spread flowers. The three of us can talk and sing.

Guo: I can still fight.

Shi: You can't sing.

Y: Why can't I sing? When I was young, I practiced shouting with them.

Shi: I didn't teach you to sing.

Y: Can't I practice by myself?

S: Hey, do you work hard?

Y: that's right.

S: Let's do it. Sing a few words for them to listen to.

I also tell you that as long as you sing well, you are also a flower.

Guo: That's right.

Y: We are all flowers?

H: Yes, all four have become flowers.

Shi: Who is that leaf?

H: That's the gang with Shi Dai. Then it's called Ye.

Shi, Guo and Yu: Oh! A group of people left them.

Shi: Oh, good disciple, sing them a few words.

Y: Did Shi just sing "Today's Celebration Wine"? There is a passage.

Guo: It's really good.

Y: Did I sing? Not bad.

Guo: I'll wait for you after I praise you.

Y: Today, I haven't stopped drinking celebration wine. I will show my talents in Japan and write the spring and autumn with blood.

Very good! It's much better than the stone just now

S: Can you find fault?

H: But let me tell you. If we learn to sing, we can learn two or three points from other Peking Opera actors at most.

Y: Yes, we didn't try so hard.

H: That's right. Why do you want to listen to Beijing Opera and our crosstalk performers? People listen to Yu Kuizhi so well that we can't beat Yu Kuizhi.

Y: you have to learn.

H: So we must change it. I tell you, there are 364 kinds of local songs in China. These words are sung with local operas. How beautiful!

Y: sing all four sentences?

H: Can you sing? But whether you can become a flower.

Y: that's all right. I will learn first.

Hou: You learn first? Let me tell you something. Let me give you a simple example first. Let's learn an example from you according to the first sentence of Peking Opera.

Y: ok, ok. Let me also listen to today's celebration wine.

H: I don't want to return my wish.

S: You will have a long time to show your talents.

Guo: Write Spring and Autumn in blood.

Hou, Shi and Yu: Good!

Mandarin and dialects

Hou linbao

A Do you often speak Beijing dialect when you talk cross talk?

B Hey, why do you often speak Beijing dialect? If you say cross talk, you have to speak Beijing dialect!

A: Ah! This is not right.

B what?

A You should speak Mandarin!

B Isn't Mandarin Beijing dialect?

A is wrong. number

B what?

Beijing dialect is Beijing dialect, and Mandarin is Mandarin.

Oh! This is different!

Well, Mandarin is being promoted now.

B yes.

This is a dialect based on Beijing dialect.

oh

A Beijing music is the standard sound.

B I don't quite understand this!

A you don't quite understand this!

B don't understand.

A: You should study hard! You see, speaking Mandarin has great benefits, because people in Shannan and Haibei are working together now. If they all use dialects, it will be difficult to understand. If they all use Mandarin, they can understand each other.

Oh! Yes, it is.

A: Let's say-

What are you talking about?

A It is easy to understand in Mandarin: "What do you think this is?"

B Is this sentence in Mandarin?

A: well, if you want to use Beij, it will be different from this one.

B How do you say it in Beijing dialect?

"You this? ? What is (zhei)? "

Oh, really? ? .

Answer? ? What is this (zhei)? Mandarin says, "What is this?" Isn't it?

B Yes, yes, that's right.

A: Well, the sentence "You are going to Tianjin" has been changed.

How to say Tianjin dialect?

A "Do you think this (Jay) is (Si) (Ma)?"

B: Hey! This is Tianjin dialect.

A: Is that right?

B: Ah.

Shanghai dialect is different again.

B how about Shanghai dialect?

Look at this.

Here?

A "You (Nong) look (ku) look (ku) What is this (di) (ge) (sa me zi)?"

I don't understand this sentence.

A means the same thing: "What do you think this is?"

B Oh, that's what it means.

A: Is that right?

oh

If A comes to our hometown, this sentence has gone bad again.

B where are you from?

Jiacang county.

Yicang county?

A Cangzhou!

How do you say this sentence?

A "What is this (me)?"

Oh, this is Cangzhou dialect.

A You will go to Fuzhou, Fujian Province. It's different from here.

B yes!

That's even harder to understand.

How to say this sentence in Fujian dialect?

A "You (Lu) see (Kan) what (drunk) is (racing) what (noisy)?"

I don't understand this sentence even more

A So, learning Mandarin is good for everyone!

B yes.

There is not much difference between Mandarin and Beijing dialect.

Oh!

A: It's good for you to learn Mandarin and often listen to cross talk.

B you can learn mandarin.

A: Ah. Crosstalk Isn't it Beijing dialect?

B yes!

A: It just has a lot of rhymes.

Oh! retroflexion

This is the biggest difference. Mandarin says "today", "tomorrow" and "the day after tomorrow".

B: That's right.

A Beijing dialect is not like this.

B what do you say?

A "today", "tomorrow" and "later".

B: Yes!

A has nothing to do, go out for a walk and buy a popsicle.

Oh, this is a rhyming poem.

A: Ah! You see, rhyming here also has its advantages.

What good is that?

A: You have to write it in words. You write "Popsicle", but if you want to talk, you have to say "Popsicle".

b！ Popsicle.

A popsicle, it distinguishes the meaning: Popsicle, it adds this ornament to let you listen to this thing is not big.

Oh! It's nothing.

"Hey! Look, it's hot! Have a popsicle. "

B: Ah.

Let's eat popsicles. This sounds good, if you don't rhyme, it sounds terrible! "It's hot today! You have a popsicle. "

Wow!

A popsicle!

B how big that is!

What is A talking about? Four people carry it to eat?

B then how to eat!

A isn't it?

B: That's right.

It can distinguish the meaning of words.

B yes.

Gado is used as a nickname.

Oh!

A use this to have a baby.

B what?

Let's see a child. Hey, look at this kid. It looks like a flower.

B praise the children.

A "Look, this child looks like a flower."

B: That's right.

He always uses Hua Er. It's a bad idea if you don't have to be childish.

Is it?

Hey, look at this kid. He looks like a flower.

Like a flower?

A "Look, this child looks like a flower." That child looks like hemp seed, and the other looks like kicking a ball.

B boy! There are firecrackers here!

A isn't it?

B.

Rhyming with children has its advantages.

B yes.

A can't rhyme everything.

Is it?

A You see, Beijing dialect has this feature.

B yes.

There are too many rhymes in Jiaer.

oh

A, where is the overlap?

How can B be called overlapping children?

A "fat, thin, busy, fast, gentle." These are all overlapping children.

B oh, yes.

A is the same word, add a word below.

Oh, it's called overlap.

A "This person is fat and that person is thin. Well, you should go at once. Alas! Gently. " Is there any overlap?

B yes.

A: "This person is fat, that person is thin, you are fast, you are slow."

That's not a good idea.

You can say that in Beijing dialect.

What else did you say?

That's adults versus children.

oh

A child has just finished a week, a little over one year old.

B yes, yes.

An adult taught him to speak.

B yes.

A coaxed the child to say so.

B yes.

A "walk slowly"

oh

Answer "I'll take you to the street."

B yes.

A "call uncle, call aunt."

B: That's right.

"Call mom. Put on your hat and socks, and I will take you to buy meat. "

B Ah, that's what I said.

A "Eat jiaozi and buy bags."

B yes.

Jiaozi, a steamed stuffed bun, jiaozi, big bags and small bags to coax children.

B yes.

A hasn't told adults.

B didn't say that to adults.

A Of course, I'm telling you, "Mr. Guo, are you all right?"

B that's all right.

A "Let's go out for a walk."

Let's go Wow.

A "I invite you to dinner."

B good.

A "Let's eat steamed stuffed buns or jiaozi."

B good.

A "put on your hat and let's go." That sounds good! Would you be satisfied if you did those things to the children? "Mr. Guo, are you okay?"

B that's all right.

A "I'll show you around."

B.

A "I'll treat you to a bag."

oh

"Buy you a jiaozi. You put on your hat. "

That's good, so I'm a fool!

A said ok?

B yes.

A this is a children's song.

B yes.

A So when learning Mandarin, you should pay attention to the rhyme of Beijing dialect.

B yes, yes.

A If you want to learn Mandarin by listening to cross talk, you must pay attention. Some actors like to use dialects and dialects.

Oh, dialect.

A.

I also know the local dialect of B here.

Ah, people who leave that place don't understand, and people in other places don't understand much.

B: That's right.

A: Is that right?

B: Ah.

And it is not easy to write.

B Oh, I can't write either.

Belongs to a kind of old Beijing dialect.

oh

A If you can speak Mandarin, these two sentences are easy to understand: "Hello, Miss Guo, I went to see you yesterday, but you weren't there. I waited for a long time and you didn't come back, and then I left. "

oh

Do you understand this sentence?

It's easy to understand.

A: "I went to see you yesterday and waited for a long time. You didn't come back, so I left." Everyone knows that.

B yes.

A You have to use Beijing dialect, which most people can't understand.

What do you say?

"Hey, yesterday's me? You went. "

b？ I went!

A "me? You are jumping. "

B I jump.-okay!

A "I waited for you for a long time, but you didn't come back at all. I lost my mind at a glance. "

B yes.

A: "I ran away."

B, come on!