How to avoid the psychology of revenge?

Hello, my friend, I don't know what caused your revenge. In fact, it is normal for everyone to encounter people and things that have hurt them more or less in their lives, and they will be bitter about it and even have revenge. If the person who hurts you breaks the law, you can naturally punish him by legal means. However, in real life, some harmful behaviors have not risen to the legal level. In most cases, the idea of revenge is limited by law, moral factors and personal ability, and it is rarely really put into action, so the revenge psychology of the injured person is lingering, making it miserable.

You can mention the psychology of wanting to escape revenge, which shows that you are aware of the harm caused by this psychology and that you yearn for sunshine in your heart. My point of view is to face up to and accept my revenge psychology, lead revenge to a positive aspect, and make myself better, so as to be detached from the environment and get rid of the torture of revenge psychology.

I want to tell you a story. A beautiful salesgirl fell in love with a civil servant, and the girl was pregnant. The young couple began to look forward to the sweet life after marriage. Unexpectedly, this marriage was strongly opposed by the man's parents, because the two old people thought that the girl was not worthy of their civil servant son because of secular prejudice. The boy was weak and the struggle was ineffective, so the girl had to abort the child and the two broke up. At this point, everyone may feel angry and sorry for the girl's experience. Indeed, the girl was in pain and even had extreme thoughts of revenge. Let the ungrateful and cowardly man go to see the lost child together! But calm down, she gave up this terrible idea. She quit her job and disappeared into the city. Two or three years later, unexpectedly, the girl was admitted to the city's civil servants, while her ex-boyfriend who accepted the arranged marriage by her parents divorced. The ex-boyfriend still wants to get back together, but the girl has no eye for him. Later, the girl found her own happy home.

This is a real case. Only she knows how much effort and hardship the girl has made in the past two or three years. Now she tells me that at first she thought of taking a college textbook to take the civil service exam, because she really hated it and wanted to get back at her ex-boyfriend. But now she doesn't hate, it is very painful to hate someone, and now she has a family and children, she is very satisfied. My friend, I didn't tell you this story to be a blockbuster like this girl. Instead, I want to say that the best revenge is to live well every day, do what I want to do, add a little motivation to my life, improve myself, and increase my knowledge and ability. When your realm is improved, you may be grateful to those who have hurt you. This is also an experience of life.

How to avoid revenge

No matter what you get hurt for, it's over. If you are still struggling and want revenge.

Did it ever occur to you that this would kill you for life? If you retaliate, you will pay for other people's mistakes. In fact, you have to understand that letting others go is actually letting yourself go. Is it worth ruining your happiness for other people's mistakes?

I hope you can calm down and think about it. Get rid of the entanglement and live a happy life.

Avengers are in troubled times, usually hot-headed, depressed, and often do not consider the consequences. It is suggested that the Avengers ask psychological doctors to guide them to solve contradictions, and never hurt others and ruin themselves.

When someone hurts us, our instinctive reaction is to wait for revenge.

But we all know that revenge can not only solve the problem, but also deepen the hatred between the two sides. If it is serious, it may make it difficult for people who roll in the depths to turn over.

I want revenge because I hate it.

Dale Carnegie once said in "The Weakness of Human Nature": Hatred can't hurt each other's hair, but it turns his life into purgatory.

It can be seen that hatred can only hurt yourself and make your life restless.

If you don't let others go, you actually don't let yourself go. This is also why we see that many people who love to hold grudges are always unhappy. On the other hand, those who are careless, don't care, and even others feel a little "stupid" are very happy every day.

So, if you want to avoid revenge, let go of hatred first. How can we let go of hatred? Always remind yourself that hatred is useless and will only hurt yourself. It is better to be strong than to hate others.

But not holding grudges does not mean ignoring those who have been hurt, it will only encourage bad style and evil forces.

If someone is deliberately targeting you, just say it clearly. If something happens on the spot, don't leave it alone and embarrass yourself.

If there is something wrong with the other person's personality, it is recommended to be cautious or not to communicate directly.

If someone causes personal injury to you, please call the police and hand it over to the judicial organs for settlement.

The bad dog bit me. I will never bite the dog back, but I can hit it with a stick. -San Mao

1. Find something to do, distract the current attention, don't be depressed, and find someone to talk to when you are unhappy.

2. Interpersonal communication cannot be without conflicts of interest. You should learn to put yourself in each other's shoes and think about what you would do. Only by putting yourself in the other's shoes, can we truly understand people, thus abandoning the mentality of revenge.

3. Try to be tolerant. You know, life is a long process. You can gain knowledge through communication. Once there is a contradiction, only unity, friendship, tolerance and humility can we enjoy happiness.

4. Think more about the harmfulness of revenge. When you realize the temporary "revenge" and the damage to the object of revenge from revenge, will you get greater counter-retaliation from the other party? Will it be condemned by public opinion? Will it violate the criminal law? It should be noted that those who want to harm others will eventually harm themselves.

1 On the premise of self-protection, face various external challenges independently and try to find the best solutions to various problems by yourself, instead of taking more severe revenge on the infringement of others;

Don't bully others, let alone the weak. If others bully you, you can take any way you think fit without violating the principle, such as avoiding, reasoning, and even fighting back. Try to protect your dignity and don't hurt yourself physically and psychologically, but you must pay attention to the scale and not be too extreme, causing irreparable losses to both sides;

From his point of view, it is the need of reasonable motivation to try to understand that others take some excessive actions or cause harm to themselves. Knowing this, we can reduce the generation of bad emotions and curb revenge in the bud.

When you are unhappy with others or others are invading you, reflect on whether your words and deeds hurt others or harm their interests. If so, sincerely apologize, resolve conflicts, and don't make enemies with others.

This is inevitable.

1/8

On the premise of self-protection, face all kinds of external challenges independently and try to find the best solutions to all kinds of problems, instead of taking more severe revenge on the infringement of others;

Don't bully others, let alone.

2/8

From his point of view, it is the need of reasonable motivation to try to understand that others take some excessive actions or cause harm to themselves. Knowing this, we can reduce the generation of bad emotions and curb revenge in the bud.

3/8

When you are unhappy with others or others are infringing on yourself, reflect on whether your words and deeds have caused harm or harmed the interests of others. If so, sincerely apologize, resolve conflicts, and don't make enemies with others;

4/8

Learn to put yourself in others' shoes, reconsider the cause and process of things from others' point of view, understand others' difficulties, what should you do if you are in the same situation as others, treat the unhappiness brought by others correctly, learn to tolerate and accept, so as to eliminate unnecessary retaliation and avoid the vicious circle of interpersonal relationships;

5/8

People with a strong sense of law and revenge often drown out their reason because of anger. In retaliation, they used vicious means, causing serious harm to others, but also breaking the law, and finally being punished by the law, which is beyond regret.

6/8

Strengthen self-cultivation, cultivate an open mind, improve self-control, make your personality as bright and cheerful as sunshine, keep a calm mind and avoid external interference, so that you will avoid revenge;

7/8

Cultivate good self-awareness, always keep consciousness and subjective consciousness, don't pay too much attention to other people's affairs, understand and accept the differences between people, allow people to have different ideas and habits, and let them dance a beautiful life under normal melody, instead of imprisoning themselves in a cell of revenge and painstakingly managing the tragedy of fate.

First of all, we must find out why there will be revenge.

1. After being treated unfairly, I feel wronged and oppressed.

2, others despise you, hit you, and make you lose face and dignity.

People often harass you, tease you again and again, and treat you as a snack. You are extremely angry.

Revenge must be necessary, just do something, not brute force, or you will become a nuisance like them. It's not too late for a gentleman to take revenge for ten years!

There is a joke that goes like this:

When you become a boss, you invite someone who once despised you to your company, pay him a high salary, prevent him from working, and take him out for dinner. If you quit him after two years, he will basically be useless.

Although it is a joke, this joke tells us that in order to get revenge, we must be strong first!

If you really want revenge, you will become stronger than them.

If the wolf turns back, there must be a reason, either repay kindness or revenge!

From a psychological point of view, why do people have the desire for revenge?

David Chester of Virginia State University and Nathan DeWall, a colleague of Kentucky University, found that people who are violated or excluded by society will have emotional pain. Subjects who showed aggressive response after rejection were very active in pain-related areas of the brain. Chester said that their research explored the trend of attacking and retaliating from ancient times to deal with threats and injuries.

In the follow-up study (dx.doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv082), Chester was surprised to find that emotional pain and pleasure are closely related. The first reaction after rejection is to feel pain, but if there is a chance of revenge, the pain will soon be covered up by pleasure, and even the nucleus accumbens, the known reward circuit of the brain, will be activated. Chester found that people who are angered have aggressive behavior precisely because they can get happiness. Revenge seems really sweet and happy.

Combining the results of various studies, the research team came to an amazing conclusion. Revenge will not only bring pleasure to people, but the reason why people seek revenge is only because they have a premonition that they will have pleasure. Chester said that seeking revenge is a process of managing emotions. After the opportunity of revenge, the rejected people scored as high as those who were not rejected.

In addition, the unpublished research results of Chelsea show that those who seek revenge can only get temporary pleasure. "Like many things, the pleasure of revenge is always short-lived. It brings a seemingly addictive cycle, and then your self-feeling is much worse than when you first started revenge. "

So why did people evolve revenge?

Although people may think that revenge is "harmful", for example, it will destroy your interpersonal relationship, but revenge is actually beneficial. The main purpose of revenge psychology is to play a deterrent role, which in turn is obviously beneficial to our survival. Think about prison or gang culture. If you mess with the wrong person, you will definitely get revenge. Chester thinks, "If everyone knows that you want to answer blows with blows, an eye for an eye, they won't bother you or use you anymore."

If the main purpose of revenge is to prevent harm, then it is really a good choice. Luo Cheng said, I don't understand that we should encourage people to indulge in revenge. "We can not only understand the cause of revenge, but also understand that it is not the product of a broken heart, and can also help people reduce their desire for revenge."