Who can tell two jokes?

1, my cousin didn't like learning when he was a child, and he couldn't learn addition and subtraction within 5. My uncle was very angry and personally taught him: "You have five fingers in your left hand, and you cut off three with one knife. How many more? " So my cousin sat down, hugged my uncle's leg and cried, "Dad, don't kill me ..."

2, unified physical examination when graduating from junior high school, one of which is color blindness. It's buddy's turn. He stared at the photo in a daze. The doctor next to him said, just count, and hurry. Buddy: I see. Wait a minute. Five seconds later, the doctor was anxious: you mean count! Dude: What's the hurry? I just counted 26 yellow ones, 37 red ones, 14 green ones. ............

When I was in college, everyone in the dormitory took their ID cards to the street one night. After walking for seven blocks, I finally found the patrol police. When I was facing the police for about 30 meters, I shouted "Run". Then the police saw us run away and chased us. 100 meter running 15 points, Zhong Zhen can't do it. When the police caught us, they asked us why we ran. We said that the dormitory had 20 minutes to lock the door and we couldn't go back. police ......

4. The sorrow of every nearsighted person: The world without glasses is a plane, 30 meters away from hermaphroditism and 50 meters away from people and animals.

5. A buddy is a bit silly. He became a policeman after graduating from college. Some time ago, he caught a pyramid scheme leader. The old policeman doesn't want to be tried. Because the evidence was conclusive, he let the buddy go. As a result, he disappeared with the suspect in the middle of the night Later, when I brought the man back, I realized that the goods were actually persuaded by the leaders of MLM. ...

6. After dinner in the evening, my husband watched TV in the back room and I was washing dishes. One of the bowls cracked and I didn't notice it. I immediately scratched my hand, so I took my bleeding finger to the back room to show it to my husband. While watching, the goods muttered for a band-aid. Isn't the detergent used harmless?

7. Just after watching Titanic 3D, a 2B shouted: Let the women and children go first! - -!

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