A humorous story

Author: Lin Changzhi

As soon as I came out of the eggshell, the first thing I heard was my mother's heartbreaking cry: "Oh, my God!" "At first I thought I looked like God, which surprised my mother to this extent, but when I saw my brothers and sisters squatting in the corner and vomiting, I felt that things were not as simple as I thought. Sure enough, when my dad saw me, he chased my mom three blocks with an angry face and shouted, "You said! Whose is this child? "

Motherly love is great. Although my mother felt vomiting, dizziness, diarrhea and other clinical reactions as soon as she saw me, she closed her eyes and took me and my brothers and sisters to swim by the river with tears in her eyes.

But others are not so friendly to me. Many people say that I must be the illegitimate child of the Loch Ness monster, because my parents spent their honeymoon in Loch Ness. Some people say that God must have drunk too much when he made me. Others said that I must have been kissed by a pig when I was an egg, but the pigs on the farm protested strongly. They said that if I looked like this, I might as well be made into sausage. Later, the farmer found me. At the moment he saw me, he suffered from a strange disease. He was convulsing all over, foaming at the mouth and glassy-eyed. He muttered for a long time, "I'm going to kill him and feed him to the dog." As a result, when the dogs on the farm heard about it, they all bit their tongues and died.

I can't stay on the farm. I decided to run away from home, which hurt my pride.

One night, I sneaked out of the farm. I thought my actions were unknown, but when I stepped out of the farm, there was earth-shattering cheers behind me. Am I really so unpopular? ! My heart, wow, wow, the grief accumulated in my chest has finally reached saturation. I shouted to the sky: "God! In fact, I am not ugly! " As soon as the voice fell, the sky was overcast, and a flash of lightning cut through the sky, chopping out three big characters on the ground: "You lie!" " "Come on, even the sky despises me. I'd better find a deserted place to live in seclusion.

I don't know how long I walked, but I came to a swamp with few people. I don't think anyone will laugh at me anymore. As a result, a child's crying disappointed me again. ...

Duck: "Ah! Mom! I found the legendary dinosaur! "

Mother Duck: "Son, don't talk nonsense. Dinosaurs have long been extinct, huh? " What is this? ! Although this creature is deformed, after careful observation, I conclude that it should be a duck. "

Duck: But why is he so ugly?

Mother Duck: "This is because he is always picky about food when eating, so he has grown up like this. Son, if you don't eat green peppers in the future, it will become like this. "

Duck: "it's terrible, mom." I will never be picky about food again. " "

Oh, my God, I like green peppers very much. I have never been picky about food! I tried to protect myself, but they flew away. Before leaving, Mother Duck muttered, "I didn't know he was so ugly." I completely lost the confidence to live, and wanted to find a rope to hang myself, but there was no rope to hang me; I want to drink pesticides, but the pesticides are hidden in the bottle and don't want to flow into my mouth. I want hunters to kill me, but when they see me, they will cry and shout, "Please spare us. If we kill you, we will have a lifetime of trouble! " "

Ugly duckling (2)

Author: Lin Changzhi

But there are still good people in the world. One night, I was taken in by a lonely old lady. Later, I learned that she had another son. Her son is ringing the bell at Notre Dame. His name seems to be quasimodo. The old lady is very kind to me, but the fat hen and big fat cat she keeps always discriminate against me. They blink quickly in front of me from time to time. At first I thought there was something wrong with their eyes, but later I realized that they were showing off their double eyelids to me! I ignored them and they asked me:

"Can you lay eggs?"

"Can you catch mice?"

"Can you crow?"

"Can you meow?"

I am a duck, a drake. How come... Knowing that I don't know anything, they said, "It's not your fault to be ugly. It's your fault to run out and scare people. You have no ability. What are you living for? "

I have nothing to say. It is true that I have no skills, but is it my fault? I have only been to the duck school on the farm three times before, but every time I enter the classroom, the teacher announces a holiday. I didn't want to be discriminated against by them, so I left the old lady's house and wanted to have plastic surgery, but the plastic surgeon turned into a pig when he saw me. Desperate, I came to a lake and jumped into the river to commit suicide, but I was a duck! Although I have no skills, I can swim very well! I have no choice but to go ashore. At this time, the toad in the lake was drooling and croaking at the sky with chopsticks. What's going on here? I looked up. God, a flock of big white birds flew over the horizon. They are bright white and have long soft necks. They acted like ballet. Why? ! Why? ! Why are the flat-billed animals with feathers so different in appearance? Who the hell are they? By the way, isn't there a saying that toads want to eat swan meat? Look at the drooling toads in this lake. I'm sure they are the legendary swans! I secretly vowed to do more good deeds in this life, accumulate some virtue and be a beautiful swan in the afterlife.

From the day I saw the swan, I had a firm belief in my heart. In order to be beautiful in the next life, I gave my seat to the old man and helped the lost tadpole find his mother. Of course, all this is done with a mask. When I did many good deeds, people began to talk about me, praised me, and gave me a nickname called masked superman. I know that if I don't cover my face, I have no right to do good.

In the blink of an eye, it's winter, and I'm still looking around for people in need with a mask. Just as I walked to the river, I heard a man shout in panic: "No, there are so many children in the river …" I looked intently, huh? ! A child fell into the ice hole!

"Don't be afraid! I am coming! " I let out a cry and jumped into the ice hole. To show my skill, I also did a 360-degree backflip in the air. I plopped into the water. I didn't expect the momentum to be so great that I even washed my mask down. When the children in the water saw me, they got into the water with a whoosh and quickly climbed ashore and ran home. I was just about to climb up, but the water in the river froze instantly because of my appearance. I was frozen in the river like a frozen jiaozi.

I don't know how long it took, but I finally woke up and opened my eyes. Spring is coming! Huh? A few swans greeted me with a smile! No way! A toad swam towards me drooling! I quickly waved my wings several times. Oh, my God! I can't believe I'm flying. Look at the reflection in the water, my God! What appears in the water is actually the shadow of a swan! Look at your feathers. Oh! Even as white as snow! Have I become a swan? This is not a dream! I bit my tongue, damn it, it hurts! This is not a dream, I really became a swan! Did my behavior touch the sky? Anyway, I am a swan now! We need to print several boxes of business cards quickly so that we can send them to everyone!

Since then, my life has undergone earth-shaking changes: many people asked me for autographs, and many people asked me to take photos. Wherever I go, some women cry and hand me love letters ... Of course, there are some troubles in becoming swans, especially those toads, who always want to take advantage of me. However, I still think it's good to be a handsome boy! So here I advise those friends who are not good-looking, as long as they do more good deeds, they will definitely become handsome guys! I am a living example. When I was an ugly duckling, I never dreamed that I would have so much happiness!

Cramp test

Author: Lin Changzhi

First, crazy choice.

1. When the ugly duckling told me not to be ugly in the sky, it was struck by lightning ().

A. collect clothes in thunder and rain. B. "You are lying!"

C. Registration 123 12345678

2. What wants to eat swan meat is ().

A. toad B. ugly duckling C. big fat cat

3. The ugly duckling finally became ().

A. Super Saiyan B. Salted Egg Superman C. White Swan

Second, boring to fill in.

Tearing my heart out, drooling alone.

1. Look at the toads in this lake. I'm sure they are the legendary swans!

2. One night, I was taken in by an old lady from ().

As soon as I came out of the eggshell, the first thing I heard was my mother's crying.

I heard the cheers behind me.

Third, there is no judgment.

1. The ugly duckling is the illegitimate child of the Loch Ness monster, which is why he looks so ugly. ( )

After seeing the ugly duckling, the farmer kept saying, "Give me a monkey rubber band, make a slingshot and hit your glass." ( )

The ugly duckling was later called "Living Lei Feng" because he often helped others. ( )

The ugly duckling was frozen in the river while saving the drowning child. ( )

Some people say that the ugly duckling is a lucky duck, because he is as famous as Donald Duck. Some people say that the ugly duckling is unfortunate because his childhood experience has brought him great physical and mental trauma. Which of the above two statements do you agree with? Why?

The ugly duckling's appearance has never been described positively, but it can be felt that he looks ugly. Please extract sentences that can reflect the appearance of the ugly duckling.

Sixth, practice.

Everyone should do more good deeds and help others when they are free (attention! Helping children eat ice cream and taking grandma to play with skyscrapers will not help.

Little Red Riding Hood (1)

Author: Lin Changzhi

When, Brigg, Bree ... such a dozen bamboo boards, I won't boast about anything else, that is, Little Red Riding Hood, the smart, super invincible and lovely mini! However, this little red riding hood is unusual. She has a thin skin and a big stuffing ... (a warning! (Ahem, not a wrinkle. ...

Words are divided into eight heads. On this day, Little Red Riding Hood drank eighteen bowls of perfume in Jingyanggang and went up the mountain with a whistle stick ... (Second warning! ) ah-ho! Ah ho ho! As soon as she came to the mountain, she met Song Wu, who said, "Oh! Katie. You are going the wrong way! " So Little Red Riding Hood went home to sleep. ...

The next morning, Little Red Riding Hood opened her eyes and heard her mother's voice.

"Little Red Riding Hood, the sun is shining on your ass, get up quickly!"

"liar! My ass is under the bed! "

"It's okay! Get up! Your grandmother came early in the morning and said that she was ill and couldn't walk, so she asked you to send her food at noon! "

"ah? Come early in the morning if you can't walk? What about grandma? "

"She went fishing."

"God bless my grandma who talks nonsense ...? Why do I feel drunk? Did you give me a drink while I was asleep? "

"Dead girl, who gave you the wine? I ate too much chocolate last night! "

"By the way, mom, I can not wear that red hat today! It's so embarrassing, so corny! "

"no! You Seven Sisters are just red, orange, red, green, blue and purple. Everyone wears a hat of one color, so that your father and I can distinguish you. "

"Hum! Then why don't you and dad wear hats, too, so that we can distinguish? "

"Smelly girl, you are dead meat! Get up, brush your teeth, brush your teeth, eat, do your homework, practice the piano, and repair the tractor ... "

After lunch, Little Red Riding Hood went on the road with a basket, which contained the lunch prepared by her mother for her grandmother. There is a small forest on the way to grandma's house. Little Red Riding Hood likes to play in it. Little dolphin, little hairy man, little dinosaur and little monster in the forest are all her good friends. Every time I send my grandma a meal, she will share it with these friends.

Little Red Riding Hood came to the Woods singing. Her friends have heard this song and have been waiting for her there for a long time.

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Wow! Little hairy man, do you miss me? "

Xiaomaoren: "Yes!"

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "What do you think?"

Xiaomaoren: "Belly!"

Little monster: "Cut the crap and bring something delicious today!" " "

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Hee hee, the little monster is in a hurry. I haven't seen you for several days. You're acting weird again. Your eyebrows are all on your chin! " "

Little monster: "I am dizzy! That's a beard. Idiot! "

Little Red Riding Hood (2)

Author: Lin Changzhi

Everyone grabbed the basket and turned it over. ...

"ouch!" The little monster screamed. "It hurts!" Everyone looked at it quickly. It turned out that there was a mousetrap in the basket, which held the little monster's paw tightly. There is also a note next to the mousetrap: "Whoever steals food is unlucky!" It was written by Little Red Riding Hood's mother.

Little friend: "Your mother is insidious enough! Fortunately, there is only one mousetrap, take out the lunch box quickly! "

Little Red Riding Hood took out all the lunch boxes, and everyone was dumbfounded. The lunch box is locked by a password. ...

Little dinosaur: "Your mother is really weirder than a monster. The lunch boxes are all locked. "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Sorry, I will definitely bring you a lot of delicious food next time." I still have some food in my pocket. Do you want it? "

Little monster: "huh?" Is there any food? What is this? Take it! "

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Well, here are the biscuit crumbs ..."

Little friend: "..."

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "I'm going to deliver food to grandma! I will play with you when I come back! "

Little monster: "Don't forget to bring something delicious from your grandmother's house."

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Hmm!"

Xiao Maoren: "By the way, Little Red Riding Hood, I forgot to tell you something. Recently, a large mammal is active in the forest. Very impressive. Be careful! ”"

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Large mammals! ? Is it awesome? I really want to see it! What is a mammal? Why be careful? "

Xiaomaoren: "Shit! Mammals are mammals! Be careful it will eat you! "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Hahahaha ... Little Hairy Man, you are so humorous. If you are a mammal, why do you want to eat me? I am not a milk! "

Xiaomaoren: "People eat milk when they are young, and eat people when they grow up!" " "

Little Red and Little Red Riding Hood cried, "Woo … I'm still a baby … I'll eat people when I grow up." ? Loud noise ... "

Xiaomaoren: "Alas! It's really nerve-racking Stop crying! You are a man and a wolf. Completely different. " Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Don't lie to me, I'm going to deliver food. Goodbye everyone! " "

At the same time, the wolf that Xiaomaoren said has been hiding behind a tree, watching Little Red Riding Hood and them.

The wolf said to himself, "Alas … what is this place?" ! There are so many strange things, which is terrible! I am an artistic wolf. I have always been addicted to the confusion and decadence of Van Gogh's paintings and the passion and shock of Picasso's works ... But I am an ordinary wolf and I want to eat meat. Look, these things, what little hairy people, little monsters, little dinosaurs ... can you eat them? It makes me sick and I have no appetite! I'm going crazy moving here. At least let me eat something normal, alas ... but today, a white and tender little girl in a red hat came! It must be delicious. Judging from her dress, it must be very artistic. After eating, it will definitely help my artistic attainments! Ah, throat, throat, throat! Eat her! "

The wolf followed Little Red Riding Hood out of the Woods. The flowers on the roadside were beautiful, so Little Red Riding Hood went to pick them. When she bent down to pick flowers, the wolf seized the opportunity and jumped gracefully. ...

Little Red Riding Hood suddenly turned around, and the wolf stood there with his paws open.

Little Red and Little Red Riding Hood: "..."

Wolf: "..."

Little Red Riding Hood suddenly screamed, "Wow! Wow! What a big cat! "

The wolf immediately dropped a sweat on the back of his head ... "idiot! How dare you call me a cat? ! The cat has my long oval face! Besides, does the cat have my elegant temperament? "

Little Red Riding Hood asked curiously, "Aunt, who are you?"

The wolf was furious: "Shit! Aunt? You are a man and a woman! I am a man! I am a wolf! "

Little Red Riding Hood was very excited: "Wow! You are a man! How handsome! Be my boyfriend! Okay？ Ok? "

The sweat on the back of the wolf's head continued to drip: "You forgot to take medicine today!" " Who can find a wolf as a boyfriend? "

Little Red Riding Hood (3)

Author: Lin Changzhi

Little Red Riding Hood is very sad: "I am lovelorn again ... you don't like me ... you are so cruel!" " "

Wolf: "Don't say that. After all, the temperament gap between us is too big. We don't have the same language ... Shit, what a mess! I won't talk to you, watch me eat you! " Said and jumped.

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "Wait a minute, Brother Wolf, I know you are joking with me. Since you don't want to be my boyfriend, I'll send meals to my grandmother ... but before I leave, I want you to look at my paintings and hope you can remember me. "

Wolf: "You can draw, too? It's incredible. Well, let me see. "

Little Red Riding Hood took out a small notebook from her coat pocket and opened it to the Wolf: "Look, this is a two-headed bird; This is a cat with an elephant nose ... "

The wolf can't stand it. He threw up all over the floor with a "wow": "Oh, my God! This is also called drawing! This is a stain on art! I can't. I have no appetite at all. I hurry home, it's too exciting for me! " The wolf staggered away.

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood was disappointed and walked on to her grandmother's house.

The wolf ran and ran, and the more he thought about it, the more unwilling he became: "No, I'm hungry! Eating this child who doesn't know art is better than eating those hairy monsters. Yes, the stomach is very important. Go back and eat her ... huh? No, she must be far away from the Woods now. There are so many people on the road that it is difficult to do it. What should I do? By the way, isn't she going to deliver food to grandma? I'll go to her grandmother's house first, eat her grandmother, and then wait for her to deliver it! Haha, I'm a genius ... but where is her grandmother's house? By the way, call and ask. "

The wolf barks 1 14.

"ah! Excuse me, where is grandma's house? "

"05 at your service at any time. You are sick. I'll give you the phone number of a mental hospital. Please record: 6446×××. "

"Depend! You are the one who is sick! Hate ... "

Wolves have no choice but to search one by one. At ten o'clock in the evening, he finally found Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother's house. In order not to arouse his grandmother's suspicion, he picked up a red hat from somewhere, dressed as a little red riding hood and knocked on the door.

The wolf choked his throat and said, "grandma, grandma, I've come to bring you food."

Grandma was obviously angry and said, "I thought you weren't coming!" " I asked you to send a lunch to come at night. I'm starving my grandmother! "

"Can't blame me! Is mother action is too slow ... "

"ah? Little red riding hood, I haven't seen you for days. You are more and more promising! The beard is long, the face is long, and the body exudes extraordinary artistic atmosphere ... "

Wolf: "Aha, hahaha! Comfortable, really comfortable! Or the old lady, you have a good eye! But ... "I said, and swallowed my grandmother in one bite!

Grandma: "Oh dear! Who turned off the light? Huh? Huh? There is still water burning on my stove! Stop it, Little Red Riding Hood. "

The wolf snickered, put on grandma's clothes, got into bed and waited for Little Red Riding Hood to open the door.

He waited and waited until the moon was going to wash her feet and go to bed ... Little Red Riding Hood finally came!

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood shouted as soon as she entered the door, "Grandma, grandma! Little Red Little Red Riding Hood is coming! I brought you food! "

Grandma Wolf: "Little Red Riding Hood, Grandma, I miss you so much! Why are you so late! "

Little Red Little Red Riding Hood: "It was going to rain on the road just now, so I helped the ants move!" " "

Grandma Wolf: "What a good boy! Come here and let grandma see you. "

Little red and little red riding hood went to bed. Suddenly, she cried, "Wow! Wow! Grandma, you are really imposing. Why is your face so hairy? How cool! I want to grow up! "

Grandma wolf: "silly child, grandma's hair is long, I miss you!" " "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Grandma, how did your voice become so magnetic? So penetrating? I like the voice of Dao Lang! "

Grandma Wolf: "Cut! Why does grandma sound like a local? I want you to sound like this! "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Grandma, why are your nails so sharp? "

Grandma Wolf: "I miss you!" " "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Grandma, why is your face so long? "

Little Red Riding Hood (4)

Author: Lin Changzhi

Grandma Wolf: "I miss you."

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Grandma, the water on the stove is boiling. Why don't you turn off the fire? "

Grandma Wolf: "I miss your thoughts ... ahem, forget it, let me kiss you first ..." The wolf wants to eat Little Red Riding Hood when kissing her. "ah? Little red riding hood, what are you doing? What are you touching? "

Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, I met a very cute big cat in the Woods today, so I drew it for you ..."

The wolf took one look, spit out Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother, and then fainted. ...

Little Red Riding Hood: "Wow! Grandma, you are so fashionable and you can mutate and clone! Great, I have two grandmothers! "

Grandma: "Look, Little Red Riding Hood, you are naughty again. You didn't say anything and turned off the light ... "

At this time, friends who were waiting in the Woods for Little Red Riding Hood to take something from her grandmother waited for Little Red Riding Hood until she was haggard, and everyone came to Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother's house. When they came in, they saw grandma wolf fainted on the ground.

After the little monster went up and stripped grandma wolf of all her clothes, everyone exclaimed, "Wow! Who is this strong man who killed the number one villain in the forest-the wolf? "

Little Red Riding Hood was very surprised when she saw that it was a big cat in the forest. She asked, "Is he the wolf, the big mammal that Xiaomaoren said would eat people?"

Xiaomaoren: "Not bad!"

Little Red Riding Hood froze for a long time. Everyone thought she was scared silly and asked her, "Hello! Little red riding hood, are you all right? "

Little Red Riding Hood managed to squeeze out a word, which made everyone fall to the ground: "Wow! Wolf! It's really gray! "

Little monster: "Hey? The wolf seems to be still panting! "

Xiaomaoren: "Let's kill him before he can move!" "

Little Red and Little Red Riding Hood: "No, don't kill him. Can we play like this ... "

So, everyone listened to Little Red Riding Hood's idea, cut open the wolf's belly, then put a lot of stones in it and threw it into the forest ... From then on, the forest was safe, and Little Red Riding Hood's family, grandmother and friends lived a happy life.

When the wolf woke up, he felt thirsty, so he went to find water to drink. However, he just dragged his stomach on the ground and realized that he had put so many stones in his stomach. ...

Wolf: "Why do I always get hurt?" ? It's hard to be like this by a group of monsters who don't understand art! I put this stone in my stomach and can take it out without pressing the zipper ... I can only pull it out slowly ... so many, when should I pull it? "