Wilful memory

"You don't know what you will remember. Memory is very willful."

This is what I received from my roommate next door when I was a junior in college. I didn't deliberately remember it. Remember it, but also keep it silently in your heart.

As the days pass by quietly and peacefully, I slowly feel that this sentence makes sense.

For example, after work, my colleagues will occasionally laugh at me. My memory is only seven seconds. I always quickly forget what happened not long ago, and more likely what I just said. But there are also some less important things that you can remember deeply without having to repeat them too much.

I often laugh at myself that my brain seems to have the function of automatically filtering memories. The more you believe in something you will never forget, it may even be something you revisit from time to time. Maybe one day you will suddenly find it again. When it comes, it can disappear without a trace; on the contrary, those things that you don't take seriously and let it go will not go far. You begin to gradually believe, or be able to accept calmly, the things that this memory has taught you during this time, as well as the truths that you have learned unintentionally.

At noon the day before the Dragon Boat Festival, I woke up from my nap and prepared to go to work. Suddenly I realized that I could not find my watch again. My mother said that my catchphrase is: "Mom, where is my watch?" Yes, it has happened countless times that I can't remember where I put my watch. Even I complain that I have a disease of "losing my watch every five steps". I often wake up and forget many things that happened before going to bed. On the dining table, on the dressing table, on the washbasin, on the coffee table, on the kitchen pot, on the bedside table... I searched all the places where I would normally put my watch, but I still couldn't find it. Helplessness, anxiety, regret and distress, all kinds of complex emotions swirled in my heart. When I went to work in the afternoon, I was still wondering where to put it. This watch has been with me for five years and has become a part of me. Of course it's a pity to lose it. So on the following Dragon Boat Festival, I couldn’t be happy because I lost my watch.

When I came back to work from my hometown after the holidays, my father discovered this watch lying quietly on the ground while packing away the clothes hanging on the hangers. It probably fell to the ground when I was changing into pajamas at noon that day. The feeling of finding a watch must be exciting. Suddenly a strange thought popped into my head. I thank God for giving me such lessons often, but I never really lost them. I don’t know how long it will take me to really get rid of this bad habit, but I am practicing not to put things around randomly.

Some things can be bought again if they are lost, but the meaning that time gives to that item cannot be bought back. Don't give yourself too many opportunities to say, "It doesn't matter, just treat it as a lesson." In this case, treat any items around you as you would treat the person around you that you cherish.

Memory is really willful. It follows the pace of time, like a naughty thief, stealing the things you hide in your heart. If you really forget the memory you originally sealed, don’t rush back to look for it. You should leave the lost memory to time. In the end, it will definitely come back to you in another form. You firmly believe that it is still the one who was stolen. It feels like a new gift when you leave it, bringing you no more surprises.