Can anyone give me some bad jokes? They should be classic and funny...

. There was a man and woman having dinner. The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me? The boy looked at the girl and continued to eat dinner. The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me? ? The boy finally said: He loves the girl and asked: How do you prove it? Suddenly the boy took thirty yuan out of his pocket and asked the girl: Do you have ten yuan? The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy.. The boy After putting forty yuan on the table for a while... the girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said that I have already proved it!!! Forty is right in front of me!

2. One day, Turtle Dad, Turtle Mother and Turtle Son decided to go on an outing. They took a Shandong pancake and two cans of sea chicken and set off to Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it’s finally here! They sat on the ground, took off their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, I discovered that I didn’t bring a can opener! Turtle Son: "...Then I'll go back and get it." Turtle Dad: "Good boy! Hurry! Your parents will wait for you to come back and have dinner together. Go back quickly!" Turtle Son: "You must wait for me to come back! Don't break your promise. Oh!" So Turtle Son set out on his way home... Time flies, and time flies. In the blink of an eye, 20 years have passed, but Turtle Son has not yet appeared. Turtle mother: "Honey... do you want to start dinner? I'm so hungry..." Turtle dad: "No! We promised our son! Well... wait for him for another five years, and if he doesn't come, we won't care about him!" It's five years in a blink of an eye Years later, turtle son still has no trace. Turtle’s parents don’t care anymore! The two elders decided to start. He took out the big cake and was about to eat it... Suddenly, Turtle Son poked his head out from behind the tree... Turtle Son: "Damn! I knew you would eat it secretly! Did you trick me into going back to get the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty After five years, I finally got it! I hate people for lying to me!"

3. There was no business selling dumplings, so she went to ask her master what to do. Said: You need to find a fresh corpse, wrap its meat into dumplings, and then sell them. This will make the business very good, but please tell their family not to eat this kind of dumplings, otherwise there will be terrible things. things happen. The boss tried it and the effect was really good, so she went to look for the corpse again. The next day her son wanted to bring a lunch box, but he couldn't find it, so he went to the refrigerator to look for it. He found a lunch box and took it away thinking it was his. Unexpectedly, the box contained leftover dumplings sold by his father. He opened it at noon and was surprised. In the morning, there were 10 dumplings, but why did they immediately become 5? He tried closing the lid again and opening it again, and there were 2 dumplings again! Do you know why? Because the dumplings stuck to the lid.

This story took place in an ancient temple 200 years ago. It is scary at the beginning, funny in the middle, and tragic at the end. Think clearly before watching. Once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died.

1. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: I know, there are so many people and I stepped on your toes. Don’t you think we are destined?

2. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Oh, you should be lucky, I just lost weight recently.

3. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: It’s okay, I can stand firm.

4. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Don’t worry, I won’t delay your getting off the bus.

5. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know your feet were on the ground.

6. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Really? Then you won't be so excited.

7. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: I'm sorry, just think I'm blind.

8. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: If you feel pain, just shout out!

9. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Do you still want me to say thank you?

10. A: Hey, you stepped on my foot! B: Okay, please move your feet away and let me step on the ground. I wish you all a happy day here! The sky giraffe said: "Little rabbit, I really hope you can know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what delicious food I eat, it will slowly pass through my long neck when I eat it, and the delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time." ." The little white rabbit looked at him expressionlessly. "And, in the summer, the cool water slowly flows over my long neck, which is so delicious.

It’s so nice to have a long neck! Little white rabbit, can you imagine? "The little white rabbit said slowly: "Have you ever vomited? ”

The Second One day, the kangaroo was driving around on the country road, and suddenly saw the little white rabbit in the middle of the road, with its ears and body almost completely lying on the ground as if listening to something... So... The kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously: "Little white rabbit, may I ask what you are listening to?" ""A large truck passed here half an hour ago..." "Wow...so awesome! ..how did you know? ..” “His ****!” This is how my neck and legs were broken..."

The Thrid There was a little white rabbit running happily in the forest. On the way, it met a giraffe who was taking drugs. The little white rabbit versus the giraffe Said: "Giraffe, giraffe, why do you do something to harm yourself? Look how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!" The giraffe looked at the drugs and the little white rabbit, so he gave the drugs to Throwing it behind them, they followed the little white rabbit and ran through the forest. Later, they met an elephant who was preparing to take drugs. The little white rabbit said to the elephant: "Elephant, why do you do something to hurt yourself?" Look how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!" The elephant looked at the drug and the little white rabbit, so he threw the drug behind him and followed the little white rabbit and the giraffe running in the forest. Later, they met a lion who was preparing to take drugs. The little white rabbit said to the lion: "Lion, lion, why do you do things that hurt yourself? Look how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together." !" The lion looked at the drug and the little white rabbit, then threw the drug behind him, rushed over and beat the little white rabbit hard. The elephant and the giraffe trembled with fear: "Why did you hit the little white rabbit? What? It is so kind, caring about our health and letting us get closer to nature." The lion said angrily: "This bastard rabbit drags me around in the forest like an idiot every time he takes drugs."

The Fourth Company Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Not busy. The boss said to Tutu when he got off work: You won’t be here tomorrow. Boss: Because of you? You can’t do more for the company, so you’re not busy. What does the company want from you? *The boss of the second company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Very busy. The boss said to Tutu when he got off work. No need to come. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are not organized, so why does the company need you? *Third company boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today? It's okay. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are not doing things rationally, so what does the company want from you? Use? *The boss of the fourth company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: When you got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You won’t be here tomorrow. Boss: Why? It’s too low. Why does the company want you to check it after you finish it? *The boss of the fifth company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? The boss said to Tutu when he got off work: You don’t have to come tomorrow. Boss: Because you don’t have a systematic way of doing things. Why does the company want you? Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: I have finished my work and am helping others. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don’t have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don’t have a plan for doing things, don’t you plan what you want to do tomorrow? What does the company want from you? *Boss of the seventh company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Today’s work is done, so is tomorrow’s work. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don’t have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don’t consider the overall situation when doing things, won’t you help your colleagues share their worries? What does the company want from you? *Boss of the eighth company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: I’ve finished today’s and tomorrow’s work, now I’m helping my colleagues. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don’t have to come tomorrow.

Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause laziness or stress in others. What use does the company need from you? *Boss of the Ninth Company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don’t have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: You are arrogant. When I asked you, you kept trying to frustrate me. What does the company want from you? *Boss of the tenth company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: I...I...don't know...how to answer you. When I got off work, the boss said to Tutu: You don’t have to come tomorrow. Tutu: Why? Boss: Because you don’t even know if you are busy or not, why does the company need you? *Boss of the eleventh company: Tutu, are you busy at work today? Tutu: Damn it, I resigned~~~~~~~~~~ Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company will not let you go!

The Fifth The ant was walking in the forest and suddenly encountered an elephant. The ant quickly dug into the soil and stretched out one leg. The little white rabbit was very curious when he saw it, and asked: What are you doing? The ant whispered to it: Shhh... don't make any noise, watch me stumble and somersault...

The Sixth One day the rabbit was in a cave. While I was writing something in front of me, a wolf came over and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper." The wolf asked again, "What topic?" The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a thesis." How to eat a wolf?" The wolf laughed and expressed disbelief. The rabbit said: "Follow me." After taking it into the cave, the rabbit continued to write in front of the cave. At this time, another fox came and asked: "Rabbit, what are you writing?" The rabbit replied: "I am writing a paper." The fox asked: "What topic?" The rabbit answered: "How does the rabbit write a paper?" The fox ate it." The fox laughed and expressed disbelief. The rabbit said: "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave. After a while, the rabbit walked out of the cave alone and continued to write his paper. At this time, a lion was sitting on a pile of white bones in the cave, picking his teeth, and reading the rabbit's paper: The ability of an animal does not depend on how powerful it is, but on who is the boss behind it. who!

The Seventh One day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have carrots here?" The boss said: "No." The little white rabbit left. The next day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, do you have carrots here?" The boss said: "I told you, no!" The little white rabbit left. On the third day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have carrots here?" The boss was anxious: "How many times have I told you?! No!!! If you are annoying anymore, I will Just take the vise and pull out all your teeth!" The little white rabbit got scared and ran away. On the fourth day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have vise here?" The boss said: "No." The little white rabbit asked: "Then, do you have carrots?" The boss really He got angry, took out the pliers, and pulled out all the teeth of the little white rabbit. On the fifth day, the little white rabbit ran to the drugstore and asked the boss: "Boss, boss, do you have carrot juice here?" The Eight In a mental hospital, one day the director wanted to see how the three mental patients were recovering. , so a little white rabbit was placed in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the little white rabbit, grabbed the two ears of the little white rabbit, and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second person shook his head; the second person turned his back to the little white rabbit, patted its butt, and said "Chasing it", and the dean sighed; the third person squatted there and touched the little white rabbit. After a long look, I nodded with satisfaction and heard him say: "Young man, let me go 300 meters, wait until I clean the car before chasing you!" The dean fell to the ground and fainted...

The Ninth The little white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and pooped.

The big bear said to the little white rabbit: Although you little white rabbits are good-looking, you are troublesome! You can see it with just a little dirt, which is quite disgusting! The little white rabbit said: Look at what you said! Isn’t it? The big bear said :Isn’t it! The big bear said as he picked up the little white rabbit, wiped his butt and walked away...

The Tenth The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked Turn over a pot. An elf came out of the pot and said he could grant each of their three wishes. Xiong said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish came true. The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish also came true. Xiong said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish came true again. The little white rabbit said, give it a bicycle. Its wish came true again. The bear said, turn all the other bears in the world into bitches! The little white rabbit got on the bicycle and said while running, turning this bear into a homosexual...

The Eleventh The story begins like this ’s: One of my cousins ??had to work overtime on Sunday, and her cousin’s husband was going to take his driver’s license test that day, so he sent his 5-year-old son Nao Nao to my house and asked me to take care of him for the day. I was afraid that he would be disobedient, so I went to the market and bought him a cute little white rabbit. Nao Nao asked me what rabbits eat, and I told him to eat carrots and all green vegetables. I had a lot of fun watching Nao Nao and the rabbit play, so I went to read a book. The rabbit finished the carrots in a while, and Nao Nao went to the refrigerator to look for green vegetables. Who would have thought that the only green peppers left in my refrigerator are some. Nao Nao broke the pepper into pieces and fed it to the rabbit. The rabbit refused to eat, so Noisy insisted on eating it. The little white rabbit was so anxious that it kicked up the fine sand spread in the nest into Nao Nao's eyes. Nao Nao hurriedly rubbed it with his hands, but his hands were burning, and he immediately cried out in pain. I heard him crying extremely hard in the study, so I hurriedly ran out and asked him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hands and kept crying: "The rabbit kicked me, the rabbit kicked me." I thought the rabbit really kicked him in the eyes, and I was scared to death. I thought if something happened, how could I tell his parents? Explain? I rushed to call 120. At this time, the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I saw it was my brother's classmate. I didn't have time to greet him, so I ran back to comfort Nao Nao, but accidentally stepped on a piece of watermelon rind that he had thrown away, hit my head on the door frame, and fainted. My brother’s classmates hurriedly dialed 120, then remembered some first aid knowledge they learned during military training, and knelt on the ground to pick me up. Just then, my brother came back. When he saw this scene, he thought his classmate was going to molest me, so he picked up one of my mother's pointy-soled shoes and shined it on the unfortunate guy's head, causing blood to pour out immediately. When the younger brother rushed into the kitchen to get the knife, his classmate tried to explain and ran downstairs as hard as he could. At this time, Grandma Wang downstairs heard the screams and hurriedly looked out of the peephole of the security door. She saw a man running down with blood on his face, and his brother chased after him with a knife. She was so frightened that she immediately Call 110 to call the police. She had suffered a slight stroke, but due to panic, her hands and feet became even more unruly, and she suddenly sat on the ground, right on top of the kitten's tail. The kitten jumped out with a squeal, knocking over the soup pot and sending flames flying wildly. Grandma Wang picked up a bottle of water and poured it over. Unexpectedly, it contained the Erguotou secretly hidden by her husband. So, the whole family put out the fire and called 119 for the fire alarm. When my brother's classmate tried his best to escape, he bumped into the emergency doctor who was coming upstairs. Because both parties were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs. At this time, my brother’s classmates explained everything to him. But two doctors broke their arms. After I regained consciousness, I hurriedly called my cousin and cousin-in-law. My cousin was drinking water. When she heard the news, she choked on a mouthful of water and immediately rolled her eyes. Her colleagues were busy calling 120; but upon hearing the news, her cousin-in-law drove his car crazily to my house, running through three red lights. At this time, two ambulances and two fire trucks had gathered downstairs at my house. When the firefighter was about to open the fire hydrant, his cousin's car suddenly drove over and hit it. The water immediately turned into a river. He turned the steering wheel again and hit the police car that had just arrived. Behind them, several traffic policemen on motorcycles were speeding towards them, and behind them were municipal facilities emergency repair vehicles. That day, it was like a Hollywood blockbuster being staged downstairs in my house. According to statistics, five ambulances were dispatched.

I called for one, my brother's classmate called for one, the two injured doctors called for one, my cousin's colleague called for one... You said there is still one more to go? Don't worry, didn't my cousin-in-law come back in his driving school's car? The old coach in the car was so frightened that he had a heart attack. Didn't he have to call for another one? I do~ The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there are not that many" "That's it..." Little The white rabbit walked away dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "I'm sorry, there are still none." "That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly. . On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred buns!!" "The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" (

II) There was a little white rabbit running happily in the forest. On the road, it met a little white rabbit who was curling up. The giraffe with marijuana, the little white rabbit said to the giraffe: 'Giraffe, giraffe, why do you do something to harm yourself? Look at how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!' The giraffe looked at the marijuana smoke, Looking at the little white rabbit, he threw the marijuana cigarette behind him and followed the little white rabbit running in the forest. Later, they met an elephant who was preparing to smoke cocaine. The little white rabbit said to the elephant: 'Big Elephant, why do you do things that hurt yourself? Look at how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!' The elephant looked at cocaine and the little white rabbit, so he put the cocaine Ke Jian threw it behind him and followed the little white rabbit and the giraffe running in the forest. Later they met a lion who was preparing to fight hyena. The little white rabbit said to the lion: 'Lion, lion, why are you hurting yourself? What about? Look how beautiful this forest is, let's run in nature together!' The lion looked at the syringe and looked at the little white rabbit, so he threw the syringe behind him and hit the little white rabbit hard. The lion beat the elephant and the giraffe trembled with fear: "Why did you beat the little white rabbit? It is so kind, caring about our health and asking us to get closer to nature." The lion said angrily: "This bastard rabbit, Every time I take ecstasy, he drags me around in the forest like an idiot.'

(3) On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river and caught nothing. Home. The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still didn't catch anything and went home. On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit: If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you! (

4) In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hong Kong and mainland China, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three forests to see who of the three police officers could find the rabbit first. The first forest The former was the American police. They first spent half a day in a meeting to formulate a combat plan and strictly divided the labor. Then they sent special forces to quickly enter the forest to conduct a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away, and the mission failed! Then it was the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent more than a hundred people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader used a loudspeaker to shout: 'Rabbit, rabbit, you have been surrounded, come out and surrender...' For half a day It passed, but there was no movement. The Flying Tigers entered the forest and searched again, but no results were found. The mission failed! Finally, there were Chinese policemen. There were only four of them. They played mahjong for a day. At dusk, each of them entered the forest with a baton. Within five minutes, listen. There was a burst of animal screams in the forest. A Chinese policeman came out smoking a cigarette and talking and laughing. Behind him was a bear with a bruised nose and swollen face. The bear was dying and said: "Don't fight anymore, I am a rabbit." .......'