Who can tell me some jokes? Thank you: -o

On the last day of military training, the instructor asked all the students to gather. But he saw a little boy grinding hard on the wall, and the instructor asked, why are you grinding soap? He replied, if I don't grind off half the soap, my mother will think I didn't take a bath this week.

The tiger chased the snake and the snake jumped into the water. The tiger waited patiently by the river. After a long time, a turtle climbed up, and the tiger held it down and said, "Where are you going?" I'll know you when you put on your vest! "

Mother said, "Don't leave until tomorrow what you can finish today." The son said, "well, give me the cake just now." I ate it all today. "

Child: "Dad, what kind of cigarette is this?" Dad: "Remember, smoke is a chimney." Child: "Oh, I see! Why is dad's nose not called' chimney'? "

"Mom, are people really monkeys?" "yes." "Oh, no wonder there are fewer and fewer monkeys."

1. Speak loosely

Dad said when saying the idiom "snipe and clam fight": "After the clam clamped its strong mouth, the clam said I wouldn't let go today or tomorrow. The sun will kill you! " When the 6-year-old heard this, he asked his father. "Don't mussels talk with their mouths?"

"Can you talk without your mouth?"

"Does it not let go?"

Step 2 don't eat candy

Mom: "The big chimney in this factory is really annoying. Black smoke billowed all day. This makes me breathless. " Xiaohong: "Never mind, I'll get you Dad's candy to quit smoking."

What can be done today is done today.

Father: "What can be done today must never be put off until tomorrow."

Son: "It's so easy. Bring the biscuit box! "

4. Goldfish dyeing

When the father saw his son pour blue ink into the goldfish bowl, he asked him why. children

The son said, "goldfish will become blue goldfish when they eat blue ink."

make progress

Brother: "How do you call progress?"

Elder sister: "I did more things today than yesterday."

Brother: "Dad has made progress. Yesterday, he smoked and burned a hole in his clothes. Today, he burned three. "

6. Progress is really fast.

Son: "Mom, I got the fifth place in this exam. Boil an egg for me quickly. " Mom: "Good boy, progress is really fast. Mom cooks two eggs for you today. " Son: "Thank you, Mom!"

Mom: "How many people took part in this exam?"

Son: "Five people."

7. Pears in the mirror

Mother: "Why do you eat pears in front of the mirror?"

Daughter: "Can't you eat two pears like this?"

8. Infer from one example to another

"Dad, how do you write the word" cake "for moon cakes?"

"It's the word" cake "for sugar cake."

"How do you write the word" cake "for sugar cakes?"

"It's the word" pancake "for pancakes!"

"How do you spell pancakes?"

"You idiot, I can't teach you by analogy!"

9. Crying is better than laughing

After watching the movie "Laughing is better than crying", Pingping said to his mother, "Mom, crying should be better than laughing."

"Why?"

"Because when I cry, I can get anything."

10. Abuse of words

Hello, my dearest father! Have you been as strong as an ox recently? Is the work thriving? Now I am studying hard at my own risk. The teacher praised my great achievements, which made me feel smug. You criticize me for abusing words, and I will definitely give up all my efforts and make a comeback. May dad live forever! Your youngest son, baby.

1 1. The price of wolf meat has not increased.

In front of the stationery counter, a child took out a dime from his pocket and said to the salesman, "Aunt, buy a wool brush."

Salesman: "Kid, the L wool of a wool is 5 cents."

Children: "Wasn't it L Mao last week?"

Salesman: "the price of mutton has gone up, so has the price of wool!" " "

Child: "Let's have a wolf hair. Aunt, the price of wolf meat has not increased, has it? "

12. The teeth of the elderly

Chen Er asked his mother, "Our family has good food every day. My little brother is also my mother's favorite baby. Why not give him a little milk to drink and nothing to eat? "

His mother said, "Because my little brother has no teeth and can't chew, he must eat milk."

Chen Erqi said strangely, "I don't think the old man next door has teeth in his mouth either. Why didn't the old woman give him milk to drink? "