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Send a funny joke at the end of the year

Send a funny joke at the end of the year

At the end of the year, I made a joke to make everyone laugh from the end of the year to the new year!

1、

A: I find that I can't help watching movies now!

Why are you acting like a woman? You like watching movies and eating snacks so much!

I don't like snacks!

B: Then why can't you keep your hands idle?

What do you say?

B: Nima, an island movie!

2.

Trial? Me?

Sesame official:? Bring the criminal here! ?

The prisoner was brought to the trial site.

Sesame official:? Prisoner, what's your name

Offenders:? Me. ?

Sesame official:? Why are you dishonest? I mean, what is your name?

Offenders:? My name has only one word. Call me?

Sesame official:? Why did you call me?

Offenders:? Because my mother said that when I was a child, I had a poor memory and too many names and words, so I only took one? Me? Words. ?

Sesame official:? I see. Hmm! Then I want you to listen carefully and I want to answer truthfully.

Offenders:? That is. ?

Sesame official:? Now we're officially interrogating people Give me tea first. ?

Sesame official was furious when he served tea. You are blind, how can you bring tea to the prisoner? This is tea for officials. ?

So he took the tea from the prisoner back to the sesame official.

Sesame official:? Crime, knowing the crime.

Offenders:? Know the crime. ?

Sesame official:? I was accused of robbing a civilian, which is true.

Offenders:? Ask yourself. ?

Sesame official:? I'm asking you.

Offenders:? I have a bad memory. ?

Sesame official:? I am dishonest, am I? Here we go. Torture, hit 40 boards! ?

Hitman:? My Lord, who is dishonest?

Sesame official:? Me! ?

Hitman:? Then hit who?

Sesame official:? That must be hitting me! Idiot, this question! ?

Scratching, forty boards fell on the sesame official, who was beaten with black eyes, swollen eyes and panting. You have committed a crime, how dare you hit this officer! ?

Hitman:? Didn't you tell me to hit you?

Sesame official:? Fuck you. I'm an official on stage and a criminal off stage. Today, I am so sad! ?

3、

Go out for dinner with my wife. After eating, I found that neither of them had any money.

So I had an idea and said to the waiter, well, waiter, I don't have any money with me. My wife is sitting here. I'll go back and get the money, okay?

After hearing this, the waiter looked at my wife and said slowly, your bet is a little insufficient ~ ~

4.

The staff of a certain unit said to the director: Our section chief just died unfortunately! Listen, let me take his place, okay?

Secretary:? I don't have any complaints, but I don't know if the crematorium will agree! ?

5、

When I was traveling by car, my son had to pee halfway. There was no toilet nearby, so I let my son pee along the door. Soon, a police car behind me caught up, getting closer and closer, and I accelerated, but he still caught up with me, and I thought, that's it. I will definitely pay the fine. ?

I saw the traffic police roll open the window and say to me: I caught up with you, you, your car leaked oil! ?

6、

Wen Qing mai rou

I am a young man of literature and art. No matter what I do, I can't forget my style of writing.

I went to buy pork today and asked the butcher: I'm from the mountains. How much is lean meat?

The butcher said that the spring flowers are still there, 18 yuan Jin! ?

As soon as I heard that I was still a fellow traveler, I said: We are both unhappy-at the end of the day, not even a catty 12%! ?

The butcher's mouth twitched and said, Wukong redeemed Bajie, how could the price be less than a penny! ?

Wukong? Bajie? I was smart, and immediately knew that he was satirizing me as clever as a monkey, so I pointed to the pork and said, this gentleman is your own flesh and blood, so I will leave if I don't sell it! ?

Say that finish and leave smartly!

7、

The fat girl asked me: What do you think of when you see me?

I said without hesitation:? Then you must think of four beautiful women! ?

Fat sister angry way:? You must want to say that I am as fat as Yang Guifei?

I immediately shook my head: of course not! Seeing you reminds me of the story of diusim! ?

The fat girl is a little happy: attach importance to

Me:? Yes! You are hairy as a mink and noisy as a cicada! ! ?

8、

The teacher gave the students a lesson. Students, it is not easy to become an expert in a certain field. You need to immerse yourself in it and study hard. For example, to be a writer, you must bury yourself in literature for at least 30 years! ?

Hearing this, Xiao Ming said: My grandfather should be a geographer! ?

Teacher:? Oh, your grandfather works in geology.

Xiaoming:? Where is it! He's only been buried underground for thirty years! ?

Teacher:? You get out! ?

9、

The rabbit has become lazy since he married the tortoise.

After lunch that day, the tortoise asked the rabbit to help with the housework.

Tortoise: The legs of the bed are loose. Please go and repair them.

Rabbit: I am not a carpenter.

Tortoise: The light bulb in the bedroom is broken. Go change it.

Rabbit: I am not an electrician.

The tortoise tried to open his mouth, but the rabbit ran out of the house angrily and went outside to play. The rabbit didn't go home until evening. It found that the legs of the bed had been repaired and the light bulb had been changed, so it was surprised to ask the tortoise. Who did this?

The tortoise replied:? After you left, I was so angry that I sat in a daze at the door. A rooster passed by and asked about the situation. He is willing to help me repair the bed and change the light bulb. However, it made a condition. Let me either find a daughter-in-law for it or have a good time with it in the repaired bed. ?

The rabbit answered quickly: the street is full of coquettish hens, so you can find one for it to eat. ?

The tortoise blushed and said, I'm not a matchmaker. ?

10、

Are you online? Double eleven? At zero o'clock, I curled my hair and suddenly felt like Ma Yun. In just a few tens of seconds, it is hundreds of millions of dollars. The only difference is that he went in and I shot out.

1 1.

While looking in the mirror, my wife muttered, God is so unfair. Why am I so tall?

Husband: Honey, stop complaining. God is fair to everyone. Didn't everyone say that God closed a door for you and left you a window?

Wife: That's nice. What about my window? Where is it?

Husband patted his wife's stomach: look, isn't this? God closed the tall door for you, but opened the fat window for you.

Wife, Dad: Nima

12、

I was sitting there watching the football match, and an uncle came to join in the fun. At this time, a team member fell down.

Grandpa immediately shouted, with my years of experience, I can see at a glance that it was a dive, a dive.

My brother looked at my uncle and asked curiously, Grandpa, I can't see that you also play football.

Grandpa: What football?

Brother: Then how do you know he is diving?

Grandpa: I fell so many times. How could I not know? But I never liked him. People helped him and ran away without money.

13、

Mother is so tired that she just wants to sleep, but her daughter is chattering with excitement. ? Bao Er, you look a lot like me when I was a child. ?

? Of course, I'm mom. You gave birth to me. ?

? But I didn't talk as much as you when I was a child. ?

? Oh, that's because you don't know as much as I do, and there's nothing to say. ?

? Then I know more than you now, and I don't say more than you.

? Mom, people should be modest. There's always something I know you don't know. ?

? Oh? take for example

? You are not at home this afternoon. My brother and I secretly watched two episodes of cartoons. ?

14 one morning, my daughter, who was in the first grade of primary school, was a little slow in combing her hair and was in a hurry.

Daughter:? Mom, you have to hurry, or you will have no money. ?

Mom:? So serious

Daughter:? Hmm. Being late will be criticized and humiliated; If you are late, you will lose your salary and money. No one and no money, no one and no money.

Mom. . .

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