Tomb-Sweeping Day jokes ""

20 17 Tomb-Sweeping Day classic joke 1, there are two people fishing by the river.

A man grabbed a kettle, then an umbrella, and then a leather shoe.

He said to another person in fear. Let's leave now. Looks like someone lives here! ?

2. A friend lives in a funeral home and is bored in the middle of the night. He used WeChat to find someone nearby, found a girl and sent her a message immediately.

After a long time, I received a reply from the other party: Big Brother, can you burn me an iphone5? I like white! Thank you, good people. Have a safe life!

On the day of Tomb-Sweeping Day, a man found a thick wallet on the road.

I am ecstatic. Open it and it's all paper money!

Tian Yang way:? How to find such good luck in life! ?

So I grabbed my wallet and killed it by the roadside!

4. A person lives alone in a tall building and will arrive in the middle of the night. Tell him that tomorrow night will be very fascinating, please bring your own things.

The next day passed for a long time, and people were complaining: Why are you here?

Cow's head and horse's face gasped, the elevator stopped and climbed upstairs.

The prince made a general survey and found that there were many birthday girls in the deep mountains. He asked the ghost why the sentence was unfair, and the ghost judge stammered, "It's too far. Going once is very tiring. " ?

6. A professor gave a lecture: When a person dies, he becomes a butterfly, which is romanticism. Being asked to leave by a horse face is classicism. Being cremated is realism. Being frozen and resurrected is surrealism. Besides, you can't imagine me dead, can you?

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Is this absurdism?

7. Old ghost: Kid, where's the paper money your family burned the other day?

Kidd: GREAT GHOST and I have invested together.

Old ghost: Did you make any money?

Child: this fool, ghost has no feet, but wants to open a shoe store!

8. Don't tell ghost stories at night, because people love to listen and ghosts love to listen.

20 17 Tomb-Sweeping Day jokes 1.

Tomb-Sweeping Day, a friend who visited the grave, lamented: Paper money is made like real money now, and it really hurts when burned. With a wry smile, his wife called and said? Didn't you go to the grave? Why don't you bring the paper money on the table? Besides, what about the 60 thousand yuan I just withdrew today? After listening to this, my buddy cried in the grave several times. Passers-by praised them in succession. How filial! It's rare to cry like this at the grave!

2.

After notifying the grave-sweeping activity yesterday,

Student: Do you take a broom to sweep the grave?

Teacher: No need to bring it.

Student: How long does it take to sweep the grave? Are we going to live in the cemetery at night?

Teacher: I dare not live, you live!

Student: Teacher, I made a small white flower for you!

Thank you. I'm not dead yet.

It's not easy to be a teacher!

3.

The wife rummaged through her husband's mobile phone and found a short message sent by her husband to her best friend, which was very dull and normal. Recently, the stock market is improving, so it is recommended to hold positions, 002291000524 002467 002582? .

His wife usually speculates a little stock, and at first glance, she knows that it is a stock code. Out of curiosity about the recommended stocks, she looked up the names of the stocks.

Actually:? Saturday? ,? Oriental hotel? ,? Two, six, three? I miss you so much? !

Damn fire, theft and mistress! You must know the stock code.

4.

Wife: I'm sick.

Husband: What's the matter?

Wife: Climate and temperature cause people's anxiety, irritability, and scratching their hearts and livers, which always makes them feel unpleasant.

Husband: Speak human words.

Wife: The season has changed. I need to buy clothes.

Letting women wear clothes from previous years is like letting men pick up leftover cigarette butts! Stop complaining that women always buy clothes. Have a cigarette if you can.

5.

The husband asked his wife, What flowers do you like?

The wife said shyly:? I like two kinds of flowers. ?

The husband asked eagerly: What two kinds? I gave it to you. ?

The wife whispered:? Spend as much as you have. ?

The husband said stupidly:? You are so beautiful. ?

The wife said:? I'm not pretty. ?

Husband said affectionately:? Good thinking? . ?

6.

Q:? What's the difference between Valentine's Day and Tomb-Sweeping Day now?

A:? Valentine's Day, like Tomb-Sweeping Day, has flowers and vegetables.

The difference lies in: burning real money and telling people a lot of nonsense on Valentine's Day;

Tomb-Sweeping Day burned fake money and told a bunch of people nonsense. ?

7.

Tomb-Sweeping Day will be here soon. Zhang San went to buy a sacrifice and saw an Apple mobile phone wrapped in paper.

Some people don't agree: Ah, can the ancestors use the Apple mobile phone?

The shopkeeper gave him a white look and said, Jobs went down to teach himself. Why do you care? Zhang San thought it made sense and bought one.

Boss reminds: buy a charger! Be careful when you come back. If it is a small matter when you come back, it will be troublesome to ask you to send it!

Colleagues were afraid that their ancestors would let him send them, so they had to buy another charger. When paying the money, my colleague asked the boss for a business card, and my colleague said that they would burn it with something to worship their ancestors. If there is something wrong with my mobile phone, I can directly ask you for warranty! The boss fainted on the spot. ..

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