Humor joke positive energy

Humor, funny jokes, positive energy. Life is stressful and fast-paced, so people are always looking for things that can make them happy. Being a humorous person can make people around you and yourself happy. So what humorous jokes can bring positive energy and happiness? Let's have a look.

Humor segment positive energy 1 1. At the mobile phone party, a mobile phone said, "I'm from Nokia." The other said, "I'm from Samsung." Another well-dressed man said, "I'm from Apple." Then a cell phone in the corner said, "Don't argue, I'm fake, and whoever I love is mine!" " "

Second, I work in a hospital. One day, an earthquake happened. At this time, everyone went out. Only the old director of internal medicine calmly held the wall and took out two antihypertensive drugs ... he thought his blood pressure was very high.

Third, it snows. Ordinary youth: "Ah, it's snowing, so white!" " "Literary youth:" Snow is as clean as jade, purifying the soul and spirit! Young man: Cao, God's poop is white!

The frog took a bottle of Erguotou to the tortoise's house to pray for the secret of longevity. The tortoise blew on the spout. He said slowly, "It's actually quite simple. No matter what happens, stick your head in first. "

Sima Guang patted Wang Anshi on the shoulder: "Fu Jie, fight with me? You are still too young. " Wang Anshi calmly replied, "What's the big deal? Isn't it just smashing a water tank? If I were you, I would certainly do the same. I just missed an opportunity. " There are two cold lights in Sima Guang's eyes: "Opportunities are created by ourselves. You only know that the old man smashed the jar, but you don't know how the child fell in? "

6. It is above 40 degrees Celsius every day, and I have to go out to run business. It is true that the barbecue business has developed rapidly, and now it has developed to every household.

A black man was bitten by lice. He blew out the candle and said, let you never see me again.

8. When Director Zhang gave a speech, there was a buzz from the audience, which quickly drowned out the director's voice. The director was very unhappy and was about to get angry when a young man stood up and shouted, "Everybody stop arguing!" " "The whole room suddenly quiet down. The director was very moved: after all, there is a bosom friend! The young man went on to say, "You made me wake up! "

I happened to chat with a MM today. I asked her what she looked like, and she said 168, long hair. I asked if I could be more specific. She said it was not specific? I said, sure, find a mop of 168 and turn it upside down. Isn't it just like you? ! Then she knocked me out. ...

X. When the American diplomatic delegation visited the Soviet Union, Soviet reception officials accompanied them to visit the great achievements of construction, and proudly said: By the next five-year plan, every Soviet family can have a private jet! The American asked in surprise: What do they need a plane for? Su Xiu officials said: Of course it works! For example, if you hear in Moscow that Leningrad has started to supply bread, you can fly to the queue immediately.

Eleven, mother snail said to the snail: You are not young, tomorrow I will take you to the village next door for a blind date. The snail said, I'm only 12 years old, and I haven't reached the legal age. Mom: When we get there, you will be enough.

Twelve, surfing the Internet at home One night, Wangwang suddenly jumped out of the window and said to me, "Dear, I am pregnant." Elder brother suddenly a surprised, the heart says he didn't rush what trouble? Just as he was stunned, the man said, "Go to the hospital for examination tomorrow." I want to know who you are. Do you want me to accompany you to check? Do you want to correct me? Just thinking, the man said, "I can only deliver the goods to you the day after tomorrow." Shit, I bought something at your house this afternoon.

Thirteen, on the way to learn the scriptures, the Tang Priest deeply felt sorry for his three disciples. One jumps up and down, the other is lazy, and the other always falls behind. They are all people of status and don't pay attention to quality. It is simply unorganized and undisciplined! So the Tang Priest gave special training to the three disciples. A month later, the Tang Priest said, "March quickly!"

Wandering in the street with friends, meeting foreign friends, say hello to him: "hello!" " "The friend also said," Ha Lao, cool dog! " "Sorry ... go to hell!

15. A few years ago, it was rumored that Wang, the minister of examination department, would take over as invigilator. Mr. Wang joked that only the year of the monkey is possible (when the monkey is emperor, there will be a year of the monkey, but it is impossible for the monkey. So he won't have a chance. However, in recent days, the concern of the upper class shows great signs of appointing Mr. Wang as a supervisor. Is there really no Year of the Monkey? I'm going to check Mr. Li's zodiac ... or did the newspaper do it on purpose? ...

Newton visited the Zen master because of mechanical problems. The Zen master spread a blanket under the inclined plane, put the ball on the inclined plane and let it fly. The ball rolled for a short distance and then stopped. The Zen master replaced the blanket with a smooth wooden surface, and the ball rolled for a long distance before stopping. Newton suddenly realized: you mean that force is the reason to change the state of motion of an object, and as long as it is not stressed, it can keep moving? The Zen master said, I mean, as far away from here as possible!

Seventeen, "when I was in college, my classmates went to Sichuan restaurant together and asked for a pig's head when ordering. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn't understand. A classmate smiled and pointed to his head and said to the waitress, "Here! Pig head meat! " "Miss": "Oh … I see!" "From then on, this gentleman had the nickname" pig's head meat ". "

In the morning, a buddy went to the front of the stairs and stopped on the first step. After a long time, he suddenly woke up and shouted, "Isn't this an escalator?" ! "

Nineteen, a TV program said that a white radish was planted and turned into a carrot in autumn. Experts from all over the country discussed collectively. Water, fertilizer, land type, air, weather and even planting methods were investigated. Episodes 1, 2 and 3. The final conclusion is that my buddy planted the wrong seeds.

Twenty, a man was walking on a dusty road, and a coachman caught up with him with a four-wheeled car. He said to the driver, "Boss, can you be kind?" Take my coat to town. The driver said, "OK, but how can you get your coat again?" "He said," it's easy. I'll stay in my coat. "

Wei Xiaobao, Yang Guo, Guo Jing and Ling Huchong compare their wives together. Yang Guo said: My wife is willing to jump off a cliff for me. Guo Jing said: My wife is willing to break up with my father for me. Ling Huchong said: My wife is willing to be imprisoned in Shaolin Temple for me. Wei Xiaobao smiled and said nothing. They looked back. Shuang'er once asked Huang Rong, Xiaolong Girl and Ren Yingying for their phone numbers and QQ numbers.

Twenty-two. After reading the news that a man in Xiamen was paralyzed after eating twelve moon cakes all night, my girlfriend asked me flatly, "Why does this man keep eating cakes?" I also ate 12 months! ! ! "

Twenty-three, ordinary youth: "The girl we chased together in those years" Style literary youth: "The girl we went together in those years" Other youth: "The girl we downloaded together in those years" ~

Twenty-four, some petite girls, I beg you to stop saying that you are fat! Less than 100 kg, each with thin arms and thin legs, mini kept saying: ah! How fat! Want to lose weight! As a result, my calf stretched out and Nima was as thin as an arm! I dare ask, do you want to be as thin as a cushion? There is a line in front and a line on the side, which is too thin to see! ! You're not afraid of moving, are you?

25. A small snail had just climbed over a bridge when it suddenly collapsed with a bang. The little snail sweated and sighed, "Mom, I can't run fast, and my life is gone."

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

Only those lazy people will complain and suffer for not getting up every morning. Really motivated people will call for leave immediately.

28. In the restaurant, a man pointed to a tofu more than two meters long in the dish and shouted, "What ears are you! I ordered home-cooked tofu! " When the chef heard this, he wondered, "Isn't it long enough?"

Twenty-nine, moths go out to travel, and they are going to find a place to rest at night. However, I found an Internet cafe in front of me, so I decided to stay. Who knows that I was tied up by a spider as soon as I entered the door. Facing the spider's butcher knife, moths not only sigh; Damn it, black shop!

Thirty, really good men don't play games, DOTA or WOW. But when he is playing a game, as long as you send a text message, a phone call and a QQ, he will directly quit the game for you. A netizen spoke out: this kind of person is commonly known as "a teammate like a pig." Never cooperate with him!

A friend said to the moon: You are my other half. Yue said to Peng: I didn't promise to marry you. You should remember that we are just friends at present.

Thirty-two, the apple is sick, and the orange goes to see it. When I arrived at Apple's house, I saw Apple lying on the bed with thick gauze wrapped around her shoulders. The orange asked, how could it hurt so badly? Apple's mother said angrily, it's not her fault. I miss the iphone so much that I think it's really an apple. This is a dream!

33. Mu said to Zhu: Who is standing beside you? I don't know.

Thirty-four, a children's shoe remembers the English words as follows: gose (dog died), mouth (cat died), knees (you died), was (I died), bus (father died), yes (grandfather died), girs (brother died), miss (sister died), and school (death ray). ! ! Awesome!

Thirty-five, the monkey teacher teaches other small animals in class. Suddenly, the student pig farted, and suddenly, the whole class was boiling. The monkey teacher went mad with anger. Without thinking, he dragged toad out of the classroom and gave him a good corporal punishment. Just when Toad tried to defend himself, the monkey teacher shouted loudly, "Look at your belly bulging like that, I know you have a lot of fart!" " "

Humorous joke positive energy 2 1, in the morning, the girl I like actually confessed to me!

I said excitedly, am I dreaming?

She said to me: you can slap yourself, maybe you will wake up.

I slapped myself and woke up. . .

2. Girl: "If you can give me a rainbow right away, I will associate with you!" "

Boy: "Where do you want it to appear?"

The girl held out her left hand and said, "Here."

The boy smiled and grabbed the girl's left hand and pressed it on the ground, stepping on the red hard. . .

3. A female colleague came to work wearing translucent clothes. I couldn't help asking her, is it that hot? Do you have to dress like this?

Her words are amazing: I don't dress like this. Who can show you some K underwear inside?

I quarreled with my girlfriend these two days, during the cold war. Asked if my colleague could get his girlfriend to talk to me, he said, "When you go home, turn off the main tap water gate, drink all the water in the water dispenser, unscrew the light bulb in the toilet and put some viruses in her computer. She will naturally talk to you. "

So I went home and did it right away.

When my girlfriend came home, she found that what she used at home was broken. She thinks I'm too poor and now she has to break up with me. . .

5. Woman: "Men are liars unless you admit that you are not a man."

Man: "well, I admit I'm not a man."

Woman: "Look, you are a big liar!" " "

6. "Dear, do you know that behind every successful man there is a great woman?"

"I see, but can you come down and walk for a while? I really can't move. "

7. Go to my girlfriend's house. She is actually reading a book. . .

I asked her why she was so diligent.

She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully.

I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

8. My girlfriend cried and asked me why I broke up with her. What did she do wrong?

I told her bored: you are good everywhere, beautiful, generous, gentle and considerate, and will hurt people. That's right. . .

Girlfriend is nervous: What's the matter?

Me: Treat your husband better than me!

9. When Xiao Ming was looking for a job after graduation, the interviewer asked, "What is your biggest weakness?"

Xiao Ming replied: "Honest."

Interviewer: "I don't think this is a shortcoming."

Xiao Ming immediately said happily, "Really, fatty?"

10, once I went to my wife's house, there was a live milkman in their village, and a bottle was seven yuan a catty.

I couldn't drink that much, so I said, boss, I want two dollars. The boss gave me a white look: two dollars? Then squat down and have a drink by yourself. . .

1 1, a girl looks dark and has never met a phone call on many blind dates.

Recently, another neighbor's aunt is going to introduce someone to her and ask her what she wants.

My sister thought for a moment and said, "It's better to be darker than me."

Aunt looked at her and whispered, "That's not easy to find."

12, how to make profits in stock trading: First of all, you should join various stock trading exchange groups, learn stock trading knowledge, and get all kinds of inside information. Then when someone else's stock goes up, shh, it makes people give out red envelopes. You just grab the red envelope and don't buy stocks.