Please tell me a funny joke! ! ! ! !

Eleven disgusting jokes! ! Let’s see which one you stick to!

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes (Part 1)

Some people like the dish "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" very much. One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" he asked disappointedly. "Sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table." The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a very respectable gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's meal was almost finished, but the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" was still full. The man felt that the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he walked up to the gentleman, pointed to the "Spicy Vermicelli Pot" and asked politely: "Sir, do you want more of this?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, half of his stomach was full, and suddenly he found a very small mouse with all its fur lying on the bottom of the casserole. Feeling sick, the man vomited all the vermicelli he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was turning his stomach, the gentleman looked at him with sympathy and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like that just now..."

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes (Part 2) )

"Begging" On this day, the hotel owner was inspecting the lobby. A beggar came up and said, "Boss, can you give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent him away. After a while, another beggar came, also asking for toothpicks. The boss thought to himself: Why does this beggar ask for toothpicks instead of rice? He was also sent away, and not long after, another beggar came. The boss said to him: "Are you here to ask for toothpicks too?" The beggar said: "Someone vomited, but I was a step too late. The two beggars in front had already eaten everything I could eat, and now only the soup is left. . Can you give me a straw? ”

Ranking of the world’s most disgusting jokes (No. 3)

“Vomiting” The eldest brother and the second child were on a plane, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. . One bag was full, so the boss had to go get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said: "I saw that this bag was also full of vomiting, so I had to drink half of the bag, and they all vomited."

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes ( Part 4)

"Saving Food" When I was a child, I was dishonest in eating. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me: It has been hard for 60 years and there is no food. I never throw away the boogers I picked out. .

Ranking of the World's Greatest Disgusting Jokes (No. 5)

"Shopping" A man saw a big sale in a store and walked in. "What are you buying?" "I want to buy dog ??food." "We have regulations, you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a regulation?" "This is what discounted goods are like." The man spent a long time with the salesperson. , the salesperson still refused to sell it to him. There was no other way, so the man had no choice but to go home and bring the dog with him, and then he bought dog food. A few days later, the man went to the store again to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have regulations. You must prove that you have a cat." It was the same salesperson. The man spent another long time with her, but in the end he had to go home and bring the cat over to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store carrying a large cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesperson. "What are you buying?" "You'll find out when you put your hand in." The salesperson put his hand in: "What is it? It's sticky." "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper.

Ranking of the World's Greatest Disgusting Jokes (No. 6)

"Drinking Phlegm" The eldest brother and the second child went to the theater to watch a play. They saw the two of them arguing about the development of the plot during the movie, and the eldest brother pointed to the front and made a bet. A row of spittoons said: "The loser has to take a sip of what's inside. "Unfortunately, the eldest brother lost, so he frowned and took a sip. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second eldest son lost. The second eldest son picked up a spittoon and took fifteen gulps in a row.

The boss was shocked and looked down in admiration. He said to the second brother, "You are so amazing. You can drink fifteen gulps in a row!" The second boss shook his head. "It's not that I want to drink. The phlegm in the spittoon is too thick. I really don't want it." Keep biting!"

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes (No. 7)

"Chocolate" A man went to visit his grandmother with his friends. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friend started eating peanuts on the coffee table and finished them all. As they left, his friend said to Grandma, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Uh-huh! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I just sucked the chocolate out of them. Old Okay, cough...

Ranking of the world’s most disgusting jokes (Part 8)

A rich man was looking for a servant. They all came out without washing their hands after washing, so the rich man sent them away. Only one of them washed his hands, so the rich man kept him. But one day, the rich man found that he came out without washing his hands. The rich man asked him who he was. Why? The servant replied: "I brought toilet paper today..."

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes (ninth)

"The Story of Pig Blood Cake" There was a young man People especially like to eat pig blood cakes. Once when I was shopping, I found an old lady selling pig blood cakes on the street, so I bought one. After eating it, I felt that it was different from the pig blood cakes I had eaten before, so I went back and looked for it. The old lady wanted to buy another one, but she said it was sold out. The young man asked why there were so few. The old lady replied: Does it only come once a month? There used to be quite a lot, but now that I am older, there are even fewer. !!!!!!!

Ranking of the World's Greatest Disgusting Jokes (Ten)

"The Story of Hot Noodles" There is a stall that sells hot noodle, and it always attracts customers because it tastes good. There was a steady supply. One night, a customer came to buy hot noodles. While waiting, the man suddenly felt uncomfortable in his throat. He coughed a few times and spit out thick phlegm. At this time, the boss packed the bone soup. He opened the lid of the pot and was about to ladle out the soup, and the spit spit into the pot. The two of them looked at each other without making a sound. Then a man who looked like a farmer came to buy hot rice noodles and looked at him. When I saw the thick phlegm floating in the bone soup, I said to the boss, "Boss, we usually don't have enough oil. Could you please give me the floating oil in the soup?" Thank you! Quickly spoon the thick phlegm into his hot powder

Ranking of the world's most disgusting jokes (No. 11)

A female reporter went to the mountains to do an interview about happiness and asked a Old man: Master, what has made you the happiest in your life?

The old man said: "Yes, forty years ago, the wife of the second child in the village went to the mountain to collect medicine. After getting lost, more than thirty men from the whole village went up the mountain to look for him. When we found him, we encountered heavy rain. We hid in a cave. That night, we fucked Erwa and his wife in the cave~"

The female reporter hurriedly interrupted him: "Uncle, is there anything that makes you feel happier than this?"

The old man said: "Yes, thirty years ago, the mother of Tiezhu's family The cow was lost on the mountain. About 30 men from our village went up the mountain to look for it. When we found it, it rained heavily. We hid in a cave. That night we gave the cow to..."

"Okay, let's talk about what is the most painful thing in your life." The female reporter was anxious.

"Yes, twenty years ago, I lost my way in the mountains. More than thirty men from the whole village came up the mountain to look for me..." The uncle's face turned pale.

Jokes

My ex is a great guy. He especially likes to defecate in the toilet and move his hips into various shapes. Not to mention, he also likes to scream after he poops. Let me appreciate his so-called art! Technique! I can't stand it now! Until one day when it was my birthday, he excitedly called me to the toilet and said: My dear, this is my birthday gift to you. I have practiced for a whole month for it! When I saw it, fuck! He really pulled out "happy birthday"! Holy shit!

I saw a young girl in the supermarket. My friend poked me: "Look, there is a girl there." I said, "Why is the quantifier of a girl a coin?" My friend said, "It feels very delicate, doesn't it?" Really? Girls are delicate creatures." I suddenly understood and nodded in sympathy. Not long after, a friend poked me: "Look, there is a bunch of women there."

"Do you know why we can feel each other's heartbeats strongly when we hug?" "Is it because we love deeply and are connected at the heart?" "No, it's because you are flat-chested."

It happened in a certain engineering school. A sophomore leaned into the arms of a junior and asked, "Why don't the freshman like me?" The junior senior stroked the sophomore senior's head and said: "You little fool, they still like women!"

Male: "Do you know why the ring you buy for wedding is called a ring?" Female : "Why?" Man: "So evil, so evil!" Woman: "I understand, it is indeed evil!!!"

The Japanese spent 166 million to buy the Diaoyu Islands. This is not only a violation of Chinese territory The invasion is even more of an insult to China’s land prices!

A senior girl told me that on Teacher’s Day yesterday, the newlywed counselor in her class received: 20 Multiple boxes of various types of condoms, essential oils, time-delay drugs, 5-6 sets of sexy underwear, candles (um, what's going on?) and a large ZW device... Oh, this class is full of weirdos, The teacher was so moved that he cried!

I have a second-rate wife... I cut her... Every time I see a beautiful woman on the street, my wife looks at me first. Look, she whistled to the beautiful woman, and when the beautiful woman turned around, her wife slapped me and called me shameless.

Erqilu-Forum netizen revealed: One night I thought. When I bought snacks, my mom stopped me and asked me, "You don't want to lose weight?" "I said: "Hi... Anyway, I have a boyfriend, and someone wants me..." Then my mother looked at me for a long time and said something very inspiring: "Don't want to change? ”

On the subway, a three-and-a-half-year-old young lady hugged the thigh of a girl who was wearing a pair of hot pants and said: Sister, your legs are so white! My face turned red with embarrassment. How many people are there in the same carriage? Everyone laughed. At this time, the young man said to me: Uncle, I’m done. Get off the car and take me to eat the chicken...

I finally understand why military training requires front and back. My wife is spinning around, because only in this way can I tan more evenly →_→

My wife is an operator and talks in her sleep at night. When I listen carefully, I don’t know who she is talking about business with. Occasionally, I hear some packages. I see She kissed me cutely, and then she said, "This customer, please don't kiss me. If you have no other business, please hang up, okay?" "

Erqi Road - Signed by a netizen on the forum: When one door closes, another door will open." I have a broken car like this. . .

I didn’t want me to use WeChat, so when someone added me on WeChat, I looked at their profile. I saw someone whose WeChat ID had tianmimi in front of it. I felt evil at the time, so I refused, but he added me. Several times, I later found out that it was a female colleague from my work unit. I asked her why she used this name, and she said what’s wrong, the song Sweet Honey is a classic.

In high school computer class, a buddy sat in the bottom row. The second row secretly surfed the pornographic website. When I did, I remembered that there were two female classmates in the back row. When I turned around, I saw the two girls' faces were red. When I saw him turning around, I scolded him XXX, you are so disgusting. He smiled and continued to look. After a while, he felt a little uneasy. He looked back and saw four girls sitting together and scolding her, "XXX, you are so disgusting."

Today on the street, two young men were fighting, and then a crowd of people gathered in front of them. There was a young JC outside who was also watching on tiptoe. I asked him, if you are not a JC, do you care? JC’s awkward and hearty smile, damn, I forgot about it. Then he took the two young men away. . .

The company has a strong negative atmosphere. As long as all employees, regardless of gender, get married and have children, they will all be girls, without exception. Last month, the guy next to me happily invited everyone to eat cakes and told everyone, "Break the curse and get a boy", a colleague replied with a rude reply "How is that possible? It must not be yours". . . As a result, the truth came out in the morning. I went for a test and found that it really wasn't his. . . Son

What happened in the afternoon was that the bicycle ran out of gas. When I walked to the repair shop, the master was not there and two old ladies and two beauties were waiting. After seeing me, they said to me: "You have to wait too, the master is not here. I have been waiting for a long time and I am so anxious!" I said: "I am just pumping up energy." Then I took the pump myself and said to them while pumping. : "You are so unlucky, it's such a hot day..." I just heard a "bang" sound, and my tire was punctured...

Last night, I was enjoying the coolness on a bench on campus. There was a mother and son sitting on the bench. The mother said: Baby, call your father to ask when he will come back. Little Shota (about four or five years old) dialed the phone and asked: Mom and Dad asked when you will come back. I guess they asked your mother to tell you, so Xiaozhengtai said to her: "Dad said you asked, you should tell him yourself." Mom: Tell me for me. Xiao Zhengtai’s face instantly became angry and serious and shouted at the phone: It’s already nine o’clock and you’re still not back. You’re going to die outside, you bastard. If you don’t come back quickly, don’t even think about having sex with me tonight. The bed, and then hung up. Mom looked proud. . . .