What men who cheat are most afraid of is the growth of women.

What men who cheat are most afraid of is the growth of women.

0 1 fixed thinking mode

0 1. If you keep going, the future is likely to get better.

Carol Dwek put forward two modes of thinking in Lifelong Growth.

1. Constant fixed thinking mode: After my husband cheated, my life was over.

A reader girl wrote that her father cheated, and her mother always scolded her father's shortcomings, which led her to hate her father's guts.

One day, she couldn't help asking her mother why she hated her father so much but didn't divorce him.

Mom said in surprise, what should I do if I get divorced? If there are no men at home, others will bully us and laugh at us!

The girl tried to explain to her mother that many divorced women around her are getting better and better. She is also an adult and will not be laughed at and bullied by her mother because of divorce.

But my mother is still the same: while hating her husband, she keeps complaining about her present life, but she doesn't change it. Life is like stagnant water, and she can't stand the impact.

02 Lifelong Growth Thinking Mode

A fixed mode of thinking is to think of yourself as "perfect" and "unchanged". They believe that "once married, they will live together forever", "marry a chicken, marry a dog". The present situation is the best, and the future can't be better.

Once something beyond their ability happens, they realize that "I am not perfect now", and narcissism will be seriously damaged.

In order to feel confident again, they would rather accept the poor status quo and comfort themselves that "this is the best choice"

2. Continuously improve the lifelong growth model: I can get better after my husband cheated. "What should I do after my husband's derailment?" I asked this question to other friends who are always energetic, and they gave me completely different answers.

"I can swim in fitness, make my body full of tension and look like a soldier ready to fight"; "I will learn to arrange flowers, read books and try to calm myself down"; "I will travel and see how different people deal with it." They are a group of people who have a "lifelong growth model" and think that everything-including the relationship with their spouses and the definition of love-can be changed. Good things will not happen to you in vain unless you stand on tiptoe.

Accept your fixed mode of thinking.

Even if you encounter betrayal and misfortune, as long as you go straight ahead like climbing stairs, the future is likely to get better.

02. growing up in marriage

It is better to achieve yourself than to achieve relationships.

The first step to have lifelong growth thinking is to accept your fixed thinking mode and tolerate those "unchangeable" obsessions.

Everyone's thinking mode is fixed, mixed with growth. There is no shame in admitting that you are not perfect.

When you come to a dead end, you might as well look at those people who have moved towards the light, and you will find that they are not special.

They are clever, aren't they? They work hard. Don't you work hard? Maybe others are also experiencing unhappy marriages, but you can only see down-to-earth happiness in them.

You must admit: I have the same potential as them.

The only difference is that you didn't take action to activate them.

Grasp the right to choose life.

If you want to have a higher face value, go to beauty and fitness; If you want to have a better temperament, go to school and travel; If you want to have a safer life, you should make money to strengthen yourself.

Accidents are everywhere, but whether the game of life is successful or not, as long as the cards are played skillfully, it is possible to turn defeat into victory.

A woman who has grown up all her life has a winning mentality when she holds cards.

Unfortunately, it is a hurdle that everyone may experience. Don't blame your feet for not being long enough, but remind yourself that it's time to practice leg strength.

Learn to walk independently at all times.

Of course, I don't mean that I have to be a woman, fighting alone all day, exhausted and worrying people around me. But to have your own ability, at least to support yourself, so as to walk more calmly and stronger.

If you have legs that fly as fast, where is the trough you can't get through? May you counterattack from failure and win a good hand.