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Can you tell me some jokes about death?

1, Dabai's diving skills are excellent. One day, while snorkeling in deep water, he suddenly found his love not far away. White boy thought: This boy has two skills. So he dived into 100 meters. When I saw it, I also dived 100 meters. Bai Zi was a little flustered and dived to 100 meters. Unexpectedly, Ji Lian also dived 100 meters. Bai Zi agreed, took out a board and wrote, "Your fangs can reach me." Who knows, love grabbed the board and wrote on it: "Captain, help! I fell into the water! "

It is said that Aizen left on Dong Xian's motorcycle after a big fight in the soul world. Because Dong Xian's eyes can't see, Aizen has to point out the direction for him all the time. Suddenly, a big ditch crossed in front of them, and Aizen immediately shouted: "Ditch! Ditch! Ditch! " Dong Xian thought that Aizen was too excited and got excited unconsciously, and then sang loudly: "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" "As a result, the two of them rushed directly into the ditch with their cars and people. ...

3, love fell into the swamp, how to struggle can't climb out. When the mud flooded his thigh, kira yamato came.

Love time: kira yamato! Kira yamato! As long as you save me, I promise you anything!

Kira yamato: I want you to fall in love with me.

Love time (anger): get out! I hate gays!

So kira yamato left. After a while, mud poured into the chest, and then the money came.

Love Time: Captain Ichimaru! Captain Ichimaru! As long as you save me, I promise you anything!

Silver: Yo ~ Xiao Ai ~ I want you to fall in love with me ~ ~

Get out! I hate gays!

So the silver was left behind. Not long after, the muddy water has flooded to the neck, and then it is white!

Love time: Captain Deadwood! I love you! I love you! Help me!

Bai Zi (coldly): Get out! I hate gays!

All organizations in the spiritual world went to the seaside to play. Just as everyone was about to go swimming, Xiao Bai suddenly broke into the women's locker room. Momo, kurotsuchi nemu, Xu Qi and other female death women screamed and covered their bodies with bath towels. Seeing this, Xiao Bai said angrily, "Why, you haven't met anyone!" " "

After the exam, Xiaobai went home and gave it to Momo.

DOG pointed to the paper and said, "Xiaobai, why do I feel that the last 1 zero of this 100 point seems to be added later?"

Xiaobai immediately said, "You are wrong. The last two zeros are added later. "

6. Xiao Bai always likes being late for school and doesn't like doing homework. One day he was late again, and Yamamoto said, "What's the reason why you are late today?"

Xiao Bai "I was robbed."

Yamamoto "Oh? Then what were you robbed of? "

Xiao Bai "My homework last night ..."

7. Xiao Bai has been fascinated with selling lottery tickets recently. One day, Yamamoto told his story in the "History of the Soul World" class: "When I was young, I participated in the' War against Virtual Reality', and I was honored ..."

Xiao Bai suddenly interrupted him and asked, "Is it a sports lottery or a lottery?"

Yamamoto Satsumi, dressed in white, said discontentedly, "What sports lottery tickets, lottery tickets, legs?"

Xiao Bai said, "I see, that's a football lottery!" " "

Yamamoto is even more annoyed: "This is not a lottery ticket, it is a bullet in the leg! ! "

Xiaobai asked, "How many bets did you win?"

DOG: "Teacher Yamamoto invited me to his birthday party."

Xiaobai: "Then don't go. Last year, after he lit all the candles on the birthday cake (one is one year old), half of them were baked out ... "

9. Yamamoto gave the students an assignment: "What is laziness?"

The next day, when he corrected Xiaobai's homework, he found that the first page was empty and the second page was empty. When he saw the third page, he saw a small line: this is called laziness.

10, Xiao Bai's height problem has been bothering everyone. Luan Ju proposed to drink a bottle of milk every day. Sure enough, two days later, Xiaobai suddenly grew taller 15cm, and Luan Ju was very happy. Xiaobai proudly said to her: "This is all thanks to the milk of these two days." Then he lifted his trouser legs, and Xiao Bai was stepping on two milk bottles.

1 1. On Monday morning, students from Zhenyang Mental Hospital came into the classroom excitedly. The task given to them by the teacher is to sell something on weekends and then talk about sales efficiency.

Momo spoke first. She said, "I sell cookies and earn 30 yuan." I sell by attracting customers' civic spirit, which is my way to success. " The teacher commented, "Very good."

Lucia went on to say. She said, "I made 45 Mingbi by selling magazines. I explained to people that magazines can keep them abreast of current events. " The teacher said, "Good."

Finally, it's Xiao Bai's turn. He stepped onto the platform, poured out a box full of cash and said, "2467 yuan."

The teacher exclaimed, "2467 Mingbi! What exactly did you sell? "

Xiaobai replied, "Toothbrush."

The teacher asked, "Toothbrush? How do you make so much money selling toothbrushes? "

Xiaobai proudly explained: I set up a food stall in the most lively place of Liuhun Street, so that pedestrians can taste food for free. Anyone who has tasted it will say that it tastes like feces. I told him it was feces. Then I asked, do you want to buy a toothbrush? "

12, to Yin borrow money to spend, but Yin refused. Mysteriously said to Yin: "If you lend me money, I will tell you what those little perverts in my team said to Luanju!"

Hearing this, Yin immediately took out his money and handed it to him. He also asked anxiously, "Now that all the money is given to you, please tell me what they said." ! "

Xiao Bai replied, "Oh! They said-good morning, Captain Matsumoto! "

13, Fansi vision training. Captain Mao Zhihua asked Hua Taro to count the number of six teams assigned by Yamamoto to the distant wilderness for mining work. Liu Fan is far away, and those players just look smaller. But Hua Taro replied without hesitation: "Sixteen players and captain deadwood."

Mao Zhihua: "Exactly, but how do you know that rotten wood is among these people?"

Hua Taro: "Because only he doesn't work."

14, a corner: "I really don't like men, women and men who cut your hair!"

Do it: "But you didn't ask my advice when you were bald, did you?"

15, [a team] the new year is here. Yamamoto intends to express his condolences to the 13th Team at the end of the year, so he went to the 13th Team's farm first. Yamamoto visited there for a long time and took a photo at the best pig farm on the farm.

The next day, Yamamoto found that his photo appeared in the legal newspaper of the soul world, and he couldn't help but be proud. He looked at himself standing among a group of pigs in the photo. Suddenly, he found a small line under the photo: "The third from the left is Liu Yuanzhai, the captain of Yamamoto Shiguo."

16, [Liu Fan team] Bai felt that Ji Lian's combat capability must be improved, so he was specially called out for training. Bai Zi first said, "Death mostly fights in the air, so it is very important to judge the wind direction. Do you know how to judge? "

Love time shook his head. Bai Zi went on to say, "You see, for example, picking up something around you and throwing it out, the direction it floats is the wind direction." He turned to Jill. "Come and try."

Love time immediately picked up a brick and threw it out: "Report to the captain, now everything is blown up!" " "

17 [Team 7] Xiancun said to the shooting range, "The living conditions of our team need to be improved."

The shooting range nodded: "Captain, I'll do it."

The next day, Xiancun found the latest dog food on his desk.

18, [Fan Shi] 13 will hold a heavyweight death contest. Xiao Bai was very excited to attend, and Luan Ju advised, "You'd better not go, those are heavyweights ..." Xiao Bai ran out confidently without waiting for her to finish. "So what? ! "

Arriving at the registration place, Xiao Bai saw a huge weight tester, which said, "Please stand up for the next contestant." Xiaobai stood up at this moment. Unexpectedly, the machine was silent for a while, and then said, "Please stand up for the next player."

Xiao Bai got angry and stamped his foot. The machine hesitated for a moment, then said, "This player, please stand on your feet!" " "

19, Bai started instant training in the team to improve the fighting capacity of Liu Fan team.

One day, Yamamoto found Bai Zi and said, "As a captain, you should take good care of your team members! During this time, the fruits of my farm are always stolen by them! " Bai Zai said calmly, "What makes you sure it's the Sixth Team?" Yamamoto said angrily, "As soon as I let the dogs go, they all ran away in an instant!" " "

20. One day, Bai Zi met Chunshui who was driven out of the pub because he had no money in the street. He said contemptuously to the churning spring, "Do you know who is the worst person in the world? It is a person who has no money and is still alive. " Chunshui also replied drunkenly: "Do you know ... who ... suffered the most? Is ... dead but haven't spent all the money ... "

2 1, Aizen assigned the task to Yin, and Yin pleaded, "I can't see anything too far away."

"Come with me," Aizen took the silver and went outside, pointing to the sun in the sky. "What do you think that is?"

Silver: "The sun."

Aizen: "Then how far do you want to see!" " "

Nie had a whim and stood in front of the mirror and studied it carefully. He found his face ugly and couldn't help crying.

Bai Zi, who has been observing for a long time, said, "If you look in the mirror once in a while, you will feel sad. What if I look at you every day? "

23. Ichigo and Lulu are walking in the elf pavilion, just passing a restaurant. Lulu exclaimed, "Oh! How fragrant! " Ichigo asked, "Do you like it?" Lulu nodded affectionately. Ichigo said, "OK, let's walk in front of the hotel again."

24. Love time finally came to visit Bai Zai's house and accidentally broke a vase on the way. Bai Zi said coldly, "That's an antique!" "After listening, I breathed a sigh of relief:" Thank God, this is not new! " "

25. In order to show concern for the young god of death, the old man Yamamoto suddenly walked into the grass-roots canteen of Zhenyang Lingshu Institute. In the canteen, he saw spring water and floating bamboo standing in front of a big soup pot and said, "Let me taste this soup!" "

"But ..." Spring water said.

Yamamoto: "But what? Give me the spoon "... then he took a long drink and cursed angrily:" Shit! How could you give this to the dead! ! ! This is just like brushing pot water! "

Chunshui: "I want to tell you ... but you have tasted it ..."

26, the soul issued a reward order: catch a broken face, you can get 50 million yuan! There were two interns, so I started looking everywhere. After several days of hard work, they were exhausted and fell asleep on the ground. When one of them woke up, he found them surrounded by more than 500 broken faces. He quickly woke up the other one and said, "Get up, we are rich!" " "

27. The old man Yamamoto asked each captain, "Captain Rifangu, please tell me, what is the boundary of corpse marriage?"

"The world of corpse marriage is my mother!" Day every ancient replied cheerfully.

"Yes, you answered very well. The spirit world is your mother and you should love her. " Yamamoto said with satisfaction.

"kira yamato, what do you say? What is the spiritual world? " He asked.

"The spirit world is the mother of Captain Rivangu!"

28. At the speech ceremony of the reconstruction of Jingling Pavilion, a royal family made a thought report: "... I am the son of the people in the spiritual world."

Suddenly someone said, "I belong to the soul world."

29. When Dong Xiangang became the captain, he admired those people who had good eloquence, but he couldn't tell jokes, so he went to a speech class.

One day, the teacher finished speaking and finally said, "My best time was spent in the arms of a woman, but this woman is not my wife!" " "Everyone was shocked.

Then the man said, "She is my mother!" "Everyone smiled and applauded warmly.

Dong Xian is envious, so she also wants to try this interesting word. On this day, he went to the front of the line and tried to use this humor again. Suddenly, he found that he couldn't remember, but he still said loudly, "My best time was spent in a woman's arms, but she was not my wife!" " The players were stunned.

Dong Xian was very embarrassed. She was silent for almost ten seconds, trying to remember, but finally she couldn't figure it out and had to give up: "... I really can't remember who she is!" "

30. I stayed for 8,000 days looking for Xiao Jian, but I found that he had disappeared, so he called Madarame Ikkaku to look for him. Everywhere he went, he poked a corner with a knife and asked him where he was. I'm tired of being asked a corner. In another place, he poked at another corner and asked, "What is this place?" A corner said angrily, "This is the donkey!" " "

3 1. kira yamato, who has just entered Zhenyang Psychiatric Surgery Hospital, is very insecure. To encourage him, the teacher asked, "If one day, when you wake up in the morning, you find yourself the most famous person in the world, what is your first reaction?" Kira yamato said without thinking, "I'll see if I'm the only one left in the world."

32. Wanderer: "Dad, I did a good thing when the patient came today."

One heart: "What good thing?"

Wanderer: "Li Xia accidentally put the thumbtack on the patient's chair."

One heart: "How did you do it?"

Wanderer: "I'm waiting by." As soon as the patient sat down, I quickly pulled the chair out from under his ass. "

33.Love took the new players in the team for the first virtual elimination. The new player went down to the virtual chop and made five consecutive mistakes. Love Times roared: "Idiot! Look at me! " Even after five beheadings, Xu still didn't disappear. Lian turned around and said, "See? That's what you just did! ! "

34. Aizen: "Captain Rivangu, sometimes a stupid person will ask a question that a smart person can't answer. Think about it, why is this? "

Zivangu: "Captain Aizen, I can't answer your question."

35. During the Spring Festival in the spiritual world, everyone lights firecrackers to play. Suddenly a treasure lit Bai Zi's hair, and Bai Zi was furious: "What do you want?" Ichigo apologized: "I'm sorry, I used your star hoop as a firecracker." You see those letters whose hair looks like firecrackers ... "

36. Ichigo and Lucia like to watch the eight o'clock series together. Whenever they see a romantic and touching place, Ichigo releases his thousand cherry blossoms to create an atmosphere. One day, Ichigo was watching TV when he suddenly shouted, "Sakura, cabbage!" " Lucia quickly corrected: "Wrong, it's' cabbage, cherry blossoms!'" "

37. Lucia was shut up in the confessional palace and did nothing all day, which was quite boring.

One day, she found that an ant could understand him, so she began to train it. Two weeks later, the ant could not only stand upside down, but also somersault, which made her quite proud.

Lulu was finally escorted out. The first thing she did was say, "Look at this ant ..."

Ichigo immediately shot it: "This prison is really dirty, full of bugs!" "

One day, the old man Yamamoto asked a difficult question in class, and he didn't even dare to answer it. The old man said, "Nobody answered. I'll call the roll. Kira yamato, you answer! " Kira yamato can't do it at all. He sat quietly. Old man Yamamoto: "kira yamato, kira yamato didn't come?" Kira yamato had a brainwave and replied, "He didn't come!"

Yamamoto looked at kira yamato: "Who are you? How do you know that kira yamato didn't come? "

"I'm his roommate."

"How dare kira yamato miss class? Go back and let him come to my office this afternoon. "

"Yes, yes." Kira yamato panicked.

"Since he didn't come, you can answer this question!"

Kira yamato: "I ... I won't."

Yamamoto: "I can't do such a simple question." Come and see me with kira yamato this afternoon! " "

Jill: I'm going to save Lucia!

Bai Zi: No! I won't say the same thing twice!

Jill: I repeat, I'm going to save Lucia!

Bai Zi: I won't say the same thing twice!

Love time: You said this sentence twice!

Bai zai:-_-||| ... except this sentence!

40. Lucia: "Brother Bai, long time no see. You don't seem to have changed at all! "

Bai Zi: "My temper is good."

Lucia: "Are you in a good mood now?"

Bai Zi glanced at her sideways, and she quickly changed her mouth: "Did you have a bad temper before?"

4 1, a few hours after the tourist disaster invaded, Chief Yamamoto called all the captains and said, "Now it's time for us to strictly defend the two places!"

Bai Zi: "Which two places?"

Yamamoto: "Everyone will go to the canteen and toilet!" " "

42. Li Xia is reciting English words. Suddenly, a patient who was seriously injured in a car accident was brought in from the hospital. His family said anxiously, "What did the doctor say?"

Li Xia: "Doctor!"

43. There are ten new medical staff in the Fansi team. Captain Mao Zhihua took them to practice and went in to see him when he passed Xiaozhu's ward.

Floating bamboo was scared silly when he saw so many people around his bed. He pulled Maohuahua's skirt and asked, "Captain Maohuahua, am I going to die?"

44. Dong Xian should be an honest man and won't lie. Lies will always be exposed. So he went to Aizen, who was good at lying, and said, "Teach me to lie!" Aizen said, "All right!" So I taught him some common sense of lying. After that, he made Dong Xian tell a lie. Dong Xian thought for a long time and said mysteriously, "Oh, tell you-I am dumb!" "

45. When I saw Bai Zi wearing a pair of crocodile shoes, I was very envious. When asked, it was very expensive, so I decided to hunt a crocodile myself. He found a swamp, jumped into the water and struggled with a crocodile for a long time. Finally, he dragged the crocodile ashore, but lamented, "What a waste of time, and this crocodile has no shoes to wear."

46. I fell in love with a long bamboo pole in the middle of the night, ran into the yard, waved and hit the night sky, and made a fuss. Wake up in the middle of the night: "What the hell are you doing?" Love time: "Captain, I want the moon in the sky, but no matter how I wave it, I can't beat it ..." A freewheeling white boy scolded: "You idiot, you don't know such a simple question. It's unforgivable stupidity. How can you fight in a place like that? You won't climb to the roof. "

47. Love always screws things up, so Bai Zai asked Love angrily, "Do you know how the pig died?"

Love Times said, "I don't know. . . "

Bai Zi was very angry and said to him, "What a fool!" " Just like you! "

Once, Bai Zi made a mistake carelessly, and Ji Lian wanted to get revenge, so he asked Bai Zi, "Do you know how the pig died?"

Bai Zi answered him coldly: "How should I know if you are not dead!" "

48. Bai Zai and Ji Lian are fishing by the river. White boy dropped several fish in an hour and a half. After reading it for the second time, I tried a dozen kinds of fish food in a hurry, but the fish just didn't bite. Finally, he took a dollar out of his pocket and threw it into the water. He said angrily to the fish, "buy whatever you want!" ! "

49. A swimming pool will be built in the spirit world. Yamamoto Nozomi was able to sponsor: "Kuchiki Byakuya, you are a noble and so rich. A scarf can build ten houses. You should always sponsor some! " Bai zai: "yes, I have been looking forward to this swimming pool for many years." I will try my best. " Captain Yamamoto, wait. "Say that finish and went into the house. After a while, Bai Zi took out a bucket of water and said to Yamamoto, "Come if the captain is not enough. "

50. Bai rested on the bench of Liu Fan team. Love time has been standing straight beside him, staring at him. Bai Zi was puzzled by Ji Lian's action and asked, "Why do you always stand here?" Love said, "the handyman's death has just painted this bench." I just want to see what you look like when you stand up. "

565438+ The waiter replied: "Yes!" "He really bores me to death!" She complained. "Can't you? Captain deadwood didn't even look at you? " "Because of this, my heart is bored to death! ! "

52. deadwood's vault was robbed. No sooner had the robber hidden the money than the sixth team caught him. because

The robbers came from the 78th district of Six Soul Street. He can only speak the dialect of Area 78, but Bai Zi can't understand it, so he has to ask Lieji to be an interpreter.

After a period of fatigue bombing, the robbers insisted on not saying where the money was hidden. Deadwood angrily called Ji Lian and said to the robber, "If you don't talk, I'll cut him into pieces with thousands of cherry blossoms!" " "Love time faithfully conveys the meaning of white zai. Probably the translation was so good that the robber was so scared that he was incoherent: "The money is in the well in the middle of Jingling Courtyard. Please ask the captain to spare my life. "

Love time turned his head and told Bai zai with a dignified expression: "This boy has balls and would rather die than confess." He told you to kill him. "

53. Bai Zi asked angrily, "Ah Sanjing, you are three hours late. Why? "

"Please forgive me, Captain Deadwood, something bad has happened to me!" Love story.

"What bad luck?"

"I fell to the ground from the windowsill of my room."

"What floor do you live on?"

"The third floor."

"What? The third floor? " White zai growled, "does this make sense? Does it take so long to fall from the third floor? "