Ask a few funny jokes, thank you, without yellow ones.

1. Some people play cards every day and don't go home until midnight.

Once, his wife said to him bitterly, "I warn you, if you do this again, I will take that man home to sleep!" " "

"Whatever you are! But I also warn you not to take my card friend away. "

The wife suspected that her husband was having an affair, so she invited a private detective to follow her. The detective finally discovered the truth. He reported to her, "Your husband went to the beauty salon, fashion shop and ballroom this afternoon."

"He must have misbehaved …" she said.

"no! He is following you. " He replied.

One day, little Lise saw a short man staring at a hedgehog curled up on the side of the road in a daze.

"What are you studying?" The little god asked curiously.

"I am thinking that if the hedgehog gene is transferred to me, my wife will not dare to bully me in the future." The man said with a face of helplessness.

In a village, when they heard that a mountain thief was coming, the villagers hid all the young women in the cellar. A young woman was shivering, looking around, and suddenly she found an old lady in her sixties and seventies.

So she said to the old lady, "old lady, you don't have to hide here!" " "The old lady replied angrily," how do you talk? There are old people among mountain thieves! "

The wife brought back a dog, and she decided to give it the same name as her husband. Faced with the notoriously fierce wife, the husband dared to be angry but didn't dare to speak, so he had to be passive with Nuo Nuo and said to Nuo Nuo, "Dear, can you think about it? It's not good for you to let this puppy have the same name as me, and you will often make mistakes in the future ... "

The fierce wife said, "No, you just need to pay attention to my tone. When I call a dog, my voice will be very gentle. "

6. Wife: Honey, do you remember last December when you said that you and Lao Wang went fishing for carp?

Husband: Of course I remember ... Why?

Wife: A carp called at noon today and said you were a father.

7. On the morning of New Year's Day, the wife suggested to her husband, "Starting today, the New Year must have a new atmosphere and respect each other. I will get rid of the bad habit of swearing, and you will get rid of the habit of hitting people easily, okay? "

The husband said yes again and again, and finally added: "From now on, if you curse again, I will beat you flat!" " "

The wife roared: "You are a fairy, I think you fucking dare!" " "

At the dance, a lady kept staring at a man not far from her.

The man felt a little embarrassed and decided to ask. He asked her politely if they had met somewhere before.

"We have never met." She also replied politely, "But you look like my third husband."

"Have you ever been married three times?" He asked:

"no! I have only been married twice. " She answered.

9. A man has a first wife and a second wife. At the age of 60, my hair has turned a lot gray, and I let my first wife and my second wife pull it out every day. But the first wife hated his little white hair and was afraid that the second wife would touch the old man to death, so she deliberately pulled out all the black hair;

The little wife wanted him to look younger, so she pulled out all her white hair. Within a month, the man was bald.

10. Wang became the general manager of the company by his wife's nepotism. One day, he and his wife went to visit a construction site. Suddenly, a worker wearing a helmet greeted him and jokingly said to his wife, "Mrs. General Manager, do you still remember me?" We used to date a lot! "

After returning home, Wang teased his wife and said, "Marrying me was a blessing in your last life! Otherwise, you are already the wife of a construction worker, not the wife of the general manager. "

The wife replied: "Husband! Don't flatter yourself. If I hadn't married you, he would have become the general manager of this company. "

1 1. One day, a man came home and found his wife and another man hugging in bed. He flew into a rage, picked up a pistol from one place and killed his wife. Then he ran to the nearby police station and surrendered himself.

During the trial, the judge asked him, "Why didn't you kill her lover and kill your wife?"

"I killed her, but she was alone." The man explained, "If I don't kill her, I'm afraid I'll kill many others from time to time."

12. A white couple got married for many years and finally had a child. But at birth, the child's skin turned out to be black.

The husband blamed his wife and said, "It's all your fault. Turn off the lights every time you sleep. "

13. A beautiful young girl married an old man, and everyone felt sorry for her.

A friend asked her, "Why did you marry a bad old man who was dying?"

She asked with a smile, "If someone gives you a check of more than one million yuan, can you not care about its cash date?"

14. A pair of boys and girls are talking.

Boy: What will happen to you if I lean on you tightly?

Girl: I will resist!

Boy: What would you do if I put my hand on your waist?

Girl: Of course I will resist!

Boy: What would you do if I wanted to kiss you?

Girl: Of course ... I will fight again!

Boy: If I ...

Girl: Are you finished? Don't you understand that a woman's strength is limited after all?

15. A policeman was patrolling at night and found a drunk crying against a telephone pole. He felt very strange and asked, "What's the matter, sir?"

The drunk cried and said, "Oh! Who are you ... please just in time ... please do something for me ... because my urine ... keeps flowing ... "

The police then took a look. It was found that the tap water next to the telephone pole was not turned on normally.