Collection of humorous jokes between couples

Humor is a safe and non-threatening way to express inner conflicts. Below I have collected some humorous jokes between couples for you, come and have a look with me.

A selection of humorous jokes between husband and wife

1 Wife: "What are your views on sex?" Husband: "I don't have any views, but there are many ways to do it."

2 One day, a classmate’s girlfriend came to the dormitory to look for him. When he was temporarily away from work, his girlfriend sat on his bed and waited for him. Since she was sitting there with nothing to do, she looked around. I saw a handwritten calligraphy couplet hanging above the bed: The garden is full of flowers in full bloom, and one person can enjoy the endless joy alone. The woman thought to herself: "I didn't expect that he could also do calligraphy and like to appreciate flowers." She was secretly happy in her heart, and her eyes moved up unconsciously, but her face suddenly turned pale. I saw Hengpi: Long live the harem!

3 I introduced my boyfriend to my best friend, and we made an appointment at the subway station. My best friend and I went together to meet my boyfriend. In order to make my best friend feel that I was with He was very close. I wanted to rush over and give him a hug, but my foot slipped and I fell forward. I hugged my boyfriend’s thigh in panic. Then tragedy happened. My boyfriend was short-sighted and didn’t recognize me at the time. Forget it, he He actually shook his legs and backed away while saying: No money, no money, go away!

4 Xiao Zhang had just been promoted to the vice president of the hotel and was very excited. When he came home late at night and entered the room in the dark, he still He shouted excitedly: "I am the deputy general manager!" At this time, his wife said on the bed: "Go to bed, your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."

5 On the train, a man and a woman met by chance. , but the problem is that they live in the same sleeper car. Of course it was awkward at first, but soon, fatigue made them fall asleep respectively. The man slept on the upper bunk and the woman slept on the lower bunk. In the middle of the night, the man woke up and woke up the woman sleeping on the lower bunk: "I'm sorry, but I'm freezing to death up there. Could you please pass me another blanket?" The woman looked at the man with eyes. During the activity, he said to the man: "I have a better idea. How about we pretend to be husband and wife?" The man was stunned for a moment, but then agreed: "Okay, great, I really didn't expect it! He was obviously a little excited and overwhelmed, "So what should we do now?"...

6 The husband and wife are at odds, each sleeps alone, does not talk to each other, and writes notes when something happens. One day, the husband left a note for his wife, saying that I had to go to work and to call me tomorrow. He placed it beside his wife's bed and fell asleep peacefully. The next day, I woke up and saw that it was gone. He was very angry and ran to question his wife. The wife who ran away looked in her room and found that her wife was already gone. I had no choice but to go back to my room and found a note on my pillow, which said that the dead ghost was half dead and still couldn't get up.

7 If your wife asked you to go out and find a job, what would you look for? A new wife. Does your husband love you? Yes, very much! He and I are inseparable, not even going to work. Does your wife object to you smoking at home? Oh, she objects to me smoking anywhere. She says it costs more for two people to smoke than for one person to smoke. Whenever my wife and I argue, she becomes a historian. You mean, she's hysterical? No, she exposed me and didn't lose even a trivial matter. I am very observant and always send the kids for a walk whenever my wife and I argue. No wonder all your children are in good health! Woman: Doctor, my husband keeps talking in his sleep. ......

8 Sun Wukong used a trick to get into the belly of Princess Iron Fan in order to borrow the banana fan. Look at the following dialogue, Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I am already inside you." Iron Princess Fan: "Come out and get in the way. Uncle, I can't stand it anymore..." Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm coming out soon, please open your mouth." "Princess Iron Fan: "Obstruction" The Bull Demon King heard it outside the door and left a divorce agreement... and left for a foreign country.

9 It was his girlfriend's birthday, and Shuaiguo spent a lot of money to buy it. I bought a QQ number and sent it to my girlfriend. The number means "I love you forever". After I bought it, I couldn't log in and it said the password was wrong. The handsome guy took a closer look and found out that the number was

<. p>10 Wife: “How does the fish-flavored shredded pork taste?” Husband: “It’s average. Wife: "Where are the roasted eggplants?" Husband: "It's okay." Wife: "What about Mapo Tofu?" Husband: "Okay." "Wife: "You can die if you say a nice word?" Husband: "The rice is so hard!"

11 Taking my wife to go hiking... rest in the pavilion on the top of the mountain.

I hugged my daughter-in-law affectionately and forcefully kissed her, but she suddenly said: Brother-in-law, don’t do this! So many people were staring at me at that time. . .

12 Wife: What are your views on sex? Husband: No, there are many ways to do it. Wife: Do you think it’s okay for me to wear a bikini to this beach party? Husband: No! Others will think you got married because of my money. Wife: Husband! Will my hair look ugly? Husband: No. Your ugliness has nothing to do with your hair. Wife: Come and see if I have severed my palm? Husband: No, I’m sure it is. Wife: Why? Husband: Otherwise, why would my life be ruined in your hands? Wife: Boss, a bottle of rice wine, for my husband. Boss: Is one bottle enough? Your husband is famous for his drinking capacity. ......

13 A couple had been married for many years. Suddenly one day, the wife asked her husband: "Do you like my beauty or my cuteness?" The husband replied: "I just I like your humor."

14 The wife bought a lottery ticket and said to her husband: "If I win the lottery, I will buy a dress." The husband asked: "What if you don't win?" The wife said: "Then you can buy it for me!"

15 Husband: I shave in the morning and I feel younger! Wife: Huh! If that's the case, you should shave before going to bed. Wife: Husband, don’t I look like the mother of my child when I wear this dress? Husband: No, I look like a parent. Husband: If I hadn’t made a lot of money, how could I still have this family? Wife: You’re right, if I didn’t have money, I wouldn’t have entered this family.

At 16, I discovered that condoms have such a cute name, called "Ban Elf". . . So. . Get ready to sing! There is an elf on the right side of the left leg and on the left side of the right leg. They are thin and transparent, they are smooth and beautiful. They travel freely through the big black forest, and they are safe and considerate to prevent them from becoming fathers~

Excellent humorous jokes between couples

1 Today, a good friend of mine announced that she is pregnant at a friend’s party. Well, we were so happy, so I blurted out with great excitement, "That's great, I will definitely be a stepmother after the child is born!" Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake, so I quickly changed my words, "No, no, I It means stepmother. "Actually, I want to say godmother.

2 Wife: Your new secretary is pretty! Husband: Yes! Wife: How is her aesthetics? Husband: Very good. Wife: Is she considerate? Husband: That’s okay! Wife: Are you enthusiastic about work? Husband: Just fine! Wife: How about dressing up? Husband: It’s pretty fast...

3 One day, I After having a good dinner, we exercised in the square of the community. There was also a beautiful girl exercising on the spacewalk next to me. I started chatting with her. The conversation was very interesting, and it felt like we had just met each other too late. At this time, a child appeared out of nowhere and kept shouting in the distance from me: "Dad, Daddy!" She and I turned around to look. I said to her: "Whose child is this? He is probably looking for his father!" She said: "Maybe the child has been separated from his family?" We continued chatting. Unexpectedly, the child walked up to me and hugged my thigh tightly. I immediately said to her: "Whose child is this? It's so cute!" At this time, the child's mouth came out again. Out: "Dad, Dad."...

4 I watched a TV series about police solving crimes with my sister, but when the real murderer was about to surface, it disappeared. Then they chatted one after another. mm: "Do you know how to identify the real culprit?" I thought for a while: "Then it depends on the strength of the evidence." mm: "No, no, like me, lying flat, chest collapsed and spread evenly , Just real breasts.”~*^_^*

5 An employee of a company was promoted to a supervisor, and soon a female colleague became pregnant. The junior supervisor had a wife for a long time, and he was afraid that his wife would find out, so he asked his female colleague to abort the child quickly. However, the female colleague was determined to give birth to the child, so she had no choice but to ask her to go back to her hometown in the northwest to give birth. The female colleague said, how should I notify you when the baby is born? The young supervisor said: This is easy. After the baby is born, just send me a postcard and write on it, Shaanxi Ramen. That’s it. From now on, I will send you your living expenses on time. Just after ten months, one afternoon, the young supervisor came home, and his wife handed him a postcard saying it was from Shaanxi. The young supervisor took the postcard calmly. But after he said the above, he immediately foamed at the mouth, convulsed and fainted, and his wife immediately beat him.

In the emergency room, the doctor asked his wife: We checked that your husband did not have a heart disease, but why did his heart suddenly become unbearable and he fainted?...

6 "A buddy of mine had a surgery. My foreskin was damaged. I don’t know why the thread was swollen. I didn’t know where the blood came from. He took a basin and filled it with water. I said, what are you doing? He ignored me. Put the little penis into the water and say: "Come and help me see where it is bubbling."

7 Question: I am also a woman, why is my girlfriend so easy to tease? , the mother-in-law is hard to coax? Answer: Because the mother-in-law has already been fooled once...

8 The photographer asked Xiaodai how many seconds he needed to prepare. Xiaodai obviously stretched out three fingers, why did the photographer still press the button immediately? Pressed the shutter? Because Xiaodai stretched out: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

9 After Beijingers breathed for several days and nights, the air quality in Beijing finally improved. . The new spirit of Beijing was born from this: "Good virtue carries the fog, self-improvement does not absorb it, work hard to create gray and yellow again!" Facts have once again proved: it is expensive to absorb the fog!…

10 Marriage Proposal Notice: If you don’t like makeup, save money on makeup. If you don’t like cheating, save money on shopping. If you don’t like snacks, save money on snacks. If you don’t like riding in a car, save money on buying a car. In addition, I usually like to save money. , the best.

11 I am a twenty-eight-year-old girl with a difficult life and lack of money. Today I went online to seek marriage, hoping to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don’t care if I am fat, as long as I have Money can help me stay with you. If you don't have money, don't contact me.

12 When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. When I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me...

13 Spending money will make you happy. Living in every corner around me, it hurts to pay utility bills, buy daily necessities, even send text messages. The joy of making money hurts, rolling back and forth in my blood. My head hurts when I work overtime, and my body hurts when I am busy with business. , it would be great if the salary was increased!

14 It rains a little bit to make money, but it snows a lot to spend money. There are so many things in front of you, but your pockets are empty. He gritted his teeth, stamped his feet, clutched his wallet and ran away. I wish my friends success in their careers, abundant financial resources, countless money, and my hands cramping from counting the money.

15 Accumulation after accumulation, if you don’t know, you don’t know; the test is perfect, but you don’t know the questions; you don’t know when you go to class, and you make a lot of mistakes; you learn the same knowledge by yourself, but you don’t know it; I am Chinese, but I have a Chinese soul. If you want me to learn English, it is impossible for me to learn English. If I am not qualified in English, it shows my character. If I am not qualified in mathematics, the teacher is fully responsible. If I am not qualified in Chinese, there is nothing I can do. I did well in the exam. , it’s all about isolation; I can’t do well in exams, I can’t do anything in isolation; I’m even more worried when I go back to school every day, and the teacher’s lectures make no sense; I feel like I’m sleepwalking, and I’m criticized again and again for no reason; I have so much homework that it feels like revenge, When you go back to school, you are like a loser; when you go back to school, you are a loser, and you are criticized every day; when you go back to school, you have to copy all your homework, and you will not hand it in after the first one; when you go back to school, you wait until school is over, and drink Coca-Cola after school; when you ring the clock, everyone flies away, just like that, day after day. .

16 I really want to be a boss, and there is no shortage of money in my hands; my salary is paid daily and monthly, and I can change the method if I want; my wife snatches most of the salary before it is warm; after paying the water, electricity and house mortgage, the balance is It’s only a handful; so tighten your belt and see you next month’s salary!

Classic humorous jokes between husband and wife

1 I don’t intend to be different, but I have outstanding taste.

2 Kong Linghui has worked hard to take care of his family for more than ten years.

3 It’s noon on working days and it’s really hard to make money. Who knows that the money in the bag is not enough to make ends meet every month. Break it into two petals, and it will still be tight at the end of the month. He quickly asked the God of Wealth to offer incense, candles, melons and fruits at home. I wish my friends to be protected by the God of Wealth all year round, to spend money without having to worry about making money, and to make money without having to worry about having nowhere to spend it!

4 Girl: I don’t have feelings for you. Me: OK, you can go. Woman: How did you speak? Me: I like direct people. If you tell me directly how you feel, then I will also tell you directly how I feel. Woman: You are so stingy. Me: This is called a frank exchange of views between the host and the guest.

5 When asked what is love in the world? The sage replied: "Trash!"

6 The really scary thing is not playing the harp to a cow, but a group of cows playing the harp to you.

7 I have been thinking about you recently, so I have to work hard to bless you. I wish you to be charming, work hard, be courageous in doing things, and make a lot of money and profits. I wish you a beautiful love and a smooth life.

Work hard towards happiness, and wish you always be in a bright mood!

8 Eat it cold on Monday, braised on Tuesday, steamed on Wednesday, fried on Thursday, stir-fried on Friday, with happy seasonings and leisurely wine. I will prepare a blessing meal for you on this weekend. May you enjoy it happily.

9 People have to live their lives no matter what. Don’t be too cold in winter, don’t be too hot in summer, don’t pretend to be poor if you have money, don’t show off if you don’t have money. Instead of frowning, it’s better to have fun secretly. Friends are always remembered, and life will be full of joy!

10 Why did Guan Yu die earlier than Zhang Fei? Answer: Beauty is destined to die...

11 The mouse fell in love with the cat, singing: I I love you, I love you, just like a mouse loves rice. No matter how many winds and rains there are, I will still be with you. Cat: Don’t be pretentious. My mother said that falling in love without the purpose of getting married is just a hooligan!

12 Your lover should be as gentle as water and as sweet as honey, and your colleague should be someone who works hard and has no temper. Yes, my friend wants to choose someone with a pig head and a dog brain and a runny nose, so, my dear, wipe your nose quickly during the Chinese New Year and celebrate the New Year cleanly!

13 Napoleon: Can’t find it in my dictionary The three words "missed".

14 Eat watermelon to reduce heat and refresh your skin, cucumber for beauty, winter melon for bowel cleansing and diuresis, and the most delicious cantaloupe. You are the same family as them, why are you hiding underground? It turns out you are a sweet potato.

15 In order to spend money, you fall in love with making money. Because making money is hard, you dare not spend money. My friend, I know your difficulties, and I would like to wish you a prosperous business and a successful career. Congratulations on getting rich!

16 My marriage proposal does not require any conditions, only the date of the date: not on a single day, not on double days; It doesn't work on sunny days, it doesn't rain, it doesn't work on cloudy days; it doesn't work on working days, it doesn't work on holidays; it doesn't work on the first day of the lunar month, it doesn't work on the 15th day of the lunar month; it doesn't work in spring and autumn, it doesn't work in winter and summer; when will we meet, haha, do you understand?

< p>17 Xiao Ling thought: This is easy to handle, just open another hole and let the water flow out. So, he used scissors to make another hole in the sole of the boot. If the water in the rain boots accumulates more and more.

18 The child came to his mother crying. The mother asked: What’s wrong, baby? Child: Dad accidentally hit his finger with a hammer. Mom: Then why are you crying? Child: Because I just laughed.

19 Cherish life--If God still lets you live, there must be His arrangements.

20 When I miss you, I don’t dare to call you, for fear of hearing your voice; the sad thing is that I always miss you, but I can’t always stop calling. So, I excitedly picked up my cell phone and dialed you, hello? Why isn’t it you? I’m dizzy! It turns out my cell phone is in arrears!

21 Once, when the bus was about to leave, a person disappeared The woman with heavy makeup was chasing after me, Master, Master, don’t go, wait for me. Then the bus driver suddenly said, I am in a hurry to reincarnate. The female demon quickly got out of the way, don’t miss the way home. What a good time! Then he drove the car and ran forward in a hurry!