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English jokes with translation (website)
Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
I didn't fall asleep
When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats were occupied. The conductor noticed that a man seemed to be asleep. He was worried that the man would pass the station, so he touched him gently with his elbow and said: "Sir, wake up!"
" I'm not asleep," the man replied.
“Not asleep? But your eyes are closed?”
“I know, I just don’t want to see a lady standing next to me in a crowded car. That's all."
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
Poor husband
“You can’t even imagine being with my wife "It's so hard to deal with," one man complained to his friend, "that she asked me a question, answered it herself, and then spent half an hour explaining to me why my answer was wrong. "Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
Where is the father?
The brothers were looking at some beautiful oil paintings.
"Look," said the brother. "How beautiful these paintings are! "
"Yes," said the younger brother, "but in all these paintings, there are only mothers and children. So where did dad go? "
My brother thought for a while, and then explained: "Obviously, he was painting these paintings at the time.
"
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb , but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
Do dogs also know this proverb?
A little boy disliked the way the dog barked.
< p>"It doesn't matter," one gentleman said, "Don't be afraid. Do you know this proverb: 'A barking dog never bites.' ’”“Ah, I know, but do dogs also know? ”
Can we have our teacher back?
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a small boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
Can our teachers go back?
Once, an inspector went to inspect a school with only three classrooms. One of the classrooms was very noisy, so the inspector caught one of them standing and talking. They took him into another classroom and asked him to stand in the corner. Five minutes later, a little boy walked in from the first classroom and asked, "When will you let our teacher go back?" ”
二Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
Who is more polite?
A fat man? I was arguing with a thin man about who was more polite. The thin man said he was more polite because he often raised his hat to ladies, but the fat man thought he was more graceful because whenever he gave up his seat to others in the car, there were always two. A lady can sit down.
三Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
Expensive price
Dentist: Sorry, ma'am, I have to charge twenty-five dollars to pull your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I know you only need five dollars to extract a tooth?
Dentist: Yes. But your son screamed so loudly that he scared away four patients
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