Black humor and cold jokes

Black Humor and Cold Jokes (Selected 15)

The expression of jokes is humor. In life, we often laugh, and jokes are a way to make us laugh. Jokes are the crystallization of human wisdom, and they often appear around us inadvertently and wonderfully. Below is a collection of dark humorous jokes that I have compiled.

Black Humor and Cold Jokes Part 1

A sow gave birth to a litter of piglets, all of which were strong, fat, cute and cute. The husband calculated that he would be able to take the piglets to the market to sell them soon, which would be a huge income, and he couldn't help but feel happy in his heart.

One day, the husband came home from an outing and found that a piglet was missing, so he asked his wife why. The wife replied: Let the wolf take it away. He was very angry. A few days later, when I came back from outside, I found that another one was missing. My wife said that a wolf had taken it away again.

So the husband stayed at home every day, and sure enough, the wolf never came for several days.

On this day, the husband had to go out for something urgent, so he asked his wife to take good care of her. When I arrived at the entrance of the village, I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to take something, so I turned back home. As soon as I walked in, I saw my wife busy in the kitchen, her face covered with soot. It turned out that the piglets in the pot were about to be cooked. The husband was so angry that he beat his wife.

The wife was still crying. The husband stepped forward and opened the lid of the pot. He only smelled the aroma of pork. After tasting it, he couldn’t help nodding and praising: It smells so good! It’s delicious! When the wife saw this, she burst into tears immediately. Xiao Xiao quickly said: "I haven't put in the ginger yet. It will be more fragrant and delicious after adding it!" Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 2

During the Warring States Period, there was a popular culture of "nurturing scholars", and the power was People like to recruit all kinds of talents, keep them at home, and serve them at any time. These people who seek refuge with the powerful are called "clients".

At that time, Lu Buwei, the prime minister of Qinyuan (official name, equivalent to the later prime minister), also had three thousand followers. Among so many customers, there are people from all walks of life and all kinds of experiences. In order to improve his reputation, Lu Buwei asked them to collect public opinions and compile a thick book titled "Lu's Spring and Autumn Annals". In this book. Astronomy, geography, customs, ancient and modern times and the management of chaos are all covered.

After writing, Lu Buwei ordered the book to be hung on the city gate of Xianyang, the capital, and announced at the same time: Whoever can add or subtract one word from this book will be rewarded with a thousand gold coins by the Prime Minister.

A few days have passed, and no one has pointed out the shortcomings of this book.

Is "Lü's Spring and Autumn" really so perfect that not even a single word can be added or deleted? No, it's just that because Lu Buwei was a powerful prime minister at the time, this book was his intention to flaunt himself. It's written in the name of "Lu", so people don't dare to raise their opinions.

Enlightenment

Later generations used this idiom to describe the exquisiteness of historical rhetoric, the value of the article is very high, and every word is quite weighty. In direct selling training courses, instructors should pay attention to careful preparation and strive to express concisely and accurately, in order to achieve the best results. Black Humor and Cold Jokes Part 3

Mr. Li's hair has been falling out recently, and he is very distressed.

Hearing that there was a doctor specializing in hair loss in a nearby city, Mr. Li immediately rushed to seek medical treatment

The doctor cooperated and gave Mr. Li several bottles of "special effect hair growth lotion" and told him He sends a hair every week so he can check it.

For three consecutive weeks, Mr. Li sent a hair.

Letters from doctors all said the curative effect was very good.

On the fourth week, Mr. Li did not send the hair.

The doctor only received a letter, which said, "Russia has no hair to send." Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 4

A buddy was really bored one day. , so he joked with his girlfriend.

Said: A man sent a message to Russia, saying that he was your husband.

His girlfriend blurted out: How is it possible, he doesn’t know your number... Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 5

Xiao Ming knelt down in order to borrow an electric toy from his classmate Ask for classmates.

When Xiao Ming’s mother saw this, she immediately pulled Xiao Ming up and said: How can a man kneel down for others for a toy?

It doesn’t matter. Xiao Ming smiled and said: Anyway, he will kneel down and beg me to give it back to him.

Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 6

In a math class, the teacher said to a student: "Why can't you even subtract? For example, there are ten apples in your home.

"You ate four of them, what was the result?"

The student said in frustration: "The result was ten spanks!" Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 7

Part 1 A male teacher said to two noisy female students: "The voices of two women are like the quacks of a thousand ducks." After a while, the teacher's wife came Visit him. One of the female students came to report. "Teacher, there are five hundred ducks outside the door to see you." Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 8

In the fourth class in the morning, Student A was hungry and had no intention of listening to the class. He sat down Dawked in position thinking about beef, bread.

The math teacher noticed that he was distracted and asked him: "What will happen if the decimal point of 1.130 moves one place to the right?"

Student A answered without hesitation: "It will Let’s have lunch!” Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 9

A car crushed a chicken to death while passing through a small village. The driver picked up the unfortunate chicken and said to a little boy who saw what happened: "Is this chicken yours?"

"No, sir, my chicken is not the same as it." Although the color and appearance are the same, they are not so flat. "Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 10" Beibei: "Brother, what movie did you watch yesterday?"

Brother: ""Flying to the Moon", the rocket flies fast and high."

Beibei: "Why does the rocket fly so fast?"

Brother: "You didn't see the rocket When flying, is there a ball of fire on the butt? Whoever has a fire on the butt can't run quickly! "Black Humor and Cold Joke Chapter 11" My father loved hunting, but he always came back empty-handed.

"So lucky, Dad," the naughty little son sighed, "Fortunately we are not in a primitive society now!"

"So what?" the father asked in confusion. .

“Our teacher once said that people in primitive society lived by hunting. If we were all like you, we would have starved to death long ago!” Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 12

< p>This afternoon, I went to learn calligraphy. I encountered a funny thing, and I still have a smile on my face when I think about it.

We study calligraphy on time at 5:00. Every time there are still fifteen minutes before school is over, Teacher Chen will tell us about some students’ bad writing methods and correct them. Every time "First Prize Font" appears on the whiteboard, we burst into laughter.

Today, Teacher Chen used a black marker to write standard words on the whiteboard, and then wrote the same ugly word. Haha! Haha..., our laughter almost knocked over the roof. Teacher Chen always holds blue, black, and red markers in his big hand. Next, Teacher Chen used a red marker to write "日, 目, 曰" vertically, "What do they have in common?" Teacher Chen asked kindly, and the boy sitting on my right looked decent, " The similarities...Oh! NO! Wow! I know!" All eyes quickly focused on him, and he said seriously: "They are all written in red pen." "Wahahaha..." Ours. The laughter suddenly became "sensational". Teacher Chen also laughed.

My deskmate is so funny. Fortunately for him, he figured it out. Even Teacher Chen, who is always serious, laughed. Did you laugh? Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 13

Charlie every year They all clamored for a Christmas tree from his dad, but his dad always said it was too expensive and didn’t want to buy one.

Christmas is here again this year, and Charlie’s dad really had a headache from his noise, so he picked up the ax and went out. After a quarter of an hour, Dad came back carrying a big Christmas tree. Charlie shouted happily, "Dad, you are amazing. It only took you a quarter of an hour to cut down such a big tree!"

Dad patted the back of his head and said, "Silly boy. , How can it be so fast to cut down a tree? I brought it back from the market.

"

Charlie asked: "Don't you think it's too expensive and don't want to buy it?

Dad said: "Didn't you see that I brought an axe?" "

It's early.

Christmas is coming, and the judge happily asked the person on trial: "What bad things have you done?" "

"I did my Christmas shopping a little early this year," the prisoner answered with tears.

"That's not a bad thing," the judge said. "How early was it? "

"Before the store opens," the prisoner replied. Black Humor and Cold Jokes Chapter 14

Let me tell you a joke: Once upon a time, there was a rich man who hired a private school for his son. Sir. The son had learned "one, two, three" but not "four", so he thought he knew everything. The rich man resigned from his job after hearing what his son said.

One day, someone invited the rich man. His son wrote an invitation. His son locked himself in the room and couldn't finish writing it for a long time. The rich man was very puzzled, so he pushed the door into the house and saw his son drawing the rich man one stroke at a time. Asked his son: "What are you doing?" The son said angrily: "This man has a bad surname, but Wan. I have only completed more than 500 paintings from morning to now." ”

The students may not bother to hear such an old joke, but I just want to use this to provoke the teacher’s grand discussion. Everyone knows that the word “ten thousand” does not mean ten thousand Drawing, this is a basic common sense, because a square can never accommodate so many strokes. But which Chinese character has the most strokes? Is there a limit to the number of the same stroke or character component in a Chinese character? Part 15 of Black Humor.

After Columbus discovered America, many people thought that Columbus just happened to see it, and anyone else could do it as long as he had his luck. So, at a grand banquet, a nobleman asked him. He asked: "Mr. Columbus, we all know that America is there, you just happened to go up there first! If we had gone there, we would have discovered it. "Facing the accusation, Columbus remained calm. He had an idea, picked up an egg on the table, and said to everyone: "Gentlemen and ladies, who of you can stand the egg on the table? Who of you can do it? ?" Everyone was eager to try, but failed one by one. Columbus smiled slightly, picked up the egg, knocked it lightly on the table, and left the egg standing there. Columbus then said: "Yes, it's that simple. Discovering America is indeed not difficult, as easy as setting up this egg.

But, everyone, before I set it up, who of you has done it?" Innovation is essentially a welcoming attitude towards new ideas, new angles, and new changes. It also It shows up as a new perspective on problems. Many times, people will say, is this considered innovation? It turns out that I know it too! Innovation is so simple, the key lies in whether you dare to think and whether you are willing to do it;