Are there any funny jokes about ghosts?

1. I used to call, but I didn't press the number like this. I inserted my finger into a perforated disk and dialed it.

Once upon a time ......

Xiaoming's home phone number is 444-4444, and strange calls often come in. .....

One night at midnight 12, the phone rang and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver.

The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is this 444-4444?" Can you call 1 19 for me? I am so miserable! .......」

Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me!" " ! 」

The man said, "I can only call 444-4444, not others." 」

Xiao Ming was scared to death and hung up the phone quickly.

You can only call 444-4444? Is it a ghost? ! !

After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming was afraid to answer it.

But the phone kept ringing ... Xiaoming had to pick it up.

Man: "Excuse me, is this 444-4444? Can you call 1 19 for me? I'm in so much pain, ...............! My finger is stuck in the telephone dial! 」

On a dark night, on the longest ... the most terrible road. ...

The taxi driver drove there. ...

A woman beckoned to get on the bus by the roadside. ...

Well ... it was quiet all the way. ...

Until the woman spoke. ...

She said, "The apple is for you ... It's delicious ..."

The driver thought it was great ... and took it ...

Then I took a bite. ...

The woman asked, "Is it delicious?"

The driver said, "Delicious!"

The woman replied, "I liked apples very much before my death ..."

Wow ...&; * $ # @ ... Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked with fear and turned white. ...

I saw that woman slowly turn her head forward, ....................................................................................................................................................................

Want to know what she said? ………………………………………………

"... but I don't like it after giving birth! …

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path, which is strange to say.

People often have accidents there. Soon a man and a woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot.

One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi and her mother passed by on their way home.

Xiao Zhi suddenly said, "Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole."

Mother took his hand and walked away quickly, saying, "Don't talk nonsense, children!" " "

But it spread quickly,

One day, a reporter came to interview Xiao Zhi and asked him to show him where the accident happened.

Xiao Zhi generously led him there,

The reporter asked: "Where is it?"

Xiao Zhi pointed, and the reporter looked up and saw a sign hanging on the telephone pole.

It says: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

It was already deep at night, and a taxi driver decided to send another passenger home, but there were not many people on the road.

The driver drove aimlessly and found a white shadow shaking in front of him, waving to him. It's unnatural to suddenly have someone on a quiet night. This situation has to remind people of something that people don't want to think of, that is, ghosts!

But in the end, the driver decided to give her a hand. The man got on the bus and said in a sad hoarse voice, "Please go to the crematorium." The driver trembled with excitement. Is she really ... he can't think down, and he dare not think down. He regrets it, but now he must send her to him as soon as possible. The woman's face is comely and pale, and she has nothing to say all the way, which makes people feel creepy. The driver really can't go on. When he was almost where she was going, he made an excuse and stammered, "Miss, I'm sorry. It's hard to turn back ahead. Go by yourself. It is already very close. " The woman nodded and asked, "How much is that?" The driver quickly said, "Forget it, forget it, you are a woman, it is not easy to come here so late, forget it!" " ""How dare you? " "That's it!" The driver insisted.

Women can't help it. "Well, thank you!" Say that finish, opened the door. ...

The driver turned to start the car, but he didn't hear the door closing, so he turned his head. ...

How did that woman disappear so quickly? He looked and sat down, no! There is nothing in the front, back, left and right of the car! Did she just disappear?

The driver's curiosity made him think about it. He got out of the car and came to the open door. "That woman walked so fast, or did she just ..." He was about to collapse, and just left here, a bloody hand patted him on the shoulder. He looked back, and the woman stood in front of him, her face covered with blood, and she spoke.

"master! Next time you stop, please don't stop by the ditch. ...

Chu Yang visited the countryside. When chatting with his relatives, they told him that there are ghosts in the toilet here, but if you don't take things from ghosts, ghosts won't hurt you. May be the cause of acclimatization, at night, Chu Yangxiang's stomach hurts like hell. No way out, Chu Yang had to bite the bullet and go to the toilet on tenterhooks.

Chu Yanggang squatted down and heard the ghost's voice: "Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?" Knowing that ghosts are unacceptable, Chu Yang replied, "I always use newspapers." It seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again, but this time, he was no longer afraid.

Seeing Chu Yang backward, the ghost held out his hand and said, "Youth Daily or Beijing Evening News?" "I always use sports newspapers."

In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time. "Youth Sports or Football Weekly?" Asked the ghost.

"... I ... I just want to pee. "

6. After the Halloween masquerade, two men walked home ... When they passed a cemetery, they wanted to cross it on impulse. When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming. The sound came from somewhere in the dark. They were so scared that they trembled all over, and then they found an old man digging a tombstone with a chisel. One of them said, "My God. Sir, we thought you were a ghost. What are you doing here so late? " The old man scolded: "* * *, they spelled my name wrong! ! "

7. "Please leave me alone, I am an old man, and my meat is sour and not delicious." Zhang Laohan leaned over.

Facing the corner, there was no escape, so the two ghosts had to force them step by step.

"Is it sour?" The male ghost grabbed Zhang Laohan's hand and bit off a piece of meat. Zhang Laohan screamed.

The ghost chewed and chewed, and "pounced" on Zhang Laohan's meat. "Mama of, really sour, so bad, dead old man, you are lucky, get out!"

Zhang Laohan was pardoned. He knocked dozens of heads on the ground. It's better to lose a piece of meat than to die. He was about to leave.

Another female ghost screamed "Stop!"

Male ghost is a bit strange "keep this old thing? Sour and sour, not delicious. "

The female ghost leaned over the male ghost's ear and said, "I want to eat sour."

The male ghost is even stranger. "Why?"

The female ghost poked the male ghost's head with her finger and said shyly

"You are a bad guy, somebody else, somebody else, somebody else is pregnant!"

8. Cell phone rings, which is particularly harsh in this silent night. "Who will call at this time?" Xiaoyan, who just got off the night shift, took out her mobile phone from her satchel.

"Hello, who's calling?" No one answered, and a voice like a chainsaw came from the mobile phone. "Who is it? Talk! " Xiaoyan continued to ask, but no one answered. The sound of the chainsaw remains the same. "Stop talking, I'm hanging up!" Xiaoyan is a little angry.

"There are still 2 days!" There was a terrible roar on the phone! My ears are ringing, and the street lamps are flashing. Xiaoyan took a long time to recover. Then I listened to my mobile phone, and the other party had hung up. When I saw the calling number, didn't "5124444" and "5124444" mean "I want you to hurry"?

Xiaoyan tried to dial and the line was busy. Xiaoyan put away her mobile phone and hurried home.

With yesterday's experience, today's road seems to be gloomy and terrible. It was the same place last night, and the phone rang again. Looking down, "5 124444" is yesterday's number.

Xiaoyan's face began to turn pale and her hands trembled. She answered the phone and whispered.

"Hello ...", or the voice of the chainsaw,

"Hello ..." Xiaoyan was very afraid.

"One more day!" A sudden roar on the phone.

"Ah", Xiaoyan let out a scream and ran home as soon as she threw her mobile phone.

Half a month passed, and Xiaoyan, lying in a hospital bed, saw the morning newspaper broadcast such a news:

"A group of criminal suspects obtained the victim's mobile phone number and home address through the Internet, and then used a public magnetic card phone with the number" 5 124444 "to make a horrible phone call to the victim, forcing the victim to throw away his mobile phone in a panic. Their targets are all young women without exception. According to his account, in this way, they illegally acquired the mobile phone 65438+ within one month.

He is a famous flower thief, and countless good women have been raped and killed by him.

He was born with yin and yang eyes, and he could see a large group of ghosts following him, all women killed by him, but he was not worried at all. Ghosts are nothing anyway. They can scold him and hate him, but they can't hurt him at all. Seeing that these ghosts tried to jam his neck, bite his flesh, pull his intestines and dig his heart, they could only drill through his body in vain, and he smiled happily.

This time he took a fancy to Zhao's eldest daughter again.

Unexpectedly, this time it was a trap designed by the so-called righteous people in the Jianghu. He fled desperately in front, followed by a large group of ghosts, followed by those chivalrous men with high martial arts.

He entered a Confucius temple, which was dedicated to Confucius. There are two rows of clay sculptures made by scholars beside the altar. He rolled a few times on the ground, grabbed a handful of dirt and incense ashes and applied them thickly on his face, then jumped on the altar, kicked down a scholar's clay sculpture and stood there by himself, motionless and holding his breath.

The knights rushed into the temple.

"What about hooligans?"

"I didn't see it."

"It must be hidden somewhere."

"Search for me"

A group of people rummaged through the temple, but no one noticed the clay sculptures of scholars on the altar. The female ghosts who want revenge stomp their feet in front of the chivalrous men and shout desperately, pointing to the flower pickers posing as clay sculptures on the altar.

Flower thief secretly glad, "wow, ha ha, you female the ghost try screaming and dancing. Those idiots have no eyes and ears. Who can see and hear what you are doing on the phone? Hum, when I escaped today, I asked a Taoist priest to take you all in. "

The chivalrous people found nothing in the temple, and the female ghosts seemed at a loss. Seeing that the chivalrous men were leaving, the female ghosts formed a circle and whispered something.

The flower thief is wondering what tricks these female ghosts are going to play. I saw female ghosts floating in front of him and standing in a row, giving him a sweet smile.

"wow".

The female ghosts all took off their clothes.

A young knight-errant shouted, "Master! Look! This mud man has a nosebleed! "

After 10.A died, Hellboy led him to choose a cell. In the first room, a group of men and women were soaked in boiling water, all of them were raw and no one could get in. The second room was not much better. The people in it were separated by the head and feet bitten by wild animals. A refused and went to the third room. A group of people are drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspit. A thought it was acceptable and went in.

After a while, the kid came in and announced, "Please resume your handstand posture after tea time."

1 1.

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They said to god that they all died miserably, hope.

Let them go to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But now there is another name.

Hmm! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost began to say ... I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor!

Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But survival instinct makes me unconsciously confused.

Hold on! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to wait until I get well.

Climb up!

Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! But, I

Life should not be decided. There is a tent under me. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. who

Yes, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ... I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Be in good shape

Great! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. one

I saw my wife with messy hair and disheveled clothes as soon as I entered the door. Must have a husband. So I searched the whole house, kitchen and toilet.

I didn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing, and I thought, * Husband! So he patted his hand.

I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death!

As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the whole house, went into the kitchen and found it.

The refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows how to laugh?

I'm stuck in my heart I laughed to death!

The third ghost said ... I'm a punk, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I met a female friend.

Hanging out at your friend's house! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I also looked for the kitchen and toilet.

Look, I finally found that their refrigerator is quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand. What happened to her husband?

Knowing that I was in the refrigerator, he threw it from 13 floor!

I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

12. A night traveler has nowhere to live. Fortunately, I met a thatched cottage for a long time and opened the door and asked, "Hello?"

A ghost inside said, "Nobody!"

The man nodded and said, "No one is good, I can help myself!" " So I went to bed.