What jokes and riddles should be longer?

1. A gecko met a crocodile at the gate of the securities company. Seeing that the crocodile was about to eat, he immediately ran forward and hugged the crocodile's thigh and said, "Mom, you finally came!" " Hearing this, the crocodile burst into tears: "Son, I didn't expect you to lose weight after half a month of speculation!" " "

2. A person has been sentenced to 12 years, which is quite boring in prison. One day, he found that an ant could understand him, so he began to train it. A few years later, this ant can not only stand upside down, but also somersault, which makes him quite proud. ?

Finally, the first thing he did after he got out of prison was to run to the bar and prepare to show off his magical ants. He first asked the bartender for a glass of beer, then took the ants out of his pocket and put them on the table. He said to the bartender, "Look at this ant.

The bartender came over and killed the ant immediately, and then said to him apologetically, "I'm sorry, I'll get you a new one right away!" " "

3. On a dark night in a month, a vampire bat flew back with blood all over his face. The companion in the cave asked him if he wanted to go.

Where have you been? How can there be so much blood? Tired of being asked, the bat said, "Do you want to know? Then come with me! " Fly, fly, the bat flies in front of a tree. Then the bat asked, "Do you see this tree?" All the companions present replied that they saw it. "But I just didn't see this tree just now!"

4. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" Boss: "Sorry, I still don't have it." "I see. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "The little white rabbit took out the money:" Great, I'll take two! "" " 5.？ There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" ""Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door? Why not go to your house to play? 6. When riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buckle his mouth behind him to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. Here comes the police:

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Policeman A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 7. On a winding country road, there are often some ghost stories because of frequent car accidents. One night, a taxi driver saw a long-haired shawl on the side of the road. The woman in white waved to him. Because the driver had never seen a ghost, she boldly stopped to let her get on the bus. Along the way, although the driver didn't believe in ghosts, he was also Mao Mao in his heart, so he often looked at the woman behind him in the rearview mirror, driving it on, and suddenly the driver found that the woman was gone! The driver got a fright and stepped on a brake! I saw that the woman's face was covered with blood and her expression was ferocious. The driver's teeth trembled with fear. Suddenly the woman said, "Can you drive? I bowed my head to tie my shoelaces, and suddenly you broke my nose by braking ... "8. The priest said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage," This horse can only understand the language of the church. Call it' Thank God' and it will run; It didn't stop until it was called "Praise God." The farmer expressed doubts about this. He tried to shout "Thank God" and the horse ran faster and faster at once. A frightened farmer ran to the edge of the cliff and remembered that the password of "Praise God" had stopped him. Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmers who survived the accident breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God .........."? 9. Patients in hospital intensive care unit always die around 11 o'clock on Sunday, which makes doctors feel confused and even makes them think that this is a supernatural phenomenon, so they set up an expert group to investigate the reasons. On Sunday, the clock just struck 1 1 point. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of seriously ill patients, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . . 10. One day, I was in a hurry to pee, so I ran into the luxurious bathroom of a hotel. Walking into the urinal, I saw the big words above: "Don't wear it out!" " "My heart smile. I'm waiting for quality people and sleeping in a five-star hotel. What scenes have I not seen? When it is done, it is automatic induction and automatic water spraying, and the water volume is huge! When I was soaked to the skin, I suddenly realized, "Damn, a comma will kill me!" " " ? Riddle 1, when a thing is born, it wears more than 300 pieces of clothes. Take off one piece every day and leave a piece of skin at the end of the year. (Make a daily necessities) 2. I am not old, and I have many beards. No matter who I meet, I always call my mother. (Beating animals)? 3, gold hoop barrels, silver hoop barrels, open, hoop is not tight. (Hit an animal)

4, a swimmer, quack quack, when he was young, he had a tail but no feet, and when he was old, he had feet and no tail (beating animals? 5, the skin is black and white, and the stomach is dark. He never steals, insisting that he is a thief. (Hit an animal)

6, named cattle, can not pull the plow, said to be weak, carry the house. Beating animals? 7, born in the mountains, the same color, came to the world, there are green and red. Guess plants? 8, a little girl, sitting in the middle of the water, wearing a pink coat, fragrant (guess plant 1)? 9. A dragon in the mud, with a canopy on the top, a piece on the body and a small hole in the stomach (guess a plant)? 10, hemp shell, red lining, coated with white fat. (Guess plants 1)? 1, calendar? 2. sheep 3. snakes? 4. Frogs? 5. Squid

6. Snails? 7. Tea? 8. Lotus? 9. Lotus root? 10, peanuts? Hope to adopt ~ ~ ~