The lines of Qiu Xiangsheng's Scarab Armor

He Xiangsheng's lines from Scarab Armor

Where were you when you were a child?

Of course.

(to the audience) Do you know why he is so attractive? One thousand hectares of land, one seedling. His father has four brothers. Although separated, they are all rich. His uncle's name is X Half City.

What do you mean by B X half city?

A is a city, half real estate and half real estate.

Listen to this.

A second uncle, a rich man in the countryside, is called X Qianqing; His uncle x million; His father called the old man. ...

b？

Jiawai

B You'd better not catch your breath here.

The four brothers are all rich, and he has few people in his life. Otherwise, how can he be called Xiaomiao? First, your uncle wants to adopt you.

Yes, it will last forever.

First, your second uncle will adopt you. Because of you, two brothers are guilty. Your uncle wants to work part-time, but your father won't give up. Four men have a son, and four old boys treat you as the boss.

B apex.

A pair of eyes.

B not eyes.

Brothers have four eyes and one eye.

Three blind people, one with only one eye.

One love is the apple of her eye, with only six wet nurses.

B six wet nurses, can I eat?

A didn't eat them all. There is also a doctor.

Dr. b what?

A you must check the milk.

Why is B still testing milk?

A this is very important. Every morning, every nurse squeezes out a small glass of milk. One side of the six small wine glasses is large, and the other side has a larger capacity. Put them on the scale, leave the heavy ones, but don't take the light ones. When I finished, I put it in the sun. After drinking, the doctor saw that there was blood in the milk and I couldn't eat it.

B why?

A it's called milk puree. You can't eat those with black spots.

B it's called ...

Nail fire milk. You can't eat clean water on the top.

B what?

A It's called gray milk.

B is more particular.

As soon as A can afford the oil skin, pick it out and throw it on the wall. It's like freezing, but he still can't eat.

B what?

It's called poisoned milk. Throw it on the wall. Wow! You can't eat it until it bottoms out.

B what?

A It's called pure milk.

How can I eat B?

A is the first one with great power; Second, I can afford the oil skin; Throw it on the wall and it will stop halfway. Good milk! This is for you to eat.

B Which of the six wet nurses has the best milk?

A None of the six wet nurses is better than your mother's. Your mother's milk is the best. Your mother's milk is too good for you to eat.

B why?

A Let your father squeeze it out and send it away in a bottle.

B I is a calf! Just now, I heard that six wet nurses breast-fed a child, which is outrageous.

A six is not all wet nurses. Some are watching you, others are fooling you.

B Call nanny and nurse.

At first glance, mom, nanny and even seven or eight footmen are coaxing you. You can't go too far. If I don't see you for ten minutes, your father will come to you.

B why?

A I'm afraid my subordinates will be angry with you. If you go to the temple fair and the market, your father will take you there himself. The gadget seller saw you and fell in love with you.

B why do you like it?

Here comes the round one. That year, your father took you to Dong 'an market to buy things. Your father led you personally, watching your mother, wet nurse and ordinary servant follow you, and two ordinary servants were carrying a basket.

Why are you carrying a basket?

Jiasheng's things. That doesn't count. Mom holds it, holds it.

Why did you buy these things?

A go home and invite children to play with you and show off a lot of your things.

B is really a black sheep.

At that time, A made the world famous. I bought it as soon as I entered the north gate. I spent more than 90 yuan in foreign exchange and haven't been to Dongan market yet.

B, it's not good to take money.

Up to now, I still remember that there was a street stall at the entrance of Dongan market yard. It was this gadget stall that made your father (Zhao) angry.

B what do you sell?

There is a foreign porcelain basin under the ground. There is a little water in it and a big pocket in the back. Take a few things out of your pocket and put them in a foreign porcelain basin.

B what the hell?

This thing has such a big head, four legs, a small tail and a long neck.

Uh-huh.

Nail green is real, and there are patterns on the lid.

B who sells beetles.

Hard cover, son of a bitch

B is that thing.

A You loved this when you were a kid. You can see from a distance that your tongue was not old and irregular at that time.

B I haven't spoken neatly yet.

Your father leads you. You smell like that.

What is that smell?

"Dad climbed up."

Well, why did dad climb? This is what I told my father: that thing climbed up.

A child speaks like this.

You connected the words, I don't want to hear them.

A Your father doesn't like this, and your father won't let me buy it: "Don't want that, that's dirty!" " "

B dirty.

"Dad is not dirty."

B keep saying that.

Your father said, "That bite." You said, "Dad doesn't bite."

B how ugly it is to say that!

A: Your father is Ning, but you went. You said you had to buy it. Your father said, "buy one. How to sell it? " Wow! This businessman is really amazing. They thought of home. This is called a good wife and son. You see, you are rich, and there are many servants carrying baskets. The baskets are full of things, and the wet nurse has them. Take them. Your father has a long beard. If you are so young, this must be your eldest son. Be smart, baby. When you meet this advocate, you make an offer and you run away. Na) I'm afraid you'll be angry. No matter how powerful you are, you can't shoot a gadget seller. I won't buy it when it's over. If you don't buy it, the child will cry. It doesn't matter if the child cries to death. If you don't let the child cry, you have to let him tear it.

This pedestrian? Font color="#006699 "> Talking about suburban Yi Shu? /p & gt；

Your father asked, "How much is it?" Actually, there are three copper coins, and a foreign currency is worth more than 500 pence. You want ten times the price, but not more than ten cents.

How much does he charge for this?

It costs ten dollars each.

B: Isn't this a mistake?

A Your father doesn't care about the ten dollars, which makes people angry.

B obviously irritating!

A is so angry that your father's forehead is green.

b！ Alas, is this more like it? Does it make sense that my father's forehead is green?

I thought he was angry.

B is so angry that it's green.

What do you say?

B, you have to say that my father's forehead is angry.

Oh, yes Your father's forehead turned blue with anger.

B not this green! Green or not.

A is so angry that your father's neck is long.

B, this is the real shape! Does it make sense?

A: I am angry.

No matter how angry B is, his neck won't grow.

A was so angry that his neck muscles jumped.

B that's more like it.

A wants to talk about your father. Don't be angry and lose your dignity. Your father reasoned with him.

B is the word.

Your father came over and patted him on the chest. "You want to sell me ten dollars. Do you think I'm worth ten dollars? "

What are you doing with my father?

Your father was very angry. He connected these words together.

B this thing is really irritating.

A was so angry that your father said, "We have plenty of money, but we don't spend it like this. You are wrong, we won't buy it. "

B Yes, we won't buy it.

How happy your father will be if you leave. At that time, you were too young to understand. You just didn't go, sitting on the ground rubbing your feet.

I had this temper when I was a child. Annoying.

A rubbed his feet and cried, "Dad, ten dollars is not expensive."

B isn't dad expensive?

You tell your father that eighty dollars is not expensive for this king. "buy dad."

Why do you still say that?

A: You don't speak fluently. It would be even worse to cry again.

B yes.

A Your father will feel distressed when you cry, and it will cost you ten yuan. Your father quickly coaxed you: "Don't cry, don't cry, baby." Buy, buy one, choose one and give him money. "

B, my temper is twisted!

A You stopped crying and picked one. Your father gave him ten dollars, but he was out of breath.

B: I must be out of breath.

A: If your dad gives money, he has to gossip.

B That means something about him.

"Look at the money, is that true? You can't spend it on vacation. You can have ten dollars. You have another bag here, and there are five or six in this basin, but they can all be sold like us. "

B: Why do you still treat my father as a market?

A: What your father means is that if you sell these for ten dollars, you won't be human for nine dollars and ninety cents.

B this pair, this pair.

Your father was angry. But when I came home, your father liked it.

B why do you like it?

Money saved.

B: A turtle costs ten yuan, which saves money? !

A must have saved money.

B what?

You can rest assured. You can buy it as soon as you enter Dongan market. I spent more than 90 yuan before I got halfway. After visiting the market, you can't spend 100 yuan. I bought a turtle and didn't want anything else. It saves money.

If you say so, you will save money.

There is another thing that makes your father very happy. You love to cry, but you can't coax it when you cry. I stopped crying when I bought something like this.

B I have something to do with this bastard.

Your father loves you.

B that hurts.

First, father and son are predestined friends.

b？

Your father is afraid of biting you. That thing won't bite. Your father found a rope to tie the turtle's hind legs and let you play on the ground. Wow! You prefer to run with it and shout, "daddy runs with me, daddy runs with me."

B that's more like it!

You let your father play with you.

Can my father run?

A child doesn't know this. You can eat and sleep with it, but you can't leave it at home. When the turtle urinates, the smell in the room is very strong. Your father took it from you, and at first glance, the tortoise's leg was completely broken. If you pull it again tomorrow, you will die. Your father is merciful, untie the rope, take it to the hospital, tie it with a flowerpot and tie it with new legs tomorrow morning. Now we are in trouble.

B what's wrong?

A I don't know if it belongs to a nursing home, a vigil or a servant. He touched the flowerpot and the tortoise ran away. The next day, when you open your eyes, you look for it. When you opened the flowerpot, it was gone. Where did you promise?

B lost his temper again.

A: You were lying on the ground and rolling around, crying and saying, "Dad ran away."

Dad B didn't run, that bastard ran. Make it clear.

Your father sent someone to look for it soon. He searched all the yards before and after, but there was no one there.

B Where can I find it?

Your father is in a hurry. You can't stop crying! Your father coaxed you: "Baby, buy another one later." "I can't go back, I'm still playing." "He didn't set up a stall these days. Can you finish your meal? " You roll on the ground: "I can't wait." Your father is also drowning: "that's not good!" " ""I'm just having fun. " "Come on! Take the rope, tie my legs and play with me. "

B I haven't heard of it. Not so charming.

Do you know why your father is so attractive? Pointing at you to change your family.

B didn't I just say cross talk?

A great progress will be made in the future.

Is it?

First, you are special.

B what's so remarkable about it?

A You have read You Xue (China old textbook You Xue Qiong Lin, referred to as You Xue). )?

B I haven't seen it

There are two sentences in A's "Kindergarten Learning": "An extraordinary son will have a strange life; A person with great virtue will have a wonderful life. " I had a sign when I gave birth to you.

What is the omen?

Your mother had a dream.

What's new about dreaming?

Dreams and dreams are different.

What dream?

Your mother dreamed that the south gate of heaven was opened.

B oh (oh)!

When A came out of the worse place, there were more than 100 fairy daughters, a concert, 24 pairs of sandalwood stoves, fairy children holding them, and one of them was an old lady, wearing that dress and hat, which happened to be the treasure ship of Rainbow at the Denggao Temple. Riding an ox, holding a chubby boy, with a lock around his neck, the words on the lock are long life. There are two boys in the back, a man and a woman. Everyone is holding a big piece of honey. The old lady gave this little fat man to your mother. Your mother woke up happily. It was a dream. Your father had a dream, just like your mother's dream, so did MengMeng. Otherwise, how amazing!

B Yes, I heard about it when I was a child. My grandmother told me about it, but what you said was neither old nor detailed. The old lady from a worse place is a godsend. Wearing that dress and hat won't hurt Wang Baochuan. This is a dress with a crest. It's not a bull riding, it's called Kirin. That's not solami, it's called dragon and phoenix fan. Two boys are playing with a fan, a man and a woman, that's a golden couple, holding a child, that's me.

A: What's going on?

B You don't understand. Haven't you heard that Kirin gave birth to a son?

A heard of it. What happened?

B that's me.

One oh (oh)! Oh, guys, you look great! Kirin sent the child here. Your mother is pregnant and hasn't given birth to you for ten months.

You see, the boy on the moon is as expensive as gold.

After a month, after two months, there was no birth.

B think at the beginning, Qin Shihuang was ten months old.

A: You are worse than Qin Shihuang, and you haven't been born 18 months.

B-ho, listen.

Your father is in a hurry.

B: What's the hurry?

A didn't you read the ticket: "It is said that 18 months is full, so if you don't redeem it for sale as a book, it's your life to eat worms and bite mice."

You took me for a (damn) ticket.

A hurriedly called the doctor and invited many Chinese and western medicines, but no one could tell why.

B little experience.

A later turned around and invited an old gentleman from the hospital. The old man is over 90 years old, and this pulse is diagnosed.

B or experience.

Congratulations to your father after the pulse diagnosis. Said, "Your wife is pregnant with a son." Your father said, "Wolf! Is it white eyes or four eyes? "

B hey! I am a wolf cub.

Doctor A said, "Good news is not bad news. Your child is born too naturally, you can't protect the child by protecting the adult, and protecting the child can't protect the adult. Mother and son can't have both. " At that time, your mother heard this: "I was shocked to hear this."

This is not surprising.

A "It's like pouring cold water on your head and holding ice in your arms."

B To sing Du Shiniang.

A Your father cried when he heard this 17 pairs.

What's wrong with your counting?

A: Your father said, "All children and adults want it." The doctor said, "It costs money to buy medicine." Your father said, "If you spend all this money, you can spend as much as you want to ensure the safety of children and adults." The doctor wrote a prescription and said, "It is said that this medicine costs more than 3,000 taels of silver and more than 5,000 taels of foreign currency."

B, more than three thousand taels. What medicine is so expensive?

Actually, A is just a medicine. You have to go to Beijing Tongrentang to buy it. Other pharmacies are afraid that the goods are not real and will delay things.

What's the name of this medicine?

The prescription says a pair of armored generals.

What do you mean by armored general?

General Armor, don't you understand?

B I don't know.

A It's dung beetles.

You can talk nonsense. Even if our family is rich, it can't be so bad. Next to it are pits and dung fields, and water is taken and dumped. Why spend so much money?

You mean dung beetles who pushed the dung ball in the hole? That's useless. This is a dung beetle from India.

Why do you want an Indian dung beetles?

A: You don't understand this. Didn't you read the sign on the drugstore that said, "This hall is an authentic medicine of Sichuan, Guangzhou and Yunnan."

B, there is such a word.

What does A say?

B I don't know.

A this kind of medicinal material pays attention to authenticity, and the same thing is divided into soil veins. Safflower, locally called grass safflower, is a big bag of twenty cents; Saffron, you can't buy a penny for five dollars Orange is the orange of Huazhou; Oranges from other places, that is orange peel, can be found in earthen baskets, and there are many. Rhinoceros horn is better than rhinoceros horn, ginseng gets Jilin wild ginseng, bezoar gets bezoar, and donkey-hide gelatin gets Dong 'agong gum. This is the relationship between land and vein, dung beetles and dung beetles.

B Why only use Indian dung?

A That part of India is close to the equator. Everything can withstand heat and won't be burned to death.

B, you have to live!

You can't be born anywhere. Send someone to buy it at once and buy it back with three thousand two hundred pieces of silver. When you open the brocade box, you can see a woman and a man, a fairy master and a fairy lady inside.

What do you mean by immortal master and immortal wife?

The fairy master has a sharp head, and the fairy lady has a small shovel on her forehead. The doctor looked at taking medicine, first eating the fairy master, and then eating the fairy lady. Don't chew in your mouth It hurt a leg and broke half its paw. That's a waste of money. It's hard for your mother to put such a big shit in her mouth and swallow it. Eat the fairy lady, and you will be born in less than ten minutes.

This medicine is really effective.

A why not? Dung beetles fell.

B.

A pushes you and you are born.

Oh, I'm an asshole!