Tell and write an extremely humorous joke (don't tell it if it's not funny)

Classic joke: I gave birth to the confession of an ugly man twice. The first time, a doctor dragged me out of the uterus and suddenly fainted. A nurse closed her eyes and groped for me and stuffed me back ... After the second birth, everyone in the hospital hid in the morgue and cried. The dean slapped his mouth and blamed himself for being as blind as a bat. He shouldn't be greedy for money to take over my business ... Motherly love is great. She didn't dislike me and raised me, but he was in front of me. At the age of eleven, when I was in the third grade, the whole class was the most curious and desperately wanted to see what I looked like behind the mask. A classmate named Li Dadan tore off my mask when I peed. Since then, Li Dadan has suffered from a strange disease, unable to speak, with dull eyes, doing nothing all day, killing people without blinking an eye, and crying as soon as he closes his eyes ... The Education Bureau sent someone, because all the students in the school transferred, the principal could only eat half a bowl of porridge every morning, and the teacher's salary had not been paid for two months ... After the people in the Education Bureau saw me, the director immediately resigned and went to sea, and the chain reaction led to the dissolution of educational institutions all over the country ... I walked down the street. A group of pigs rushed in front of me from behind, scrambling to put red flowers on me, handing out trophies and giving me one. Next door, Pockmarked Liu's daughter-in-law wants to brag to him that his pockmarked face is disgusting and she has to leave! It happened that I went to their window. As soon as Pockmarked Liu's wife saw me, she stopped talking and took out money to the insurance company to insure Pockmarked Liu's hemp. A pockmarked Liu's hemp is 10 thousand ... and shocked the United nations (? Why do you want to say it again? ), Annan is also at his wit's end and asked me to have plastic surgery, but it was useless. All plastic surgeons cried when they saw me. Nearly half of the doctors went to a mental hospital with the same symptoms. They only said one thing: ugly ... the ugliest thing ... Arafat sent a special plane to pick me up and asked me to stand at the gate of the presidential palace to resist the siege of the Israeli army. I went there and stood there for a while. The whole country in Palestine rejoiced, but when Arafat wanted to introduce me as a national hero, the Palestinian people couldn't find me with lanterns ... A writer came to me with tears: When I grew up, my biggest dream was to get a Nobel Prize in Literature, but now the master is too powerful ... I have a unique skill. As long as I can write a book in front of you, I will definitely win the prize! I didn't believe it, so he stayed with me for a week and wrote a five-million-word novel, Seven Days in Hell. As a result, he even won the Nobel Prize in Medicine ... The Nobel Headquarters announced that if you can find the words describing my face in the world, you will win the literature prize. As a result, all writers switched to buying pork, and Nobel Prize in Literature disappeared ... The National Football Association specially recruited me to join the team, hoping to really rush out of Asia. In the World Cup, every match was 12:0. A player has a ball. After the game, I will have a picnic on the lawn. I was alone in front of the goal BBQ, and the opposing players, including the goalkeeper, threw up on the ground. The referee even pulled out a red card. Of course, our players are also trained by the devil step by step. They first look at my photos, then look at my photos of eating, and then play football ... The World Cup will stay in China forever, and foreign media commented that I am the incarnation of the devil. At the beginning of the world lying contest, contestants of all races boasted wildly for the first time. I stepped onto the stage and won the championship in just three words, and I kept the title forever. I said, I'm not ugly ... I cried at night and whispered to the moon, am I, good-looking? A white object landed gently on the moon. I picked it up and saw that it was a small white rabbit that was trampled to death by the claws of Jiuyin white bones ... I shouted to the sky: God, am I the ugliest? Suddenly, it rained heavily in the sky and fell on me. I touched it, and it was all vomit ... I left this world and came to this ancient castle. I asked the mirror: mirror, mirror, who is the ugliest in the world? The mirror burst into tears and committed suicide ... God forbid, why did you give birth to me? I held a grudge and finally felt depressed, but who knows, that terrible person pardoned me and brought me back to earth ... So I wandered around the world, having nothing to do, just playing online, and I wanted to chat, so I applied for a QQ number, who knows ... The system prompts: because of your disgusting face (please forgive me, my literary level is not high, I can only explain this), They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven! So, the first ghost began to say ... I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me! The second ghost said ... I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard! The third ghost said ... I'm a punk, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and threw it from the 13 floor! I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!