Tik Tok's cold joke (Tik Tok's very popular humorous joke)

First, brother: "Mom, what is death?" Mom: "Death is gone." Brother: "Will mom die in the future?" Mom: "Yes!" Brother: "I don't want my mother to die. Can my brother take my place? " Brother aside: .....

Second, the little guy doesn't sleep, which is a headache! Me: if you don't sleep, I won't go to the station to meet your grandmother tomorrow, and I will lose her ... 6-year-old daughter: that's your own mother. You can do such a thing. .....

Third, my wife's steamed rice is burnt. My son looked at the rice in the bowl and said, my mother's cooking has improved and she can cook braised rice! My wife has a black line on her face.

4. I am fat. I bought a red skirt. Everyone said there was a festive atmosphere when I went out. My nephew saw me and said, auntie, why are you dressed like a tomato? hey ....

I have a fever and lie on the sofa wrapped in two big quilts. When I was sleepy, my little nephew came carefully with my cup. A warm current in my heart didn't hurt the boy's short man. My nephew handed me the cup: "Aunt, it is said on TV that a boy's urine can cure all diseases. Please drink quickly, just finish it. "

6. Today's bus, a mother sent her daughter to kindergarten. Daughter: Tomorrow is the weekend. Can you pick me up early today? Mom: ok, I'll go out after I put you down, and then I'll come back to pick you up right away, ok? The girl said, how embarrassing. ....

Son: "Mom, can you take me to eat hamburgers today?" Mom: "If you can write the word hamburger, I'll take you there." Son: "Then let's eat KFC!" " ! I will write KFC. "

8. Because children are not allowed to surf the Internet at home on weekends, I plan to take away the power of the wireless router when I go to work in the morning. As a result, when I went to get it, I found that it had been hidden by my Xiong Haizi last night.

Nine, just after work, I saw two Xiong Haizi fighting in the community. After the fight, I was still shouting, "Your father is an idiot." "Your father is a dog that eats shit!" ... it's okay for children to fight, and it's rude to scold their parents. I heard that there was a fire, so I went up and slapped everyone: "You two brothers go home for me!" "

In order to wean my one-year-old son, my wife recently left him in my care. Today, I took my son by bus, sitting next to a beautiful woman with big breasts drinking a bottle of yogurt. The son watched eagerly, and the beautiful woman smiled and asked her son, "Do you want to drink?" The son's sparkling eyes jumped into the beauty's arms. ...

1 1. Today, when I went shopping to go to the toilet, I saw a young uncle standing next to the ladies' room with an embarrassed face. Xiong Haizi's voice came from the ladies' room: "I won't go out until you buy it for me.

My son was taking a bath just now. My son asked me to pass him a towel. I don't want to move So I called my daughter-in-law and no one answered for a long time. Suddenly my son came over and said, "Your daughter-in-law is taking a bath with me."

Thirteen, wife: "Husband, someone said I was ugly today!" Husband: "Generally speaking, when a man says you are ugly, it means you are ok, and when he says you are beautiful, it means you are really beautiful." Wife: Nonsense, what will you men say when you meet a really ugly woman? "Husband:" We don't talk to such women. "

Before going to bed at night, my husband said to me with a whip and a candle: Wife, let's play something exciting at night. I nodded embarrassedly, and then the goods gave me a whip to put out the candle all night.

15. Husband: You are not gentle at all. You are just a mother ... My wife whooshed out a knife from the kitchen: What am I? Husband: mother ... fairy peony ... wife: well, that's more like it.

There is a mahjong machine at home. People who usually come to play mahjong smoke, so the room is filled with smoke. Today, I said to my husband, "The smell of smoke is too strong to stay." My husband said, "Wear a mask." Me: "Wearing a mask affects speaking." He: "I didn't see you fart in shorts." ....

Seventeen, bored in the office at noon, I cut my bangs, came home from work, and said to my husband: Where is my bangs? Husband: That's it. Me: I didn't go outside to cut it. I cut it myself. It didn't cost a penny. . Husband: Well, why didn't you say so earlier? Nice cut. ....

18. Get up in the morning and flush the toilet. After getting wet, I found there was no paper ... so I called my wife and said, "honey, I forgot to bring something very, very important to the toilet." Please bring it to me. " Idiot wife handed me a spoon. ....

Nineteen, I complained to my wife: "Your driving skills are too bad! I really regret taking you out to practice driving today! " Wife: "it's not that bad, is it?" At least I got on the bus for the first time since I got my license today. Will you give some encouragement? " I shook my head helplessly, broke the window with Nokia and swam up.

Twenty, my wife is my first love. Today, I called and joked: "Wife, let's break up. I haven't broken up since I was so big, which can make my life perfect. " These two idiots came over and said, "You've never worn a cuckold in your life, have you?" Okay, I was wrong. Am I not wrong?