Why do you feel less and less able to make close friends as you grow older?

Communications are becoming more and more developed, but the feelings between people are getting weaker and weaker; we know more and more people, but we have fewer and fewer friends with whom we can truly make friends.

The older you get, the more lonely you become. This is the voice of many adults.

Does this happen to you too? Many people in the mobile phone address book only contact them when something happens. They mostly chat with friends and share interesting jokes, but most people basically don’t contact them. Sometimes I have so much to talk about that I don’t know who to talk to, but in the end I choose to keep it in my heart.

Sometimes we can’t help but wonder, are we growing? Is it a gain or a loss?

People always love to miss their youth, when there were endless interesting things to do and many like-minded friends. After growing up, these beautiful pasts become a future that can never be reached, and can only be used for nostalgia and emotion.

Ms. Sun, who has been drifting in Beijing for 6 years, has long been accustomed to spending festivals alone. Her friends are all in love or getting married, so it is not easy to disturb her during festivals.

Xiao Lin, who was fired by the company, felt aggrieved alone. Finally, I chose to have a spicy hot pot meal alone, and ate it with sadness.

Looking at the deserted shop, Mr. Ma went to the roadside and smoked several cigarettes in a row.

Xiao Rui is being squeezed out of the company and doesn’t know whether he should resign. He opened several dialog boxes but closed them silently. Finally, I asked a question and answer on a website, and wrote about my experiences and frustrations with strangers...

The older I get, the more my sorrows become inextricably linked, and many times no one talks about them. No one understands. So people often make the best choice and digest everything with silence.

I believe many people have had this feeling. Why is it more difficult to make close friends as you grow older?

Many people ask questions, but confusion is always there. Regarding this issue, Lao Wang believes:

1. The older you get, the stronger your vigilance becomes.

When I was young, the relationship between friends was simpler and they did not experience real setbacks. , not much defensiveness, let alone disguising oneself. When I grow up, people's hearts are complicated, and not every time you give sincerely, you will be treated sincerely.

Ms. Luo once worked with her friend Xiaowen in the same workplace. The two had a good relationship. After Xiaowen resigned, they always kept in touch. They often went shopping and had meals together. They had never blushed in the five years they had been together. , I am willing to share with Xiaowen anything that is on my mind. Later, Xiaowen started to work as a purchasing agent, and Miss Luo bought some things from her. Once, when Ms. Luo was having a party with another friend, she was told by her friend that her leather bag was fake. Later, she took all the items she bought for herself to a professional institution for appraisal, and found that there were very few genuine items and most of them were fake. .

Miss Luo was devastated and went to Xiaowen to argue. Finally, Xiaowen made some compensation, but Miss Luo was heartbroken. From then on, she became more wary of making friends and warned herself not to believe easily. Anyone, even those I feel close to.

The older they get, the more things they experience. People will refine their experiences from the hurt they have suffered and the experiences of others, raise the threshold of trust, and constantly disguise themselves to protect themselves from harm. Gradually, the distance between people widened. Many people will even choose not to trust others wholeheartedly, nor will they give wholeheartedly.

So, it is becoming more and more difficult to make heart-to-heart friends because the threshold for trust is getting higher and higher.

2. Narrow social circle

There are only two people in Ms. Li’s office: she and her colleagues. Colleagues from other departments only communicate when handing over documents. After get off work every day, she would mostly go home and occasionally go shopping and watch movies with her friends. She has been working in this company for 5 years, and her life repeats itself day after day. She rarely has the opportunity to make new friends, let alone find close friends. Ms. Li's situation is also the epitome of many office workers.

After people enter the social stage, they are divided into countless cells, and it is no longer the large collective life in school. The life circle is getting narrower and narrower. Many people are restricted by their occupations, and there are not many opportunities to make new friends.

Most of the people around me are colleagues in the company and a few friends from school. After growing up, friends gradually have their own lives, families and careers, and they gradually drift away from each other, and the same topics become less and less common.

Colleagues mostly communicate at work, or have dinner and chat together during breaks. Especially when they are in the same group and have related interests, it is difficult to become close friends.

3. The social barriers are higher. Without the same language, how can we have a heart-to-heart relationship?

Friends who are close friends need a deeper spiritual connection. When on campus, people are more similar to each other. They study the same textbooks, experience the same things, and in the same learning and living environment, there will naturally be many similar topics.

After entering the society, it is not only difficult to make close friends. Some partners who once talked about everything will gradually become alienated. Because, after entering society, the gap between everyone's development, career, life concepts, etc. becomes wider and wider.

After Xiao Xu attended the dormitory class reunion, he was filled with emotion. The friends who had been together for four years and chatted about everything, now talked freely about cars, houses, and children after meeting. Xiao Xu, who had no staff, could only chat with him in embarrassment, and could never regain the happiness he had in the past. The confidant sister he once talked to all night long on the upper bunk bed had now become a parenting expert, and he could no longer talk to her. Went together.

When we were young, we were defenseless and could wake up at any time with friends we could chat with. As we grow up, our social barriers become higher and higher. Only when we have similar experiences and have similar views can we truly have a conversation. It takes enough fate to find such similar souls and be able to open their hearts to each other, but not everyone can have this good luck.

4. In social relationships, the chain of interests changes

Everyone becomes busy after entering the society, and social interaction between people is more of a resource exchange and interest exchange. The resource replacement efficiency of the network of people is getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer friends to make friends with.

Lao Wei works as a consultant for major companies. He has many friends and a wide network of contacts. But he understands that the friends around him are all because they are valuable to each other or have the same interests and hobbies. If he has any concerns or thoughts, he will only talk to his two old partners of more than ten years. They understand each other, have similar views, and have a high degree of tacit understanding. They are people he can really talk to.

When I was a child, I made friends more for happiness and cared more about each other’s sincerity. When I grow up, I care more about interests. If others value your resources to make friends, but you want to show your sincerity. Such an exchange relationship with unequal supply and demand is destined to be difficult to establish.

Written at the end

Lao Wang believes that it is difficult to get close friends. It requires enough fate, and it also requires our courage and sincerity. But it is precisely because of this rarity that friendship becomes more precious.

I hope you don’t lock up your sincerity and treat others sincerely, and you will definitely meet similar souls. That kind of joy is enough to keep you warm for a lifetime.

XinZhi.com