Don’t try to change your partner

A vicious circle that cannot be broken out of in marriage? Trying to change the other half

Many friends left messages on my public account "Mind Reading Monster", saying how unbearable their significant other was after getting married. They felt that the marriage was not as passionate as they imagined and that they felt unbearable pain. , in severe cases, the persistence of marriage may even be shaken, and even worse, the idea of ????divorce may even arise. Reading these messages, I was filled with emotion. Their marriage had fallen into a "strange circle" invisibly. That is, in a marriage, you are trying to find ways and spare no effort to hope that the other half will change in the direction you want. As a result, every one of them was injured, and they never got what they wanted until the relationship broke up.

In fact, if you think about it, in marriage, you will find that the parts that you dislike about your partner are actually things within yourself. So when you want to change him, you are actually yourself. Neither can be done. Everything happens within ourselves, and those outside are just projections of your inner self. We will use our lover as a projection board, hoping to achieve things in him that we cannot do. What we can't change, I hope he can change. There is also our own emotions, which we have no way to comfort or take responsibility for, so we let his emotions pay for it to comfort ourselves. Or you may unconsciously cause trouble for the other person and throw your own negative things at the other person. It is actually very unfair to ask the other party to correct something that cannot be corrected.

We can never change another person. You have to see that if you want him to improve, it is just your own projection. One of the biggest illusions in our world is that we mistakenly believe that we can control everything and change others, but we find that we cannot.

01

In fact, what everyone should pay most attention to is themselves, and see how they are doing when they ask each other.

During the period of love, everyone feels that the world is beautiful and that two people being together is the happiest thing in the world. In order to retain this "beauty", many people can't wait to get married. As a result, life after marriage is not as beautiful as imagined, so many people try to change each other. However, things often backfire.

There is such a joke. After a man marries a woman, he hopes that the woman will never change, and she will still look like a young, beautiful, and pure girl before getting married. But women also hope that the man will change.

For example, he had some shortcomings before marriage, but after marriage he will become a good husband or something. But I'm sorry, both sides have let each other down. Women have changed and become like yellow-faced women, always nagging, always trying to control everything in the family, including men's finances, freedom, relationships, etc. But men are still the same, they still have the same virtue. He continued his pre-marriage hobbies, playing games, looking at mobile phones, not doing housework, eating and drinking with his friends, etc.

In fact, in running a marriage, both men and women have great responsibilities. Women lack a sense of security and always hope that the greater the control over the family, the better. She always thinks that the more control over the family, the better the family. will be more reliable.

Men are naturally longing for freedom, and their parents have raised them in the direction of boys since childhood. This is the traditional Chinese concept. Men should have their own circle, and they have never done housework since they were young. Even with the encouragement of family members, make friends.

This is the characteristic of men and women. Just imagine if the positions of men and women were reversed, then even you would feel that this family is abnormal, and it may not be what you want. Therefore, what a family needs is management, not "surviving" in competition with each other. Sooner or later, such a marriage will break up due to deformity.

02

It is better to influence a person than to change a person

Create an environment where the other person is willing to change, rather than trying to change the other person.

Intimidation, threats, and quarrels can never change a person. Even if the change is made, it is only a formal change, and it can never be changed from the bottom of the heart. Sooner or later, one day the true nature will be revealed, and it will even "explode" and get out of hand.

The best way is to use your words, deeds, emotions, and respect to influence your significant other. Use your heart to feel your significant other. If you think about it from another position, your heart will become much clearer. .

Men should be more attentive to the suffering of women, think more about how difficult it is for women to take care of children, and think more about how monotonous and trivial housework is.

You will understand your wife more, and you will have more respect and consideration for your wife, and your family will naturally become more harmonious.

On the contrary, the wife should try her best to understand the difficulty of her husband working outside, the hard work of socializing, and the pressure of supporting the family. She should pay more attention to her husband's career, do her best to be her husband's strong backing, and let her husband take care of himself outside. If you can have a harbor to stop and rest after you are tired from working hard, then your husband will have infinite attachment and yearning for this home no matter where he goes to the end of the world.

03

Understanding and cherishing have always been important principles for couples to get along.

The way for couples to get along should not be about complaining and contempt, but about understanding. Be cherished. In fact, husband and wife are one body. It is not a relationship where you are high and I am low, and you are low and I am high. In today's society, there are many examples of husbands valuing their wives and wives valuing their husbands. Just imagine, who wants to live in an environment full of complaints and contempt every day, if this will "collapse" sooner or later.

For example: In my public account "Mind Reading Monster", there was once such a message.

Woman: My husband got drunk when he went out to socialize, and I was very angry. I originally wanted to quarrel with him, scold him, and say you can't do this next time. But then I realized that I had become God again, how could I decide what was best for Him. The reason why I am angry is because I am afraid. I think his drinking may be bad for his health. If he is not in good health, it will affect our quality of life in the future. Maybe I have to take care of him, or he will leave me early. I am afraid. Faced with these consequences, I want to control him. But people are very arrogant. We think we can control it, but in fact we have no control at all.

I have lived for most of my life and feel that people really have no control over many things, but we try to control them. So what is the reason why I want to control my lover? The reason is that I want him to live happily and have a bright future. But if I quarrel with him now and get into trouble over this matter, won't it ruin my happiness now? If I often interfere with his every move, then the two of us will not get along very well. Don't wait until the future. It's already unpleasant now. When I saw this, I let it go.

It can be seen that every starting point in our marriage is good, but often due to emotions, habits, temper and other reasons, unnecessary conflicts are caused on the originally well-intentioned starting point, and the results are often Backfired.

04

Let the relationship between husband and wife be full of love

When getting along with your lover, "love" is the basis and premise. Without "love", it cannot be called "love". It is called "home", and home is built on the basis of "love".

The relationship between husband and wife should be filled with "love" everywhere.

There is also our own emotions, which we have no way to comfort or take responsibility for, so we let the other half's emotions pay for it to comfort ourselves. Or you may unconsciously cause trouble for the other person and throw your own negative things at the other person.

The intimate relationship used to be so beautiful, why did it later become strangers and enemies? I think it is all because we did not manage this intimate relationship with "love".

In my public account "Mind Reading Monster", countless couples have left messages about trivial family matters. They both felt very painful at the time, and even went crazy with anger. They all said that the husband did not love me enough and the wife could not. Understand me and wait. In fact, when you calm down and think about it carefully, you will find that his or her starting point is basically well-intentioned and is for the good of you or the family. However, it is because of wrong methods and methods that eventually lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. Couples who have this kind of problem are advised to take a good look at the articles I have written in the past on the public account. It should be of great help to your life and marriage. Just search "Mind Reading Monster" on WeChat and click to follow. I hope my articles and opinions can be helpful to you.