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A long and funny joke story
The following is a long and funny joke I arranged for you. I hope you like it. For more jokes, please pay attention to cold jokes, hilarious jokes, humorous jokes, adult jokes and 100,000 cold jokes.
1. Tang Priest and his disciples came to the girl country.
Pig Bajie saw beautiful women in skirts all over the street, and his mouth watered.
Pig Bajie:? Monkey, I am hot, so it is windy. ?
The Monkey King:? All right. ?
The Monkey King say that finish, a gust of wind blowing.
Pig Bajie:? Monkey, the wind is wrong. ?
The Monkey King:? Which direction does the wind blow?
Pig Bajie:? Blow from the ground to the sky
2. Tathagata charged Guanyin:? Anyway, you must make sure that the Monkey King comes to the Buddhist paradise safely! ?
Guanyin wonders:? Is Buddha wrong? Isn't the key protection object Tang Priest?
The Tathagata smiled and said, Tang Priest is just a cover for me to deceive all my demons. Tang monk meat is not precious to the Monkey King! ?
Guanyin Road:? Where is the Monkey King precious?
Tathagata: Of course, it's his monkey brain. It's Ling Ming boulder's monkey brain. This is unique in the world! ?
Guanyin was startled: does Buddha want to eat monkey brain?
Tathagata: Of course, why else would I give you a gold hoop to tie the monkey head tightly, just to promote the growth of the monkey brain! ! ?
The fly wanted to borrow some honey from the bee for dessert, but the bee looked down upon it and scolded it. You shit eater, you don't deserve our honey. ?
The fly smiled. You fools worked hard to collect nectar from thousands of flowers in Qian Qian, and before you could eat it, you were picked by human beings. You are slaves of a group of fools. Unlike us flies, human beings have worked hard to eat delicious food all over the world and produced the essence: excrement is for us flies to enjoy. This is simply the treatment of lords. You poor slaves, continue to be your slaves! ! ! ?
Didn't you pass the exam? Why do you have to take the exam?
What did you say?/Sorry? You don't have to take the exam if you pass the exam? Who stipulated it? You know, the exam is a huge knowledge, don't expect to do well in one exam. I have been studying this problem for quite a long time, and I have carried out experiments myself. This has become a habit that I cannot change. I have studied all the courses at least twice since grade one. People say I am? A failed expert? , is it? Make-up exam essence. But I don't care. Failure? Just? Failure? Hey, huh? How are you? Just? How are you? Hey, huh? Expert? Just want it? How are you? Qiu Yi? How are you? Hmm!
5. Do you work overtime tonight?
B: No!
Why don't you rub them?
B: OK! Will your wife agree?
A: It doesn't matter!
B: Nothing. Can you lift the table again?
I promise not!
B: certainly?
A: Of course!
B: Not afraid of your wife?
A: I'm afraid she farts! Damn it, I went back to my mother's house ...
Will you check the post by phone?
A: Just don't hum!
Will you suddenly go home?
Don't worry, I won't leave until this afternoon!
B: What if she didn't go back to her parents' house to set it up on purpose?
Shit, I didn't think of this ... then let's not fight. .......
6. Mom: Son, ask your dad to cook!
Son: Isn't Dad kneeling on the washboard?
Mom: Tell him to kneel down after dinner!
Son: Mom, come here!
Mom: What's the matter?
Son: Dad can't stand up. His knees are stiff and he can't cook!
Mom: Did I let him cook with his legs?
7. Son: Dad, are you afraid of your wife's inheritance?
Dad: No!
Son: Since I can't, why are grandpa afraid of grandma and you afraid of mom?
Dad: That's because grandma and your mother both inherited the gene that parents bully men!
Son: I see, I'm afraid that my wife is born, and bullying my husband is hereditary!
8. The small trees on the green belt were broken. The greening workers said they had just broken it, so I ignored them and walked on.
Who took a shit on the side of the road, the cleaner said it was just taken, and I kept walking;
The manhole cover on the road is missing. Just now, the city manager said it was stolen. I am unhappy. Stealing is illegal, so I quarreled with the city management. . .
The policeman came and asked, What's it to you?
? I can only scream? Just now? ! ?
9. Husband: Wife, did you come back from the exam?
The wife is angry: Nima, what doctors are there now?
Husband: What's the matter?
Wife: I think he examined me and wanted to ask if it was a boy or a girl. He said he wasn't sure?
Husband: Haha, wife, didn't they tell you everything?
Wife: Tell me what?
Husband: I'm not sure. Not a girl?
10, a female colleague rides to and from work every day, and we finally went to bed after half a day.
On this day, she invited me to her home and said that her husband wanted to thank me for taking care of her. This scene really embarrassed me.
During the dinner, the husband said sincerely with a glass. Brother, thank you for always taking care of my wife. She gives you a ride every day, which gives you trouble. ?
? You're welcome. Isn't this on the way? Lift a finger. ? I said with a red face.
? Brother, tell me quickly, where does your wife work? I don't think I can go, so I can take her. ?
? No, no, my wife doesn't work! ? I quickly answered.
1 1, A: I was fired.
B: Why?
A: At a meeting some time ago, the boss said that there would be a holiday in early February, so I bought a ticket for February 4th.
B: the timing is reasonable!
A: But at the meeting last week, the boss said that the holiday time would be changed to 65438+1October 20th. So I returned the plane ticket and changed it to a high-speed rail ticket of 65438+1October 2 1. During the refund, I deducted 200 yuan.
B: that's a bit of a loss
A: At the meeting yesterday, the boss said that the holiday time would be changed to 1. Last night, I returned the high-speed rail ticket and changed it to February 1.
B: I hope I can finally get tickets.
It's good. What are the benefits? Today, the guy said that the holiday time was finally set for February 3.
B: Huh? This boss is so funny, but what does this have to do with your being fired?
A: Isn't it too hard for him to change around like this and deserve to be beaten?
12, Xifeng is walking in the street. Her two shoes are not only embroidered with colored pompoms, but also tied with a bell. Xi-feng walked, her shoes were full of colors and jingled.
An acquaintance saw her like this and asked in disbelief? Why did you decorate your shoes so beautifully?
Hearing this, Feng answered helplessly. Oh, forget it. Isn't this a natural facial disaster? I want to look down the eyes of others in order to solve problems for the disaster area! ?
13, Wife: Honey, tidy up the room today!
Husband: How to organize it?
Wife: throw away your smelly shoes, socks, soot and everything related to you?
Husband: Yes! Honey, did you throw away the washboard, too?
Wife: Nima, is the washboard yours?
Husband: I kneel down every day. It must be mine, right?
Wife: You only have the right to use it, and the ownership belongs to me. If you dare to give up, you will kneel there in the future! !
14. Last week, Mary worked as a salesgirl in a women's and children's specialty store. On the first day of work, an old lady wants to buy a pair of gloves. Mary is sorry to tell her that there is no stock in the shop.
As soon as the old lady left the shop, the shopkeeper blamed Mary for not being able to talk. And set the rules for her on the spot: don't tell the customer that there is no goods, try to recommend a similar product to the customer.
Yesterday afternoon, when Mary was in class, a beautiful girl came in to buy sanitary napkins. It happened that the sanitary napkins in the store had just been sold out. Mary remembered the rules set by the shopkeeper and said to the beautiful girl with a smile. You can try using diapers! ?
15, an idle villager often steals chickens from the village and then kills them.
After the incident was exposed, the village security director asked: Don't you have a little fear of stealing so many chickens from others?
The thief answered truthfully:? I'm a little scared. I've been worried about whether these chickens are harmful to bird flu! ?
16, A: I heard that your daughter gave birth to a big fat boy. Congratulations!
B: Thank you, thank you!
A: Didn't she just get married for five months?
B: Well, I've spoiled her since I was a child, and I haven't suffered any crimes. She couldn't bear to conceive in October, so she gave birth early!
Teacher: Students, this is our Japanese friend. Their father and son came to visit our school this time?
Japanese father replied in Chinese: My name is Ichiro Kameda, please take care of me! Is this me?
Xiao Ming shouted: I know I know! This is your son! ?
18, wife:? Honey, there is a silver door for sale today. ?
Husband:? What do you sell?
Wife:? It is said that it is a necessary item for lonely otaku to live a happy life! ?
Husband:? Inflatable doll?
Wife:? Fill your sister, make instant noodles! ?
19, wife:? Honey, have you ever run a red light?
Husband:? I had it when I was a kid! ?
Wife:? Why did you run through the red light mud?
Husband:? Because a beautiful woman chased me all the way and insisted on intimate relationship with my ass, I would rather die than run a red light. ?
Wife:? What the hell is going on, mud?
Husband:? She chased me and shouted: Don't run, little bastard, or I'll kick your ass! ?
20. a:? My colleagues at work always don't pay me back, which makes me very angry! Dude, do something! ?
b:? What's so hard about that? I seriously recommend the following good debt collection strategies: first, let the debt collection company drop money to help you. ?
A:? No, it's too expensive. It's not worth the loss! ?
b:? Second, ask a lawyer to send a lawyer's letter, or sue him if he doesn't pay back the money. ?
A:? No, it's too expensive. It's not worth the loss! ?
b:? Third, hire some gangsters and tell him it's his turn not to pay back the money. ?
A:? No, it's too expensive. It's not worth the loss! ?
b:? You buy a poster and stick it at the door of your unit to expose his shameless behavior of not paying his debts. ?
A:? No, it's too expensive. It's not worth the loss! ?
B: I said, big brother, how much does he owe you?
A:? One piece! ?
2 1, wife:? Honey, I want to get a tattoo. ?
Husband:? Do you want a tattoo?
Wife:? I want to tattoo my husband's face on me, so that we can always be together. Dear bird, will you tattoo my face on you, too?
Husband:? Okay, but where are the tattoos? Can I make my own decisions?
Wife:? Okay, where do you want to tattoo me?
Husband:? Foot board! ?
22. Old Tang was sick in bed, and his little grandson asked around the bed. Grandpa, what do you mean? Heavier than Mount Tai, lighter than a feather.
Old Tang seriously talked a lot about life and death, and the little grandson said doubtfully, Grandpa was hit by a car and lost a lot of money, didn't he? Heavier than Mount Tai-very important/significant.
Old Tang Xiaoxiao didn't speak, and the little grandson then asked, If you die in bed, no one will give us money, right? Lighter than feathers? Right?
Old Tang suddenly choked up.
23. Old Tang is chatting with an old neighbor downstairs. The old man said excitedly: I picked up 100 yuan early this morning, no wonder my left eye kept jumping! Seemingly? The left eye jumps for money? Still pretty smart! ?
Hearing this, Lao Tang quickly said, Don't just be happy, it's probably fake. ?
The old man took it out and looked at it carefully. It's really fake. Ask Lao Tang: How do you know it's fake? You lost it?
Old Tang:? This is not easy, because your left eye is fake! ?
The old man touched his fake left eye and fell silent with depression. . .
24. A young man was in a hurry. Suddenly, the woman in front slipped to the ground and the young man was behind her. Seeing this, the young man immediately fell to the ground. Aunt was surprised. After a while, the young man stood up.
Aunt was surprised and said, why did you get up by yourself?
Young man:? I am in a hurry. I'm going to the bathroom. I can't pee my pants! ?
Suddenly a man came up and said to the young man, son, you should also accumulate experience in learning to touch porcelain. Next time, dad will buy you some diapers to wear. ?
25. A pair of lovers are whispering under the pumpkin shelf.
Suddenly a bubble of bird droppings fell on my head. Right on that man's head.
The man shouted at the sparrows in the sky. Can't you see there are two people here?
The sparrow smiled. Sorry, I saw two people, but I can only take one shit at a time. ?
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