Tell me your funniest sarcastic joke?

1. The general took his lover for a walk on the beach and saw a warship parked not far away. The general pointed to the warship and said to his lover: "The money I have spent on you over the years can buy a warship."

The lover said dissatisfied: "Then why didn't you say you were on me? Can all the artillery fire be used to liberate the island of Taiwan?"

2. On the bus, a migrant worker was sitting on the seat. At this time, a modern girl came up because the migrant worker was about to get off at the next stop. , he stood up and gave his seat to this girl. But the girl disliked the seat being occupied by migrant workers, so she took out a tissue and wiped the seat carefully before sitting down again. But when this girl's butt was about to sit down, she farted.

At this time, the migrant worker who gave up his seat snorted and said: "People nowadays are really civilized, and you have to brag about it when you take the bus."

This is News events are very humorous.

Recently, it was reported that Li Chen, Wilber Pan’s national trendy brand “MLGB”, filed an administrative dispute due to the invalidation of trademark rights and the final verdict was upheld. The Beijing High Court held that the trademark had negative connotations in the online environment, and it should be determined that the disputed trademark itself had negative connotations and low style. At present, the "MLGB" company claims that the meaning of this word is "My life is getting better".

In fact, it makes sense for Li Chen and Wilber Pan to be unconvinced. After all, BYD does not need to be used in an online environment. In our Jiaodong, both pronunciation and glyphs are curse words, but BYD also claims that BYD Does it mean bring you dream? Why can it pass the review?

There may be several women in the world who don’t eat, but there is not even one woman who is not jealous. ——Gu Long

It is a blessing for a woman to kiss a man, and it is a blessing for a man to kiss a woman. ——Han Han

Children treat toys as friends, and adults treat friends as toys. ——Zheng Yuanjie

How long is one minute? It depends on whether you are squatting inside the toilet or waiting outside the toilet. ——Anonymous

To test gold, you can use fire, to test women, you can use gold, and to test men, you can use women. ——Han Han

Being single is not difficult. What is difficult is dealing with those people who try their best to make you end your singlehood. ——Zhou Libo

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it. ——Han Han

What makes people unable to extricate themselves is not only teeth but also love. ——Qi Qin

Marriage is the tomb of love—if you don’t have a house, you can’t even enter the tomb. ——Guo Degang

I often warn myself not to hang myself on a tree, but as a result... I get lost in the woods. ——Han Han

The earth is in motion, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever. ——Yu Dan

An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is not right, it will be useless no matter how hard you try. ——Li Ao

If you want to fully understand a man, it is best not to be his lover, but to be his friend. ——Han Han

First: Editor: Sir, your article is too loosely written.

Author: Publish in prose? I agree.

Edit: But the writing is too messy.

Author: Let’s publish it as an essay.

Editor: The work seems too childish.

Author: Let’s follow the fairy tale.

Author: Really, let’s post it in ancient Chinese

The second one: Once, a writer borrowed a book from a stingy neighbor. The neighbor said: "Okay, okay." . But there is a rule: books borrowed from my library must be read on the spot." A week later, the neighbor asked the writer to borrow the lawnmower, and the writer smiled and said: "Yes, yes. . But here’s the rule: the lawnmower borrowed from my house can only be used on my lawn.

When I went to work in the morning, I saw a child burning paper on the roadside. From time to time, he secretly threw a few exam papers into the fire and burned them. While burning, he muttered: "Master, you are getting older. Doing the questions there is good for your brain and can develop your intelligence. If you can't do it, take my class teacher away and let her teach you."

I am very happy to answer your question, and I hope everyone likes my answer.

A pair of best friends went to take a shower, and then one looked at the other's underwear and said: "Wow, you and your husband are so in love!" Even the underwear is worn by couples!" Then they were stunned. .

2. Last year, when I was 26 years old, I met my first girlfriend. I loved her very much, and she loved me too. One day, I couldn’t help but hug him. Said: I want to kiss you. She was afraid: Mom said that kiss would make her pregnant! I said: But I couldn’t help it. One month later, she became pregnant. I’m so happy. !

3. Just now, a courier suddenly came in to deliver flowers. The recipient of the flowers was one of our male colleagues! We all guessed whether he was gay or if he really had a sister who was chasing after him. Zhuhua was stunned for a while, then suddenly patted her head and said: "Damn, the addressee and addressee were filled in incorrectly!"

4. One day, I went outside to take a shower, and then went out to dry my hair. When I got to the hair dryer, there was a girl standing in front of it, blowing it, and another girl standing in line. I would line up behind me. Wait, wait, that girl is very good at blowing. The girl in front of me might not be able to wait any longer and left. I kept waiting and waiting. After waiting for a long time, the blowing was finally good. Then, he unplugged the hair dryer, put the hair dryer in his bag, despised me, and walked away gorgeously! I'll take it and be yours. You told me earlier!

5. Not long after a woman came out of the toilet, the male security guard ran over and reminded: "Miss, our squad leader forgot your mobile phone in the toilet seat."

Woman: "Thank you, thank you."

Here I wish everyone that all your wishes will come true, be happy every day, and all the best!

After taking physical education class, we both felt hot in the dormitory, so we decided to go to the water room to play. In order not to get my clothes wet, I took off my clothes before going. , and they have to compete with each other in the corridor to run faster. Can you imagine the two naked men running in the corridor with their buttocks bare and roaring "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," they have to run faster than anyone else in the corridor? , the most embarrassing thing was when we met the teacher checking the dormitory hygiene, we were in the water room, naked and shivering

1. In the hotel, a family was toasting to celebrate their son who was admitted to college. A young waitress slipped on her feet and accidentally spilled the soup on the body of a prospective college student. Before she could apologize, everyone at the dinner table started to criticize her: My son is your age and has gone to college. You can't even The plates couldn't be served well. . . Upon seeing this, the supervisor hurriedly came over to apologize: I'm sorry, she is the top scorer in our city's college entrance examination this year, and she came here to work to earn tuition.

2. When I got married, a buddy forced me to give me a red envelope. "We have such a good relationship, why should we give him a red envelope?" I said to him in a slightly accusing tone. He smiled and said, "It's a courtesy, and I'd be embarrassed to come without a red envelope..." In the evening, I opened the red envelope he gave me, and it turned out to be a lottery ticket bought for two yuan, and a note that read: "Brother, did you win?" The winning rate depends on your character.”

3. The rising and falling market prices of A-shares are driving brokerage analysts crazy. I asked the brokerage analysts: What do you think of the market outlook? Analyst answer: There is political risk in being bearish, there is moral hazard in being bullish, and there is unemployment risk in not being bullish. . .

4. I went out to eat hot pot last night. I thought about it for a long time, and finally plucked up the courage to say to the waiter: "Hello, waiter, thank you for your hard work. Excuse me. I have something I don't know if I can handle." You discuss it. If I say something wrong, please don't mind. Just think that I am wrong. Could you please help me add some water to the pot? Thank you. If based on your experience, you don't think you need to add it, Let’s not add it for now, it’s actually more delicious with less soup.

5. When Aunt Li got on the bus, someone offered her seat. She then stood up and gave her seat to someone else. Children. Someone gave up their seat immediately, and the aunt did not hesitate to let an old man sit.

Everyone looked at him with admiration and gave up their seats one after another. The aunt said that it was not easy for office workers, so she pushed two tired young people, a man and a woman, into their seats, and finally sat down peacefully. In this way, Aunt Li's family of five found seats.

Share some of the weird things I encounter in life!

1. I received a scam text message: Dad, I was kidnapped and needed 50,000 yuan in urgent need. Account number is XXXXXXXXX. Then I logged into online banking and tried the password every day. I tried three times a day, but nothing happened after more than half a month. I tried to find out the password, and then received another text message: Brother, please spare me, this is my first time committing a crime, and my salary is still included!

2. Since using Pinxixi, my monthly pocket money of 500 is enough. Wearing VIKE, eating Kangshuaifu, drinking Pulse Jie, vivi for mobile phones, Baishi Coke for cola, another bottle of Rebi, Blue Moon Shell laundry detergent for laundry, and melon seeds to treat incense. Melon seeds, functional drinks and Hongwu, a big walnut with nutritious ingredients for breakfast, and biscuits, they are so delicious!

3. Teach you a way to be impressed by others in the QQ group!

Step one: Suddenly said in the group: So the mass of matter given by the strong nuclear force and the part explained by the Higgs field are independent of each other, right? Step 2: Quickly continue: Sorry, I sent it to the wrong group!

4. I borrowed 50 from the teacher, 50 from my classmates, and spent 97 on a lollipop. For the remaining 3 yuan, give 1 yuan to the teacher, 1 yuan to the classmate, and 1 yuan to the beggar on the roadside. I owe 49 yuan to the teacher and 49 yuan to my classmates. 49 49 = 98, plus 1 yuan given to the beggar = 99. Where did the other piece go?

There are many strange things in life. As long as you are good at observation and pay more attention to life, you will definitely find that there are many happy things in life!

Our neighbor, whose surname is Yu, lives in Room 805 on the eighth floor. He got married on October 15th of the lunar calendar last year and took a Northeastern girl as his wife. She is very picky about food and likes to eat more expensive dishes. For vegetables that are rarely available in the market, her subjective consciousness is that they are fresh. As long as the vegetables are more expensive in the market, she thinks they are delicious. Once she went to the market and bought three handfuls of chili seedlings and took them home. She said, "You can buy these things and grow them there." , plant it in a flower pot." Her wife said, "It's not a plant, it's bought to eat." Yu Yui said: "This kind of thing is not eaten, it can only be grown."