The joke of adults: "Will you give this to me? 」

During the Chinese New Year, I took my daughter back to my parents' home to play. My daughter knows that our agreement is that we can only eat candy during the Chinese New Year and the holidays, so when she saw that grandma had a bag of comprehensive candy, she was eager to rummage through the bag for her favorite candy and planned to eat it (* * * three). My little sister who just woke up came out of the room and saw her daughter opening the candy bag with an expectant face. She squatted down and asked her seriously, "Is this good for my little aunt?" 」。 My daughter was a little stunned, but she still bit by bit

During the Chinese New Year, I took my daughter back to her parents' house to play. My daughter knows that our agreement is that we can only eat candy during the Chinese New Year and the holidays, so when she saw that grandma had a bag of comprehensive candy, she was eager to rummage through the bag for her favorite candy and planned to eat it (* * * three). My little sister who just woke up came out of the room and saw her daughter opening the candy bag with an expectant face. She squatted down and asked her seriously, "Is this good for my little aunt?" 」。 My daughter was a little stunned, but she still ate the candy in one gulp. My little sister didn't say anything after reading it, and the topic changed.

After lunch, let's go to a nearby temple and light a safety light. While waiting, my daughter took out the only gold coin and chocolate from her pocket and asked me to help her out. Seeing that her daughter was about to eat chocolate, the little sister, who was idle beside her, leaned over and asked seriously, "Is this a good idea for my aunt?" ",my daughter still didn't answer this time, silently eating the whole piece of chocolate.

After a while, a legislator candidate came to make a red bag, and her daughter was also given a bag. My little sister, who just went somewhere, came back and saw the red bag in her daughter's hand and asked her, "Wow! Why do you have such a beautiful red envelope? Give it to the little aunt, okay? After hearing my little sister's "sharing questions" in just a few hours, I couldn't bear it any longer. My tone was a little impulsive and I said, "Why do you keep asking like this? You don't really want it! My little sister replied to me, "I'm testing whether she knows how to share!"

this kind of "send me, ok? The game is not the first time I have encountered it, and the elders especially like to tease children like this. I remember the first time I met this situation. My daughter just came back from the outside with a favorite toy in her hand. When she came in and saw the uncle of the guard downstairs, she was very happy to present a treasure. The uncle said, "Wow! What a beautiful toy, will you give it to me? ",the daughter's expression immediately turned from joy to fear and fled the scene like a fly.

From that time on, whenever she saw her uncle downstairs, she would immediately hide the toy behind her and try her best not to let him see it, and then hide in the elevator as soon as possible. At another relative's party, when my aunt saw the doll brought by her daughter, she also teased her and said, "Alas, this giraffe is so beautiful! Give it to your aunt, ok? After listening, my daughter quickly took the giraffe back and held it tightly in her hand, fearing that the doll would really be taken away.

if we want to judge whether my daughter knows how to share from the above reaction, I can say that she absolutely doesn't know how to share. In the situation, she is very stingy and possessive, and she doesn't even want to give anything to others. However, in the face of such a situation, as a mother, I am not embarrassed at all. On the contrary, I think why adults are so boring and want to play with children in this way?

I understand, "Will you give me a ride? There is no malice behind the game. The adults who play the game just tease the children or just want to "test whether the children know how to share". However, many thoughtless words or actions actually reflect many problems.

First of all, adults tease their children in this way, knowing that the children must be unwilling to give away their beloved things, so they ask this question on purpose. When the child is in a hurry and even starts to cry, adults will feel a sense of accomplishment in their hearts. Seeing that the child is panicked by his own words, he is amused. What's more, when children are unwilling to do what they love, adults still say, "Why are you so stingy? ! ",deepen the child's sense of self-esteem.

Maybe we were treated like this by adults when we were young, so we subconsciously treated our children like this when we became elders. However, when we were young, who liked to be teased like this? Even adults, who likes to be asked by people who have nothing to do: "You are so beautiful, will you send me?" 」？ If you can't tell an adult like this, please don't tell a child like this.

secondly, I think asking, "Will you send me? It is even more bizarre to "test children's understanding of sharing." Animals are competitive by nature. Animal Planet Channel can see that brothers and sisters do not hesitate to kill each other for resources, and so do human beings, in order to survive. Unless sharing can bring other substantive purposes or a higher level of happiness, it is difficult for us to expect a person to actively share. The other side of sharing is deprivation. When we share something, it is equivalent to giving up our ownership (whether permanent or temporary). It needs a very complicated psychological operation mechanism to accept the feeling of losing everything, understand the true meaning of sharing and get another form of satisfaction.

If you test whether a child knows how to share, the answer must be that he doesn't know how to share (unless the child doesn't care about such things at all). Moreover, children are still establishing their own concept of ownership. If adults keep trying to create a sense of deprivation of ownership by "sending me away" at this time to force him to share, children will only resist sharing more (teacher Li Kunshan said that children will be more possessive).

"will you see me off? The game makes children fall into a dilemma and confusion. I found that adults who like to tease children like this all like this child. In fact, children know adults' love for her, but in the face of such jokes, they are caught in a battle between heaven and man to protect their beloved items or social relations, and even adults don't like to face this situation. Why should children be expected to know how to handle it better than adults?

by the same token, what if one day we brought the latest products that we finally queued up to buy? IPhone, a good friend saw it and asked, "Wow! How beautiful! Can I have this one? ",what do we think? For a child, her favorite toy is our latest? IPhon, the candy she was going to eat was the * * * macaroon that we waited in line for three hours to buy (each person was limited to three). Will we be so happy to "share" with others?

the most puzzling thing is, will you send me your adult's letter? "Not serious at all. When the child struggled for a while and finally decided to give the toy or candy in his hand to the adult who asked questions, the adult shook his hand and said, "No, no, I'm kidding you! ",will the child have the feeling of being played? Or, adults may accept their children's sharing, but throw it away. Obviously, they don't really want it. Will children feel spoiled? It's like men and women in communication, in order to confirm their position in each other's hearts, make a wish list. When we try our best to realize each other's wishes and think that the other person will be moved to tears, the other person says casually, "No need, I'm just kidding! ",or don't cherish our efforts at all, how do we feel?

This has nothing to do with sharing. It's a joke on children, and it's cruel.

My sensitive daughter, I don't know if she is often played like this these days, which makes her love for present treasures very possessive. When she was in kindergarten, she didn't want to wear her favorite shoes, carry her favorite bags, bring her favorite toys and use her favorite hand towels. She said that she was worried that someone would take her things, and she would leave all her favorite things at home.

She is a little paranoid about being killed, and she is afraid of being forced to share in the group. She can't enjoy her favorite things safely, but she is always worried about being afraid. I used to feel rude to others because my daughter didn't want to share, but now I think sharing is not the supreme value. We must respect the ownership and emotional feelings of our children before we can lead them to appreciate the true meaning of sharing, that is, the simple intention of "I hope the other person is as happy as me."

In fact, children know the essence of "sharing" best. They will carefully draw a lovely and colorful painting with their little hands and give it to her favorite person; When they taste delicious food, they will dig a small mouth with a spoon for you to eat; When they go to a fun place, they will clamor to bring a grandmother with them next time; When she sees that her mother has successfully made cupcakes, she will shout happily so that we can cook them for school children in the future! However, when they do this with great joy, how do we respond to their sharing?

The child is actually willing to share, but we have to let her decide what to share and how to share it. When she shares it, we should sincerely thank her, accept it with both hands, and cherish it. To teach children to share, adults should share it with their children first: eat delicious food and share it with their children; See interesting books and invite children to read them together; Have been to interesting places and take children to visit together; Draw a card for your child on her birthday. These are better than words, and they are also the best way to let children know how to share. Cherish the child's mind and enjoy the beautiful things with the child, whether it is delicious food, a children's painting, a song or a book, which can lead the child to experience the joy of sharing. It is a feeling that can't be forced, and it can't be achieved through jokes or derogatory.

If you want your child not to have it, don't let her have it in the first place; If she already has it, please respect what she has. We must respect her willingness to share; When she shares it, we must accept it sincerely.

sharing should be pleasant enjoyment, not cruel deprivation.