Tell a hot joke

Satisfactory answer rating: 0. Boss: Selling socks! Three yuan a pair!

Me: It’s cheaper, three pairs for ten yuan!

Boss: My purchase price is more than this amount, I can’t sell it...

2: I once went to buy mutton skewers

Hold out 4 fingers I said to the boss, "Here are three mutton skewers."

The boss was confused, "How many?"

I stretched out three fingers and said, "Four"...,,,

3: Our general manager’s surname is Zhou. Once he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: amp;quot;Premier Zhou...amp;quot;

4: When I was cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go and cut the carrots into diced meat!"

5. I remember when I was in high school, I saw a good friend of mine shopping outside the school gate. You know, I often got hungry when I was in high school because I used my brain too much. I immediately ran up to him and punched him, then I took his piece of cake and took a bite of it. I even cursed and said, I’m really not full of energy. They didn’t take me to buy a cake. As a result, before I could swallow a bite of the cake, I looked up and realized that I had recognized the wrong person. So forget it. Later, I actually said sorry and threw the big cake I took a bite towards. The man ran away as soon as he stuffed it in his hand, and the whole process was completed in one go! ! !

I remember when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall, holding the big cake with a gap in his hand in a daze. Even now, sometimes I can’t help but beat myself up when I think about this! ! ! !

6. Buy popsicles. 1.5 yuan. Give the boss 10 yuan. The boss gives 8.5 yuan in change. Then throw the 8.5 yuan into the trash can. Thinking something was wrong, I threw the popsicle into the trash can again. I left an ice cream wrapper on my hand... Han

In the end, I went through the trash can~

7: One day I was eating at a rice noodle shop very slowly and very hungry. Finally, I couldn't hold it back anymore and I slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if the rice noodles were not served, I would flip the table over!

The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don’t serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds and then burst into laughter. Under the table... shameful...

8. One day, my cousin and I went to catch a bus and finally waited for one, but there were too many people on the bus and we couldn't squeeze through the front door. .We had to swipe the card at the front door and get on the bus through the back door, but there were too many people on the bus and we couldn’t squeeze in through the back door.

So the driver’s brother discussed with us: amp;quot;I Start the car first, drive slowly, and you can run behind the car. My cousin and I were wondering: What can we do? But there is no other way, we can only run behind the car. As the car drives away About ten meters out, there was a sudden brake. The passengers in the car could not control their bodies and all fell to the front of the car. The back door suddenly made a big space. At this time, the driver greeted us proudly: amp;quot;Come on, hurry up...amp;quot;

9: My surname is Zhu, and I manage the unit's computer room. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken Section, are you in the pig room?" At that time, he cursed the guy wildly

10: In the unit's congratulations, a leader said: "I wish everyone good health... "Hold it, I have no words.

11: When my parents quarreled, my dad angrily said: "I'll get you out of here!"

12: When I was playing basketball in high school, A acted selflessly after getting the ball. The ball was passed to B, and B easily scored. After a while, B got the ball, and A shouted to pass the ball to him. But B throws the ball himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blinded just now...

The whole audience burst into laughter

13: When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was doing. He said excitedly: "Manchester United lost, and Beckham got two yellow plates and left the field!"

14: In my impression, the squad leader in elementary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was full of people. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up and slammed the table and roared: Whoever makes noise again, cut his mouth off!!!... The whole class was silent

15: Just started college, military training , the company commander didn’t know the accent, and shouted the command - "Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

16: In the second year of high school, our Chinese teacher was a man who had just been transferred to Beijing from Nanchang An old teacher with a very strong accent. His son went to the Department of Architecture at Tsinghua University, which was also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He was very proud of his son. He always told us about his son, and every time he said, "My son is a frog." Department of Architecture, Tsinghua University". ． ．

If moths get to frogs and toads, wouldn’t they become snacks? ． ．

17. When repairing the computer, I spat into the main case, and the computer popped up and found new hardware~

18. A person was riding a bicycle and suddenly heard someone singing: gogogo, I thought: Damn, I can do it too. I am so tired and so tired that I fell into the ditch with a bang. At this time, the person next to me said: **, I told you to ride in ditch ditch ditch

19: A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festive stanza under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"! Everyone burst into laughter! I didn’t react for a while~~~~~~~!

20: Drinking with the leader and others, he raised his glass and said loudly: amp;quot;Let us die together!amp; quot;My brain was too hot at the time...

21: Boss, do you have any toilet paper cards?

22: I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot

23: Managers usually say to smokers during meetings: Smoking will be strangled to death!!

24. A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's toilet. Then I realized there was no urinal, which felt wrong, but luckily there was no one in the women's room. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When he was opening the door, he met a girl who came in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room.

25. When I was in high school, there was a buddy in the class. He was born in 1981. He was not very young, but he was very old...

The following is something that happened to him while taking the bus. :

When I was a sophomore in high school, this buddy took the bus to school. When he was bored because of the long journey, a man of about 35 years old sitting next to him talked to him. The man opened his mouth and said: "Brother, go." Where?"

This guy may have been treated like this a lot, so he wasn't too surprised and answered calmly: "No. 3." The man's second sentence: "Oh, let's go see the child? It's hard for the child to go to school..."

The man's face twitched and he said nothing.

The third sentence: "Brother, how old is your child?" The guy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he said casually: "First year of high school"

At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at the man with wide eyes in surprise, looked at him for ten seconds, and then said: "Brother, you got married very late!"

26. Catch up with business in the morning ***The car, when we arrived at the platform, the car had already started.

So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me!"

At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the window and said to me: "Wukong, you Just stop chasing.”

27. When I was in college, I danced a terrible group dance that required violent movements such as falling down quickly and raising my legs high. Everyone fell into disuse after just a few days of practice. They were covered in bruises and some leg muscles were strained. I was injured more severely.

I went to class in the afternoon. On the third floor, I couldn't lift one of my legs at all. I just had to walk up, which was like sending the leg straight up. As I was walking, I heard a girl behind me saying to her boyfriend: "Schools in big cities are more formal. In our hometown, people with this kind of polio cannot go to school at all."

I fainted...

28. I heard someone calling the radio station to request a song on the bus. A man called and said: "I am a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home, so I have to Celebrated the New Year in Beijing. I want to order a song. "

The host asked him: "Who do you want to order a song for? "

I thought at the time that this was no need to ask, they must be my parents and relatives far away, but who knew he replied: "I want to order a song by Chen Xiaochun's "You'll Be Cruel" ", given to all Beijing Railway Station staff and all ticket sellers! amp; quot;

29. A question requires connecting the following four sentences with related words:

1), Zhang Haidi My sister is paralyzed;

2), Zhang Haidi’s sister studies tenaciously;

3), Zhang Haidi’s sister has learned many foreign languages;

4), Zhang Haidi’s sister Learned acupuncture.

The correct answer should be: "Although sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she is still paralyzed.

An even more fierce child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so tenaciously that she finally became paralyzed

30. Yesterday I went to the next The rural inspection really made me feel proud!

That day, the two of us were watching the growth of crops on the path in the field. From a distance, we saw a group of foreigners gesticulating around a local farmer. Out of curiosity, I quietly walked not far behind them to hear what they had to say.

The foreigners (probably Americans) were flipping through an English-Chinese dictionary. The brochure uses a very non-standard Chinese pronunciation: how, I, arrive, peripheral...

I thought, oh, I should be asking for directions. I am very curious to see our farmer brothers. What did the foreigner say?

The farmer brother looked at a loss. I thought, well, my elder brother’s comprehension ability is too low?

When the foreigner saw that he didn’t understand, he became even more anxious: WE, I, everyone, go, go, want to...

The farmer brother still looked at a loss...

The foreigner became even more anxious and began to stamp his feet and risk Sweat...

At this time, this fifty-year-old farmer said to this group of dancing Americans something that made me think I gained the most from this trip to the countryside: can you speak english?

31. One night I was drinking with some friends, and all of them drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the roadside, and we couldn’t lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him with. Don't catch a cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that when he woke up the next day, he found three bicycles on his body.

32. Ge You went to the toilet on the way to eat, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Pants Why is it wet? Ge You: Often! My friend was puzzled. Ge You: Often the person next to him is peeing and suddenly turns around and shouts: Damn it! Isn't this Ge You? . . . . .............