The Weaknesses of Human Nature (III) —— Make people understand? Take the routine!

This article mainly introduces the method of 12 to make others recognize you. This has nothing to do with making others like you. Being recognized by others does not necessarily mean that you want others to like you, nor does it mean that others are willing to be your good friends. "Agree" means that objectively, others will not say something to you, or hope others will adopt your idea.

There are many ideas that the author didn't mention in the book. On the basis of respecting the author's intention, I hope to share these methods with you. After reading it, you will find that this trick of 12 is actually quite helpful for dealing with social relations at work. Of course, if you want to use it really easily, you still need to practice more.

The highest level of debate is to avoid arguing with others.

In daily life, it is inevitable to encounter situations that are different from others' ideas. In order to prove our point of view is correct, we will argue with each other unconsciously. In the end, there was a fierce quarrel between the two sides. The point is that sometimes the argument is fruitless for a long time, and it is very hurtful.

Why are we arguing? This stems from our inner need for self-esteem. In the debate, we all hope to get the self-esteem we want with our own correctness. If you don't want to get involved or stop arguing right away, the easiest way is to shut up and let the other person finish what he wants to say. As the saying goes, "it takes two hands to make a sound." When you don't take the initiative to argue with him, he will have nothing to say in the end.

Of course, not arguing doesn't mean you lose, but you will win the respect of the other side. Many times the purpose of our argument is not to win or lose, but to achieve the same goal. For example, when a team is working on a similar project, teammates often have disputes over some issues, but the purpose is to successfully complete the project. When you let the other person finish, he will feel that his importance is recognized, so that his sense of self-esteem can be realized.

When listening to the other person's point of view, you may find that you misunderstood the other person's meaning. Or, you will find that the other person actually thinks the same way as you do, but expresses it in a different way. After the other person has finished speaking, he gains a sense of self-esteem, and will naturally ask for your advice and give you a chance to speak. What was supposed to be an argument turned into a friendly discussion.

Because they are always self-righteous, regardless of the occasion, blindly picking on others!

Everyone will feel smarter than others. This is actually quite good. People still need the most basic confidence. However, when we overhear someone saying something wrong, our sense of justice (Qiang) (Po) (Zheng) will jump up and ignite. In order to prove that they are smarter than others, they will consciously correct each other's mistakes and make them particularly embarrassed. Sometimes, although others just play and say nothing on the surface, they already hate you in their hearts! If you keep pushing me around, you must be directly facing others.

In fact, we don't like to make a fool of ourselves in public. That's a real pity. When others kindly point out our shortcomings, we not only can't accept them, but also insist that we are right. Because we are too proud to accept that others are smarter than ourselves. In order to defend my self-esteem, even if I bite the bullet and talk nonsense, I don't want to admit that I am wrong.

When we find other people's mistakes, can we put ourselves in their shoes? The other party has a strong sense of self-esteem and honor, just like us. The higher the status, the stronger the sense of self-esteem and honor, and the more proud. If we want to correct each other's mistakes in good faith, it is better to remind him in a way that he can accept than to point it out directly. For example, you can say, "What you said is very interesting. I don't know much about this. Would you mind listening to my thoughts? Please forgive me if I am wrong. " This will not only allow you to express your ideas from the side, but also maintain the self-esteem of the other party and make it easy for the other party to accept your ideas.

When you do something wrong, you should confess it immediately, but never try to explain it.

I have mentioned that when people are criticized and accused, in order to maintain their precious self-esteem, they will unconsciously shirk their responsibilities and are unwilling to admit their mistakes. However, doing something wrong is doing something wrong. Even if we shirk our responsibilities, the facts will not change, and it will end in the end.

Is there any way to avoid being criticized by others?

Before others find out that you have done something wrong, you should find an opportunity to confess yourself. Taking the initiative to admit one's mistake with a sincere attitude will generally gain the understanding of others and avoid being severely criticized. When we hear others blaming ourselves, we usually don't throw cold water on each other, but try to comfort him and hope that he will get better. Of course, remorse can only alleviate our inner worries and seek an opportunity for self-improvement. Even if others forgive us, we still have to correct our mistakes. Take the initiative to take responsibility for yourself and gain the trust of others.

However, not all mistakes can be forgiven by remorse, and some principled mistakes can never be made. For example, murder and arson, drug abuse and prostitution, even if you take the initiative to confess, it is difficult to get other people's understanding. These mistakes have brought serious harm to other people's lives and lives, and even people close to you can hardly accept your crimes. In any case, don't make any mistakes that violate morality and law!

When you blame yourself, don't explain why you did something wrong. Explaining will make others feel that you are shirking your responsibility and making excuses for your mistakes. If you explain too much, you will be disgusted by others and make them feel that you are insincere and dare not take responsibility. Not only can you not get the sympathy and understanding of the other party, but you may also lose the trust of the other party.

Talk calmly and identify with others in a friendly way.

Calm and always is the first step of effective communication. When you discuss a problem with others in a calm tone, the other person will be infected by your relaxed atmosphere and naturally want to talk to you. Before expressing your views, if you can sincerely agree with each other, your views will be easily accepted by others.

I remember when I was in college, I was in a group with Americans, and obviously I felt excluded from the group meeting. I was helpless, so I went to consult my tutor. After hearing this, my tutor gave me a trick: "In the next group discussion, you should agree with others' views before expressing your own views. This will make it easier for people to listen and adopt your ideas. "Later, I took part in the group discussion with a try attitude. After listening to a girl's coercion, I nodded first and said, "I think XX's point of view is good. This strategy can effectively improve the brand's popularity in the local area. "I think that girl's beautiful eyes are glowing. I continued to add my ideas, but I didn't expect all the team members to think my ideas were good and joined the strategy.

If you want to be recognized by others in communication, you should first show that you agree with the other person's point of view in a friendly way and sincerely express why you think his point of view is good. In addition, when speaking, if we express our ideas in a tough or persistent tone, even if we agree with others' ideas, others will think you are false and give others a sense of arrogance. In order to avoid such misunderstanding, we should have something to say when we communicate with others. Expressing our views in a peaceful tone will make the other party alert and more willing to accept your ideas.

See if you have Socrates' wisdom! Let others say "yes, yes" first.

This is actually similar to the fourth point above, but it is still slightly different: the fourth point emphasizes how you can make others accept your point of view, but it does not mean that you oppose other people's points of view. However, the fifth point is how to persuade others to finally adopt your idea when you obviously have a contradiction with the other party's point of view.

First of all, don't discuss things you don't agree with. When you are actively discussing the problem, you are all working hard for the same conclusion, so your difference lies only in the method, not in the purpose. Therefore, when you encounter contradictions, don't rush to refute the other party's point of view, otherwise it may anger the other party and make the conversation impossible to continue.

Emphasize first, always emphasize what you agree with. If you emphasize what you agree with first, then ask the other person if you agree. If the other person's answer is "yes", then you can continue to ask relevant questions and let him keep saying "yes, yes." In this way, he will be unconsciously taken to the ditch by you, and finally have to agree with your idea.

It may be easier to understand if you give a chestnut. Insurance salesmen, for example, will use Socrates' wisdom especially. They know better than anyone that many people are unwilling to take the initiative to buy insurance. When they visit customers' homes, they usually talk about some topics that customers are interested in first. For example, when they see pictures of children skating, they will ask, "I accidentally saw pictures on the table just now." Does your child like skating very much? " . Parents naturally and even proudly said, "Yes, yes. My child is learning. " Then on this issue, they gradually guide parents to discuss some risks they will encounter in skating, so that parents can't deny these potential risks. In addition, parents have a strong desire and sense of responsibility to protect their children, and do not want to see these dangers come to their children. Finally, I bought a special (smooth) firm (successful) child insurance. Did you take it? Anyway, I totally accepted it. .

Why is it easier to convince others by guiding them to answer "Yes"? Referring to scientific psychological weakness analysis, as far as people's psychological state is concerned, when a person says "no", this idea lurks in his heart, which makes all his organs, nerves and muscles completely unite to form a "rejection" state. On the other hand, when a person answers "yes", those organs in the body do not contract, and the tissue is in a state of progress, acceptance and openness.

Persuading others skillfully requires constant thinking and long-term training. If you like to keep in touch with others, you will get many opportunities for exercise. If you are boring and not good at expressing yourself, but you still want to convince others easily, then you probably need to take some devil training classes to suffer.

Try to be modest and give each other more opportunities to speak.

Sometimes we will meet such a person who is not familiar with him, but when chatting, we just listen to him constantly showing off how awesome he is. If you throw cold water on him, you will obviously offend him and tear him up. If you listen silently and make him feel super good about himself, he will especially like you and be willing to listen to your chat.

If you don't want to argue with each other, try to be modest and listen to their opinions. Give him a chance to brag about himself in front of you and gain his sense of honor. After all, everyone is vain and has a strong desire to express. If we satisfy each other's self-esteem, they will be willing to be friends with you. If you have to show that you are better than the other party, you will only be suspected, jealous and resentful by the other party.

However, we are all ordinary, and perhaps the only difference is the different lifestyles, so there is nothing to be proud of. In life, in this world, we can't leave too many traces in the end. Listen to others, feel their goodness and learn from them. To tell the truth, we have nothing to brag about, we are just creatures on earth. In the eyes of birds, a person is dead, just like an ant is dead.

If you want to influence others, make them think it was his idea.

None of us like being forced to accept other people's views. Especially when a person thinks he is smarter than others, he is even more reluctant to be forced to adopt other people's opinions. Besides, it is unwise to impose your ideas on others. It is wiser to give some advice to others and then let them think about what to do.

Give the initiative to the other party, so that he will think it is his own idea and be more willing to adopt your suggestion. This not only satisfies the other person's self-esteem, but also makes him feel comfortable doing it your way. Especially when attending some public occasions with leaders, you can't express some opinions to show that you are smarter than leaders and embarrass them in order to make yourself conspicuous. Doing so will only make the leaders hate you and make you prostrate.

You can try to see things from the other person's point of view.

When you can't understand other people's "wonderful" views, why do you think he has such an idea? If we can't understand other people's thoughts, we can try to ask ourselves, "If I were in his position, how would I react?" ? How would I feel? "

If you are curious about other people's ideas, you'd better not guess other people's behavior. It is also disrespectful to guess others at will. The best way is to ask him sincerely why he thinks or does this. And then basically listen to the other side telling their own experiences vividly and so on. When you know the story behind him, you can better look at his thoughts from the other side's point of view. If we really want to know someone, we should communicate from the heart. If you can't figure it out, you should ask each other sincerely, and also give yourself a chance to get close to each other's world and draw closer to each other.

When a person is facing a serious problem, he can also try to look at the problem from the perspective of others, which can relieve the pressure. When we were young, we all felt that our study was very hard, and we had endless homework every day. Parents usually say, "You are really blessed. There are poor children in the world who are so eager to go to school, but they can't get it. "

I was too young to understand why my parents gave such an example. Until the summer vacation, I went to my grandmother's house in the country to play. As for me, my study consciousness is still quite high. Every day I put a small table on grandma's kang and do my homework on it. Once, a neighbor's children came to grandma's house to play. After entering the room, the child stared at my book with eager eyes and envied me for doing my homework. I asked him, "Have you ever been to school?" He said, "No. I really want to go to school! " Then I asked him, "Do you want to learn now? I can teach you. " He nodded with great pleasure. Every day after that, he came to my house to accompany me with my homework, and I taught him to read. It is this experience that makes me feel that studying is not so hard, and it is also something that I can be proud of. Later, when I met all kinds of study pressures, I felt less bitter when I saw the little boy's eyes eager to read.

Allow me to be an idiot: I began to think that my child could not study because of difficulties at home and wanted to help him kindly. Later, I learned that his parents were quite rich. Children just want to experience the taste of school because they are not old enough to go to school. . Damn it, I didn't even realize it! I taught him Chinese Pinyin and Jiujiubiao for a month. . Finally, I felt a sense of accomplishment and was moved by my stupidity. . I just want to know if children are still so eager to go to school after school. . )

Listen to him quietly, understand and sympathize with his experience, and comfort him well.

Many people can't help sharing their misfortunes with others, hoping to get sympathy and comfort from others. Seeking comfort is a common psychological need of people. When a child is injured, he can't help showing his scars to outsiders. At this time, outsiders usually say in a sympathetic tone: "What a pity! Does it hurt? " In fact, his scar has healed and he forgot the injury, but he is still happy to show his scar and get sympathy from others. Because when he gets sympathy from others, he will feel loved and cared for in his heart.

The child is innocent, hoping to win the sympathy of adults by drying scars. In fact, the same is true for adults. For example, Selina of SHE accidentally exploded during filming and was severely burned. After her recovery, we will also see the entertainment news report Selina bravely basking in scars. A large number of fans and netizens sent warm wishes. Of course, some netizens think Selina is a star, and getting a scar can get the attention and sympathy of a large number of fans, just for hype.

I want to say that Selina is a star, but a star is also a human being, and has a fragile side like ordinary people. Some girls will be sad to death if their nails are broken. Selina is a public figure, and her career needs beautiful appearance and outstanding talent, but this accidental burn can be said to have brought her to the lowest point in her life. Ordinary people can't stand a little burn, not to mention a beautiful star who is burned all over. Is it wrong for the media to bask in scars and hope to arouse social sympathy for her and hope that she can feel love?

Some people may say, "People with strong hearts generally don't take the initiative to ask for sympathy. Putting on a pathetic look every day and asking for sympathy from others can only show that this person is not mature enough and his heart is not strong enough. Besides, who knows if his pity is fake or really pitiful? Such people are not worthy of sympathy. "

For the above point of view, my idea is that although everyone will experience various ups and downs in his life, everyone's tolerance is different. After the same unfortunate experience, some people become stronger and more optimistic about the future; But some people can't stand the blow and become more vulnerable. Why? I think this has a lot to do with the environment in which people grow up, their personality and the people they contact. If a child grows up in a happy family, his parents give him warm love and correct education methods, which cultivates his optimistic and strong character, and after he grows up, everyone he contacts is full of positive energy, then he will naturally be stronger and more optimistic than others after encountering setbacks. Generally, people who lack love and security are more eager to get sympathy from others. They seek the concern of others by pouring out their experiences.

When you hear someone complaining to you, in fact, he just wants your comfort to soothe his fragile heart. At this time, please use a tolerant attitude to understand his feelings and tolerate his vulnerability.

In fact, everyone likes to be held high.

Each of us idealizes ourselves in our hearts and likes to give a good explanation for our motives. Therefore, if you want to change others, you can give them a noble motive.

In our subconscious, we all want to be "perfect people". In order to create a good image for ourselves, we pay great attention to our appearance when we go out, and we are especially "polite" when we meet outsiders. When we encounter difficult things, no matter how others persuade us, we are unwilling to agree. But only when we heard someone say something nice about us and give us a sweet jujube, did we agree as readily as chicken blood. Sometimes we clearly know that other people's praise is for a certain purpose, but why are we willing to take the bait? Because we don't want to ruin our noble image and reputation.

I remember learning to swim when I was a child, but I could never learn it. Other children can swim, and I am still practicing rafting. I feel particularly inferior in my heart and always complain about my stupidity. My parents are particularly puzzled and anxious, so I am particularly opposed to swimming lessons. Once in class, the coach dragged me to drift and saw that I was depressed. He said to me, "In fact, you have always been a very hard-working child. Although you learn a little slower than other children, you are more persistent than others. Floating is the basic skill of swimming. Just because they swim fast doesn't mean they can swim far. If you want to swim far, you must look at the floating technology. " After listening to the teacher's encouragement, I was deeply moved and immediately aroused the fighting spirit! The coach always thinks I work hard, so I have to study swimming harder. Don't let down the coach's evaluation of me. Later, I finally learned to swim, because I can float for a long time, so swimming is not troublesome.

Flattery and flattery are two completely different things. It is justified to praise others. Sometimes I hope to change others' views, and sometimes I hope to inspire others' deep potential to accomplish a seemingly impossible thing. No matter what the purpose is, praising others requires us to discover each other's strengths and potentials, consider each other's interests, sincerely hope him and believe that he can do better. However, flattery is a bit low-level. Flattery is generally obvious in order to gain one's own interests and praise others indiscriminately. Others are not fools, I can hear that you are not praising him from the heart. Kissing up to others will not only make others feel happy, but will make others feel bored.

Pack your ideas well and perform your intentions dramatically.

This era is full of drama. It is not enough to tell the truth. You must express the facts more vividly, interestingly and dramatically. You must use some methods to attract people. For example, in order to attract students' attention and improve their learning efficiency, professors will use PPT to carefully show what they want to talk about. When a vivid video is to be played, students will immediately concentrate and stare at the display screen.

So is the proposal. In fact, male compatriots just want to express their love for their girlfriends and hope to join hands with them in the future.

Scene 1: Suppose your boyfriend takes out a ring while eating Lamian Noodles at a stall and asks you, "We have been dating for a long time. I wonder if you would like to marry me? " If I were a girlfriend, I would hesitate for a few days. . Is this guy kidding me? )

Scene 2: Suppose your boyfriend tries to create a romantic atmosphere, having a candlelight dinner and a rose attack, and then goes down on one knee to express his love for you and proposes to you with a big diamond ring.

They are all proposals, but they are proposed in different ways. Which way will you agree without hesitation? The second one, of course! Creating such a romantic atmosphere has already moved the woman!

If you want to attract others' attention, you must try to impress them. Show your ideas in a unique way, and others will accept them more easily without hesitation!

Stimulate his desire to win in an appropriate way!

Without competition, we can't stimulate our inner desire to win and explode our potential. The competition here does not mean the competition of intrigue, but the desire to win each other. Why does the boss sometimes deliberately praise the workers in Class A during the meeting? Class B has higher output and higher quality. Can the workers in Class A be convinced? It must be secretly trying to surpass Grade B, and skillfully creating some competitive environment will stimulate employees' fighting spirit and greatly improve work efficiency.

Why does everyone have the desire to win? Maslow, a famous American psychologist, believes that people who need self-realization often get a sense of accomplishment through self-realization. In this process, people will have a so-called "peak experience" mood. At this time, people are in the highest, most perfect and harmonious state, and there will be a feeling of ecstasy.

When you want to make a person work harder, you'd better not force him with exciting language, which will make his rebellious psychology stronger. It is necessary to create some positive competition and stimulate his fighting spirit under the condition that he will not be torn away by this person!

To tell the truth, it's hard for P.S. to write this sentiment. Because I don't have much social experience and personal experience to share, it is sometimes difficult to personally understand the author's intention. All I can do is read it over and over again, guess the author's intention, just try to figure out every tiny difference, and it took me a long time to write it. Anyway, I finally read it. The writing is not good enough, please forgive me.