Urgent collection of 5 humorous English jokes (must be funny)! ! !

She didn't say anything

Mother and son are washing dishes, while father and daughter are watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking plates, and then there was silence.

The girl looked at her father and said, "It's mom." 。

"How do you know?" Her father asked.

She didn't say anything. "

I have turned it over.

A woman said to her husband, "honey, look at our sheets!" It's too dirty. Do you want to wash it now? "

The man looked at the sheets, thought for a moment, and then said, "I don't think it's necessary." We can turn the sheets over. Is that all right? "

2. A girl went to the priest and admitted her sin.

Girl: Father, I am guilty.

Missionary: What did you do, little girl?

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a bitch.

Missionary: Why? What did he do to you?

Girl: He touched my chest.

Preacher: You mean like this? (That guy did it. )

Girl: (a little shy to touch) Yes.

Priest: There is no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my clothes.

Preacher: You mean like this? He did it again. )

Girl: Yes, that's what he did.

Priest: That's still no reason to call him that.

Girl: He put his "What Do You Know" in my "What Do You Know" ...

Preacher: (evil laughter) ...) You mean like this? (Do you know)

Girl: (a few minutes later ...) Alas ... Yes, that's what he did. ...

Priest: My dear girl, there is still no reason to call him A. ...

Girl: But he has AIDS! !

Preacher: That son of a bitch! ! !

When I was born, I was black.

When I was born, I was black.

When I grow up, I am black.

I have grown up, and I am black.

When I am in the sun, I am black.

I am in the sun, I am black.

When I am cold, I am black.

When I am cold, I am black.

When I am afraid, I am black.

When I am afraid, I am black.

I am black when I am sick.

I am sick. I am black.

When I died, I was still black.

When I died, I was still black.

You-white people,

You-white.

When you were born, you were pink.

When you were born, you were pink.

It turns white when it grows up.

You have grown up and turned white.

You are red in the sun.

You are in the sun, you are red.

You are blue when you are cold.

When you are cold, you are blue.

When you are afraid, you are yellow.

When you are afraid, you are yellow.

You are green when you are sick.

When you are sick, you are green.

You were gray when you died.

When you die, you are gray.

And you, call me "color"

You call me a colored man?

4. New teacher

George came back from school on September 1st.

"George, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked.

"Mom, I don't like her because she said that three plus three equals six, and then she said that two plus four equals six ..."

New teacher

On September 1 day, George came home from school.

George, do you like your new teacher? Mom asked.

"Mom, I don't like it, because she said that three plus three equals six, and later she said that two plus four equals six."

5. Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

6. An excuse for speeding

An excuse for speeding.

Harry and Lloyd were speeding on the road. A police car stopped them.

Why on earth did you drive so fast? "The policeman roared.

Our brakes don't work-so we want to get there before the accident! 〃

The cause of speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding and a police car stopped them.

"Why are you driving so fast?" The police officer shouted.

"Our brakes are not good, so we want to get to our destination before the accident."

7. Send the bill to my father

Doctor: There is nothing I can do about your complaint. It's hereditary. 〃

Patient: Then please send the bill to my father. 〃

Give the bill to my father

Doctor: "I can't do anything about your complaint." It's a genetic disease. "

Patient: "Then please give the bill to my father."