14 humorous jokes

1. A few days ago, a sister paper talked to me about the criteria for choosing a spouse, saying that I don't like handsome people and prefer me! At that time, my heart was beautiful, and now the more I think about it, the more I feel wrong!

My sister took the postgraduate entrance examination this year, so she moved out because she wanted to find a quiet environment. I went to send some snacks to my sister that day. When I came in, I found the child and her partner at home, and I got angry at once. I said to my sister, wife, I'll take you out to live tonight. We haven't been together for a long time. I will never forget the eyes of my sister's boyfriend in my life. ...

My cousin has a girlfriend, who is the customer service of the courier company. When I met my parents for the first time, all the dishes were ready. Uncle asked: Why did the girl come? Do you need to pick her up? Cousin: Nothing. The courier in our community will bring it to me later. My uncle and aunt paused, and then mixed doubles. ...

4. Being dumped by her boyfriend, lying in bed crying in the dark. My mother sat by the bed and looked at me without saying a word. I feel like my mom is finally starting to feel sorry for herself. I couldn't help getting up and crying with my mother in my arms. My mother reached out and squeezed a big circle of fat on my stomach and said, no wonder people don't want you!

On the bus, a sister fell asleep on my shoulder. I silently poured mineral water into the bottle cap and left along my shoulder. After two stops, I woke her up and said, I'm sorry to disturb your sleep. I really can't stand your running water. She blushed, insisted on washing my clothes and left her phone number.

6. People who grind their teeth and fart in their sleep at night in university dormitories have everything. One day, my roommate in the upper bunk said that he called my name in his sleep. I thought he wanted me to see it. I didn't expect him to fall asleep As soon as he got back to his bed, he added: Get your ass up.

7. Changing the light bulb at my mother-in-law's house, I broke two stools and stood up, with my wife and sister-in-law holding them below. Suddenly there was a crack, and I was startled. I fell from the back of my head and hit the ground. At that time, my ears were buzzing and my head was blank. Later, I heard a voice in the dim light: Sister, help him up first. Why did you go through his wallet?

8. I admit that I was a little anxious when I was almost 30 years old, so I can accept a little girl in her twenties calling me uncle, and I can accept my peers calling me uncle, even if a 40-year-old person calls me big brother. But what does your aunt in her fifties mean when she asks me if I have a wife?

9. I remember when I was a child, my brother and I were caught stealing money from home to buy snacks. My mother pulled us to the side of the road and asked my brothers to repeat this scene. Brother pointed to the drawer and said, brother, let's take money to buy snacks. Me: Brother, we can't do this! then ...

10. My girlfriend recently practiced driving and worried the coach to death. She stepped on the accelerator and didn't remember to brake. On this day, the coach was very calm, didn't scold her, didn't help her brake, and her girlfriend was shivering while driving. After a sudden braking, her girlfriend looked at the coach next to her in horror and asked, "Coach, what's on your mind?" ? The coach calmly said: Nothing, just don't want to live. ...

1 1. I saw a father and daughter in the elevator. My father is holding his happy little daughter, and they are carrying baskets full of food and blankets. Dad asked his daughter: Are you happy to take you to a picnic? The daughter shouted: Happy! Then they got out of the elevator, walked more than ten meters to the lawn of the community and began to lay blankets. This is the most perfunctory father I have ever seen.

12. I remember the first time I met my husband. I want to go shopping when I have nothing to do after dinner. Later, my husband said that he had a stomachache and wanted to go to the toilet, but he couldn't find it around. Then he said to open a room to go to the bathroom, and he followed without much thought. ...

13. When I was in college, I fell down playing football and my legs were broken. During that time, I had to take a wheelchair. My roommates take good care of me, and I am annoyed to know that it is inconvenient for me to go out to play. Let me bring my guitar when there is no class every weekend, then push me to the school gate and put a bowl in front of the wheelchair. ...

14. My brother brought a beautiful girlfriend to the family, but my father was not happy at all. I asked why, and my dad smoked a cigarette and said, I asked, this girl graduated from college and is not nearsighted, which means that her brain is not bad and she is not blind! Your brother must have rented it back and tried to trick me into not spending it. ...