Seek absolutely wonderful football jokes

1. A group of people are watching the World Cup. Suddenly a woman asked, "Alas, why doesn't the China team have foreign aid?"

2. The reporter asked Bader, the football coach of the University of Oklahoma, what contribution does football make to physical exercise?

"Absolutely not." Bud answered immediately.

"Absolutely not?" The surprised reporter asked, "Why?"

"Football is that 22 people who need to rest are running hard on the court, while 40,000 people who need to exercise are sitting and watching."

The goalkeeper is good at oral skills.

The defender made a mistake and the opponent's striker was single-handed. The audience is nervous! ! !

The goalkeeper used his quick wits to whistle.

The striker thinks it's offside. Stop. The goalkeeper was overjoyed.

Then the defender picked up the ball and wanted to serve a free kick.

The referee blew his whistle.

The defender handball in the restricted area and was sentenced to death.

One day, during the World Cup, there were countless male and female fans in a bar.

When the court was deadlocked, the TV camera turned and aimed at the two coaches outside the court. I saw two coaches emotionally directing the players on the field.

Then I heard a MM voice: "Why are these two fans so excited?"

5. The youth football team of country X recently defeated South Korea with 1: 0, and took the lead in ending the fear of South Korea. Afterwards, the coach revealed that the psychological training method that lasted for more than a year finally had an effect, and the three Korean hostages who had been detained and beaten for a long time were expected to see the light of day as soon as possible.

6. The head coaches of three national football teams in Japan, South Korea and China went to see God, and the Japanese team asked when they could win the World Cup.

God said that thirty years later, the Japanese head coach cried and said that he couldn't wait. South Korea asked when it would win the World Cup.

God said it would take 50 years, and the South Korean head coach cried and said he couldn't wait. When will China win the World Cup?

God wanted to cry and said, "I can't wait."

7. A football fan boasted to his girlfriend with great interest: "For football, we should have the same efforts as lovers. It's great that a pair of feet can stick to a football like candy. "

Girlfriend: "well, just kick it away." It's amazing. "

In the first half of the football match, the team lost badly and most of the audience left.

The second half of the game is about to begin. The coach encouraged the players to say, "Come on, guys, the next game is extremely beneficial to us, because our audience has already left."

9. Dream of a football match

Teacher, I am really sorry that I am late again. This is because I dreamed of a football match.

What does this have to do with being late? Xiao Ming, please explain.

Teacher, you don't know, the football match I dreamed was extremely fierce. They were tied up and postponed.

It has been a long time.

10, penalty points are difficult.

At the penalty kick, the captain of the green team set the ball at the penalty line, but the goalkeeper of the red team refused to go to the goal to guard it. The referee asked him why, and the goalkeeper replied, "I can't stay anyway, so let him in." No matter how persuaded by the referee, the goalkeeper just won't go. The referee was angry, blew a whistle and ordered the captain of the green team: "Leave him alone, you kick yours." But the captain of the green team was embarrassed and said, "I can't play without him standing there."

1 1. Is there a problem?

The green team coach led a group of players abroad to learn the training methods of the red team. Members of the Green Team visited the Red Team's competition venue and dormitory, learned about their living conditions, tasted delicious meals, and invited the Red Team coach to talk about the importance of mutual cooperation, the use of various tactics and how to practice accurate shooting techniques.

After the study, the green team returned to their base and started new training according to the setting of the red team. But a few months passed, and I didn't win a game or even score half a goal. The coach of the green team had to invite the coach of the red team and let him check the training situation of the green team to see what he could not do. The coach of the red team observed the green team for a month and finally concluded: "Your players are not interested in scoring goals."

12, defense strategy

There is a football team organized by tall and fat people. Afraid of losing, when the other side attacked, the fat people quickly stood in a row at the goal gate, blocking the goal so tightly that no matter how the other side kicked, they couldn't get in. The other players had no choice but to stand outside the goal and patiently persuade the fat man to say, "Big Brother, how can you score goals when you are all standing here?" The fat man casually said, "You can go to the opposite side and score goals. There are few people there. "

13, football popularization

A fan is watching the World Cup football match at home. He shouted "good ball" at one moment and cursed "smelly ball" at another, which made him very excited. His wife was attracted and asked, "What is a good shot?" The fans explained: "A good game means playing very well." "What is a smelly ball?" "Stinky ball means kicking a thief." "What is handball?" The fans are impatient: "Are you stupid? Handball is when the hand touches the ball. " "Then what is a corner kick?" Fans are on fire: "Idiot! I don't even understand this. A corner kick is when your foot touches the ball! "

14, sorry

The right forward of the red team broke through with the ball and was suddenly shoveled from behind by the green team defender. The green team member said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." The red team's right striker got the ball again and was about to go forward, but suddenly he was shoveled from behind by the green team defender. The green team member added, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." When the right striker of the red team took the ball for the third time, he deliberately looked back. He found the green team members pouncing on him like hungry wolves and shouted, "I'm sorry ..."

15, unable to rule.

Two players, one red and one green, grabbed the ball near the touchline. I don't know who knocked the ball off the sideline. The assistant referee said that the red team was eliminated and the referee thought that the green team was eliminated. After discussion for a while, the referee called the red and green players together, took out a coin and threw it into the air, then caught it and said, "The side with words was knocked down by the red team, and the side with heads was knocked down by the green team. Guess which side? " The two players thought about it and replied in unison, "I can't guess."

16, Football/Crosstalk

Before the game, in order to relieve the nervousness of football players, the leaders invited famous crosstalk performers to tell us crosstalk. After the performance, the leader will make a summary in two sentences as usual. The leader said: "Don't have pressure, don't have ideological burden, just relax. In this respect, you should learn from crosstalk performers. They are not nervous when they speak cross talk on stage. Take your time, there is no burden anyway. Isn't it? "

17, willing to "agree"

Both Party A and Party B said that they knew football and could predict whether the game would win or lose, so they began to gamble. Each of them took out fifty dollars. If the red team won, all the money went to A, if the green team won, all the money went to B, and if the game was tied, the money was saved and added to the next bet. After the discussion, the two men came to the stadium and the game had already started. The ox came forward and asked A, "Do you want a ticket? Cheap. " A pointed to B and said, "Ask him." The ox turned to B: "Do you want a ticket? Cheap. " B shook his head and said, "Don't give it for nothing. What's the score now? "

18, foresight

There is a new football team participating in the World Cup qualifiers. When they arrived, two football players A and B were arranged to have a rest in a room. A always snores and farts when sleeping. B couldn't stand it anymore and said to A, "You ask too many questions. It is strange that you don't lose with you. " A said, "No way. I didn't arrange it. " B said, "Can't these bad habits be changed?" A said, "Why bother? I will go home as soon as I am eliminated tomorrow. Then everyone will call us smelly feet. Who cares if you snore and fart? "

19, windfall

This is the last few seconds of a football match. After the corner kick was issued, the captain of the red team jumped out of the crowd and kicked the ball into the opponent's door with his body. One to zero, the red team won. The audience cheered together, and the members of the red team gathered around, hugged their captain and praised them again and again: "Great! You are great! " The captain of the red team pushed away his companions hard and glared at them. "Who pushed me out, you bastard?"