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Funny speech script opening lines

Selected humorous speech opening lines

A humorous opening can make everyone smile and relax the atmosphere of the entire scene. Below are the opening lines of humorous speech scripts that I compiled. You are welcome to read and refer to them. I hope they can help you.

Humorous Speech Opening Lines 1

As a speaker, you have to learn that there are only two complaints from the audience: one is that I speak too loudly and they can’t sleep. ;The second is that I talked for too long and they couldn’t stay awake.

Innovative sentence: Either you sleep or you don’t sleep. As long as you don’t snore, I will continue talking.

As a speaker, his speeches are always compared to Lincoln's Goldberg Address [a famous speech]. When he finished his speech, there was sadness, tears and grief too - especially by design.

Humorous note: The speaker spoke so poorly that the organizer cried very sadly.

At the end of your speech, the host of the banquet thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule? You calmly nod and smile gracefully, knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is to drink coffee after breakfast.

Humorous note: Some veteran cadres have nothing to do after retirement. When someone invites them to participate in some activities, they pretend to be very busy, as if they have put aside a lot of things before rushing there.

I used to be nervous when I gave talks, but then I saw a message that said it would help if you imagined the entire audience was naked. At this moment, I am standing here imagining that the audience are all naked, and it really works. I am no longer nervous, but my eyes are a little tired.

Humorous note: Imagine the audience as naked, which means I am not afraid of you, so I will not be nervous.

Innovative sentence: Most people feel a little nervous when standing on the podium. I belong to a small group of people, and I am very nervous.

I’m not conceited myself? I can’t tell you how much I admire that about me.

Humorous sentence: He became very proud because he was not conceited.

Innovative sentence: I am not conceited at all, and I hope others see me the same way.

I will give my speech in simple and clear English first, and then I will translate it to the lawyer.

Humorous note: Lawyers always like to use complicated language, and even simple words are incomprehensible.

Innovative sentences: There are three versions of my speech, the primary school student version, the middle school student version, and the college student version. Do you listen to the first-year primary school version or the second-year primary school version?

If You've heard this story, please don't interrupt me, I know this story.

Humorous note: Even if you know two stories, you can say the same before telling the story.

Innovative sentence: Let me tell you a joke. If you have heard it and wish to pretend you haven’t, I will take care of you in the same way.

Speech is like watering a lawn. If a quarter of the water seeps in, you will be satisfied.

Humorous note: Some people snore and some people talk, these are normal. A quarter of the audience can listen.

We have some similarities at the beginning of the speech. You don’t know what I’m going to talk about? I don’t know either.

Humorous sentences: the opening remarks of impromptu speeches.

Innovative sentences: I don’t know if you will like my speech, I don’t know what I want to say.

Before I start, I want to tell you that the speech below has been edited into a TV program. I will speak 20 minutes less now, and we can get home in time to watch the program on Channel 2.

Humorous note: I didn’t watch it live, but decided to go home and watch it on TV.

Some of you may know that I'm here tonight for two reasons. The first reason is that your planning committee has been trying to find a smart, funny, sophisticated speaker, and they found it. . The second reason was that the man was sick, so he called me.

Humorous note: At first it seemed like he was saying he was awesome, but in fact he was just a temporary substitute.

Innovative sentence: I think my speech is very funny, but why no one laughs?

Some people have stage fright, but I don’t; the stage doesn’t affect me, it’s the audience who is frightened Scares me to death!

Humor note: stage fright, not stage fright in me.

Every one of us hopes to turn the clock back at some point. If I could turn the clock back 45 minutes, I would be the happiest person in the room. I left my speech on the kitchen table.

Humorous note: I was still practicing hard before I went on stage. I left my speech at home. I hope the audience will forgive me if I made a mistake.

I don’t want to brag, but the last time I spoke the entire audience stood up and they didn’t sit down again until they got to their cars.

Humorous note: After listening to his speech, the audience stood up and left, but he was still bragging.

Innovative sentences: I spoke at a gentle speed during my speech, and the audience slept soundly. Teacher Speech Opening Example 2

A humorous opening can make people sleep soundly. Everyone smiled knowingly and relaxed the atmosphere of the whole scene. The humorous opening can be chosen according to different scenes and different audiences.

Sorry, everyone, you have come to the wrong place. Today’s speech has been cancelled. I think we don’t need any speeches. What we need is sincere communication. So, our sincere communication will begin today. . (As soon as I came on stage, I told the audience that today’s speech was cancelled. Everyone would be very surprised, and then think about what happened? At this time, the audience’s attention was all attracted to the speaker, and then the speaker began to say:? We are here today. The sincere communication begins. ?The biggest advantage of this method is that it can quickly grab the audience's attention. )

?Friends, some people are really wise and opportunistic. There is a method! There is a "Inscription on Secrets" which tells us: The position is not high, but the tip of the head is smart; the official position is not high, the hands are long; this is the secret, I only work in the camp; hold the thick leg against the upper one, and use it against the lower one. Private: bragging brings good luck, flattering a horse without touching a finger, opening the back door and establishing friendship. There is no cell of justice, no criterion of principle, tobacco and alcohol can clear the way, and money can communicate with the gods. Confucius said: What is so contemptible?

My surname is Hu, so what I say next is nonsense. You should not take it seriously. (Disclaimer before speaking in informal situations) My surname is Gu. Today is evening. There is such a thing in the sky. A little moonlight becomes nonsense when you are with me, so what I say may be nonsense, don't care about it!

Ladies and Gentlemen, please invite me to shine on the stage, I like my invitation very much Applause, you like me too much, don’t applaud, thank you for your cooperation?

This opening speech left a very frank, humorous and good impression on people. Soon, at the "Golden Microphone Night" literary evening, I saw him with a smile on his face and said to the audience: "I am very happy to see you again, but unfortunately I see you again." Teacher's Speech Opening Statement Sample 3

Dear teachers and students:

Hello everyone! The title of my speech is "Inspiring Success Starts with Faith." Let me tell you a story first.

In a dense jungle in Africa, four skinny men were walking, carrying a heavy box and staggering forward in the dense forest. They followed the captain into the jungle for an adventure. However, when the mission was about to be completed, the captain fell ill and unfortunately fell asleep in the jungle.

Before his death, the captain entrusted them with the box he made by himself, and said very sincerely: If you can deliver this box to my friends, you will get something more precious than gold. ?

After burying the captain, they carried the box and set off on the road. The road became increasingly difficult and their strength became less and less, but they still mustered up the energy to move forward. Finally one day, the green barrier suddenly opened. After all the hardships, they finally walked out of the jungle and found the captain's friend, but the friend said: "I have nothing!"

So, When they opened the box, they saw it was a pile of useless wood! Just like this story, it seemed that the captain gave them a box of useless wood, but in fact, he gave them a purpose for their actions and enabled them to obtain something more valuable than gold. Stuff? Life. This story enlightens us that we must have a clear purpose and goal in learning and doing anything.

A deaf-mute person danced the beautiful Thousand-Armed Guanyin, a blind person climbed Mount Everest, and his legs and lower limbs were amputated and he flew a plane back to the sky? Many things that are difficult for normal people to do, these are People with disabilities have turned them into reality. This can't help but surprise people, and they are even more moved by their tenacity and never-giving spirit. The main reason for their success is that they have the belief to win and work towards their goals. never give up.

Your guide for action is the catalyst for you to tap into and utilize the potential within your body.

If you think you are outstanding, you will really be outstanding; if you imagine being small, you will fall behind others; if you imagine being brave, you will really be fearless; if you Imagine glory and you will become great.

Because when you warm up your mind before taking action, imagine every detail of what you want to do, sort out your thoughts, and then remember them deeply in your mind, you will be more comfortable when you take action. Cope with ease. Humorous Speech Notes: Students, motivation must have clear goals, and the realization of goals requires the belief in success. From now on, let them become reality in your imagination? Feel them, experience them, and believe in them. I believe you will see them finally become a reality in the near future.

My speech is over, thank you all!