Selected 300 words of humorous jokes

Many people are popular because they can explain some phenomena in life in a humorous way. Therefore, you will find that the reason why humorous jokes are widely recognized by everyone is because these sentences always make people laugh. It's an astonishing statement. Next is the "Selected 300 Words of Humorous Jokes" that I carefully prepared for you, welcome to watch! Selected 300 Words of Humorous Jokes (Popular)

1. The second best sentence in English in the world, There is nothing better than? From 1:58 to 2:02?, please read aloud: two to two to two two. (@ the number one most engaged in history)

2. Several people are talking about Su Dongpo. Xiao Wang said: "I love Dongpo's poems." ?Old Li said: ?I like Dongpo's poems. ?At this time, Lao Li's wife came and said, ?I like it too. After hearing this, Lao Li said: "She loves Dongpo pork the most!"

3. At dinner, the husband complained that the food cooked by his wife was too unpalatable. The wife said: "You are married to a wife, not a chef!" When going to bed at night, the wife said: "There is a strange noise upstairs, go up and have a look." ?The husband said:?You are marrying your husband, not a policeman!?

4. A new sculpture was built in a school: a girl holds a book in her right hand and a white dove in her left hand. The school leaders openly solicited names from the students on campus, and there was an endless stream of responses. The names collected were all kinds of things, but one of them was the most popular? Reading is a waste!!!

5 On the way to Xi'an for a business trip, a Dalian man raved about how great Dalian is, and then said that Dalian held a grand celebration on the 100th anniversary of the founding of the city. Then he asked the person next to him: "The 100th anniversary of the founding of the city of Xi'an" Are there any celebrations for the anniversary? Several Xi'an buddies nearby were stunned, and after a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember that when Xi'an was founded 600 years ago, there was a "Fenghuo Opera on the Princes", right?

6. I went to the grave yesterday and went to work today. My mood is getting heavier day by day...

7. Girls from the acting department are not allowed to marry: you don’t know whether you are living or acting . Photography Department: Turn on the search light while you sleep and take a set of the most unique photos for you. Art Department: You are required to be a nude model every day. Department of Economics: She will squeeze every penny out of you. Department of Chemistry: Be careful that sulfuric acid will disfigure you during an argument. Political and Legal Department: She can't handle the division of property in divorce. Department of Physics: I heard they were the ones responsible for connecting wires to the toilet and killing people. (@ The most famous person in history)

8. I know a horoscope writer. Every week, more than a dozen newspapers publish her fortune for the week. She can get a fortune every month just by relying on this. The income is at least 30,000 yuan, and each fortune only takes half an hour to write, which is extremely cost-effective. (@Tumoto)

9. He was dumped by his girlfriend six years ago because his job was unstable. He was dumped by his girlfriend five years ago because he didn't have a house. He was dumped by his girlfriend four years ago because he didn't have a car. He was dumped by his girlfriend three years ago because of his poor taste in clothing. He was dumped by his girlfriend two years ago because he didn't know how to do housework. He was dumped by his girlfriend a year ago because he was not gentle. This year he is handsome, wealthy, has a house and a car, is gentle, considerate, and does everything in housework, but he was still dumped. Because no one believes that he is not GAY.

10. There is an embarrassing mistake in the British Royal Wedding stamps issued in New Zealand. The center line of one stamp happens to separate Prince William and future Princess Kate Middleton. The $5.80 stamp can be split in the middle and used as two stamps. The half with Middleton's face is worth $2.40, and the half with Prince William's face is worth $3.40. The design makes you enjoy the moment when you tear off the stamp. A selection of 300 words of humorous jokes (classics)

1. If you reject me, then I will lie on the train. ?Then let me think about it again. It’s still early for the last train to arrive at the station today!?

2. Salary pressure comes from: former colleagues, old classmates, ex-girlfriend’s current boyfriend, The ex-boyfriend of the current girlfriend, the boyfriend of the current girlfriend’s best friend, and the children of parents’ friends.

?The Law of Stress in Modern Life (@微博 sarcastic jokes)

3. A man could never find a job because he was short! One day, the man came home and excitedly said to his wife: ?I found it Got a job!? My wife was overjoyed and asked: ?Great, what kind of job? The man said: ?Selling properties! The boss said that when I went to the room, the house looked much bigger!? (@中文字幕王)

4. A company in Graubünden, Switzerland, invented a new technology: turning ashes into diamonds. From now on, the ashes of the deceased no longer need to be placed in an urn and buried in the ground, but can be worn on the finger to accompany them forever. The processing process is to first purify the ashes and then use a compressor to turn them into gemstones under ultra-high temperature and ultra-high pressure conditions. Turn your lover's ashes into a ring and wear it on your ring finger. Let love accompany you throughout your life and never be separated. . . . . (@爱家人)

5. Once upon a time, there was a bean. His wife cheated on him and he became a mung bean. One day he committed suicide and jumped off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into a red bean; The pus kept flowing, and turned into soybeans; the wound became scarred, and finally turned into black beans; after surviving the catastrophe, he had a profound enlightenment, joined the AV industry, and became Maodou; later, he saw through the world, resolutely came out, and finally became a gay (pea) )Dou?

6. A female nanny has killed more than ten people. Why did a foreigner who did not believe in evil marry her and not die? ---Nike

7 .A businessman went abroad on a business trip and took the opportunity to watch a striptease show in the evening. When he returned to the hotel, he found that his eyes hurt. I went to the hospital the next day and told the doctor about my condition. Doctor: No need to prescribe medicine, but remember to blink next time you have a similar situation. ?

8. If I have one more day of class and then three days of vacation, doesn’t it mean I don’t have any vacation at all? > 9. Monthly salary of 2k, responsible for attendance rate; 5k, responsible for on-time completion rate; 8k, responsible for quality; 12k, responsible for the mood of the small team; 16k, responsible for the payment rate; 20k, thinking about how to keep the money Own your own job; 40k, keep the department; 100k, keep most departments; 100k+, consider how to create opportunities for people to survive; 500k, optimize the field.

10. Buy a watch with your wife. My wife chose a small and elegant imported high-end watch, which cost more than a thousand yuan. I quickly advised her: "The hands of this watch are too thin, and your eyesight is not good." My wife interrupted me, "As long as other people's eyesight is good!" A selection of 300 words of humorous jokes (selected articles)

< p>　1. One day, my husband came home from work early. As soon as he entered the room, he saw his wife lying naked on the bed. The husband asked: "Why are you not wearing any clothes?" The wife replied: "I have nothing to wear!" Husband: "Didn't you just go to the department store yesterday?" The husband opened the closet while talking, flipping through the clothes and said: "?" Bought a bunch of clothes, shoes, pants, socks? Oh my god! You even bought the male clerk

2. A colleague of mine came to work with a black nose and swollen eyes. I asked him what was wrong? He said : Yesterday I was at my girlfriend’s house and I was going to kiss my girlfriend. She said no, her aunt is here! I wondered: What does kissing have to do with my aunt? My colleague said: I thought so too, so I kissed my girlfriend forcefully. As a result, a woman broke in and yelled at me when she saw me, saying why did I bully her niece...? (@ Instantly amused you)

3. The fiancée asked in a low voice: ?Dear! Will you still love me as you do now after marriage? The fiancé thought about it carefully and said: ?Of course, I like married women best. ?

4. Baidu blushed, and the veins on his forehead popped out, and argued, "Stealing books cannot be considered stealing? Stealing books!" Can IT people's affairs be considered stealing? There were words that were difficult to understand one after another, such as what? Safe haven?, what? Bottom line?, etc., which caused everyone to burst into laughter.

5. There is a piece of land called China. When you are alive, you can only live on it for 70 years. When you die, you can only lie down on it for 20 years.

6. Once, the husband was serving rice to his wife. The clumsy husband accidentally broke a bowl. He said embarrassedly: "I didn't expect an earthquake!" As he said that, the husband picked up another bowl. The bowl, however, slipped to the ground again.

At this time, the husband blushed and murmured: Why are there still aftershocks!?

7. If you kiss a woman and your heartbeat reaches 250, it must be your first kiss. If you kiss a woman and her heart rate reaches 180, it must be an affair. If you kiss a woman and your heart beats up to 120, it's definitely love. If you kiss a woman and her heart rate reaches 80, it must be your wife. If you kiss a woman and your heart rate reaches 30, it must be Sister Feng. If you kiss a woman and your heartbeat reaches 0, it is definitely a myocardial infarction. (@ lustful life)

8. The kidneys of the four virtual bosses, the official manuscripts, the tears of the young lady, and the tables of the Bureau of Statistics. The wife of the four wealthy men, the boss's money, the laid-off employee, and the researcher. The four great intellectuals didn’t know about the official school until they got to Beijing, they didn’t know about the low-level house until they got to Shanghai, they didn’t know about the lack of money until they got to Shenzhen, and they didn’t know that their wives were too old until they got to the private room. The Big Four? Can’t say? The bull market was trapped, Xiaomi was cheated, the stolen money was stolen, and Viagra failed.

9. The confused brother who became popular on the Internet these days with the buck-toothed brother finally appeared in person. He seemed to have turned from confused to depressed. (ps: Voiceover, some people want to be famous, but they are worried about it; some people don’t want to be popular, but they are famous, and they are also worried about it. Summary: Living is a kind of worry in itself, and your task is to let it go Become less distressed, this may be the meaning of life) (@ the most funny in history @ cold joke selection)