What cold jokes have you heard that make people choke with laughter?

As a person who has been wandering on the Internet for many years, I certainly want to share a wave of my own possession with you when I encounter this kind of problem.

1. I met my ex-girlfriend on the road one day, and I pretended not to see her on the phone. She came up to me and said, "You pretended to call again." I asked her, "How did you know I pretended to call?" "Every time you pretend to make a phone call, you put your thumb in your ear and your little finger in your mouth."

2. Pikachu stands up, Picard.

3. The sewer was depressed one day. It said I couldn't figure it out, so it was blocked.

4. Once upon a time, there was a man named Xiao Ming, but Xiao Ming didn't hear him.

5. Facing the fruit knife in the gangster's hand, experienced police officer Wang was prepared and took out the fruit calmly.

6. Police officer Wang cooperated with his police dog for many years, and finished the sauce elbow in the canteen in less than half an hour.

7. This cold-faced killer ate 16 bowls of cold noodles in one breath.

8. The wife told her husband that your face was red and beautiful. He was in tears after hearing it, and excitedly said to her, Don't you dare slap me again.

9. In order to gain the trust of the boss, police officer Wang helped the boss catch an undercover on the first day of undercover gang.

1. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang. One day, Ah Shuang died. At the funeral, the family cried and shouted, "Cool, cool." Everyone asked, "What are you cool about?" . Then, his family told him that it was awesome, awesome.

2. Xiaoming tells Xiaohong a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch. . 。” "What about below?" "below? There is nothing below "

3. Once upon a time, a man walked in the street and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot, so he said" I am sorry "and the foreigner politely replied" I am sorry,too ".The man was anxious and quickly replied" I am sorry three "and asked" Are you sorry four? " The man had no choice but to say "I am sorry five"

4. Friends went climbing together. When they reached the top of the mountain, a girl shouted to the beautiful mountains and rivers: Motherland! My mother! A boy who secretly loves her quickly shouted: motherland! My mother-in-law

5. A boy gave a friend a nickname, called Fat Pig. The girl cried to the teacher, and the teacher promised to criticize the boy. The next day, the teacher said in class, "A boy is too rude to give others a nickname casually. Can't others call him whatever he looks like?"

6. If you compare the red flag to your mother, every Monday when the flag is raised, you should watch your mother float in the air

1. Stealing Fish

Once upon a time, there was a farmer who had a pond at home and kept fish in it. The farmer was afraid of being stolen, so he asked a carpenter to make a cabin for vigil.

The cabin is open on one side, with walls on three sides. The open side faces the shore and the back faces the pond, so it can guard the pond and is convenient to enter and exit.

a group of young people, who were hungry for fish, wanted to steal fish, which made the farmers cling to the fish pond day and night, unable to start. One day, they finally thought of a way to invite six people. Four people lift the bed and turn around, and two people fish with nets.

The farmer heard the sound of net fish in his dream, got up in a hurry, sprang forward and fell into the pond. Once upon a time, there was a rich man who had a housekeeper. No matter what he bought, he asked the store to give him some. Buy a catty of meat and ask the store to send a bone; When you buy a packet of salt, you should grab some more. Over time, people gave him a nickname: "Give a little".

The rich man's father died and asked him to "send some" to buy a coffin. When I sent some to the coffin shop, I saw a good coffin, which was just right. The two sides bargained and set the price to pay, but suddenly I saw a small coffin.

"Send some" demanded: "Shopkeeper, buy the big one and send the small one".

The store said, "You should buy a big coffin and give a small coffin, which is for children.".

"My boss has a little boy".

The shopkeeper thought: This family is also very poor. The old one died and the young one died, so he reluctantly gave a small coffin.

I was very happy to give you a little, thinking that I would make a lot of money this time. I hurried back and reported to the rich man, "Sir, Sir, I bought a big one and gave you a small one."

hearing this, the rich man said, "Call, somebody! Send some out! "

Thank you for your invitation. Let me share some cold and funny jokes.

1. My wife broke up with me when she saw me playing LOL all day, saying that she should choose her or LOL. It's so hard to choose! Everybody give me an idea, what should I wear for a single pair of Yasuo?

2. My wife always thinks I'm naive. Just in the car, she talked about it again. I was a little unhappy and scolded, "Is it over?" Driving, don't mess with me, what if there is an accident! " She seemed to know that she was wrong and bowed her head in silence. I couldn't bear it, so I changed the subject: "Give me some more coins. This Pleasant Goat is not as easy to drive as that Big Big Big Wolf."

3. When I was a child, I studied very well. Once I failed in the math exam, I was called to the podium by the teacher to criticize me by name. The more the teacher said, the more excited she became. I raised my hand to hit me, and I slapped her with my brain ...

4. On the bus, the two girls cursed for some reason, and then they started to pull me off ... Unexpectedly, there was no one in the whole car ... I got off at the station.

5. Now it's popular to bask in the beauty of his wife. To tell you the truth, it's no good to have a beautiful wife. Xu Xian married a beautiful lady white snake, and as a result, he became a Taoist priest. Zhou Yu married a beautiful Xiao Qiao, but he died young ... On the contrary, Qi Xuanwang married an ugly and salt-free woman, which made him think highly of Qi, and Zhuge Liang married an ugly Huang Yueying, becoming a generation of wise men. . . According to this line of reasoning, whoever marries me may be the Secretary-General of the United Nations!

Welcome to pay attention and send happiness every day.