Need classic jokes badly! The colder the better!

Primary school students understand the word "milk". The teacher explained to the children that "milk" means "small". For example, "suckling pig" is "piglet" and "squab" is "little pigeon". Teacher: Xiao Ming, please make a sentence with the word "milk". Xiao Ming: My family's economic conditions are not very good. I can only live with 4 square meters of breasts. Teacher: (I'm dizzy) ... This one won't work. Change it. Xiaoming: I jump over a cleavage in front of my house every day when I go to school. Teacher: ... No, change another one. Xiao Ming: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… I want to burst my nipples. The teacher really fainted. . . . . . Second, then a classic: Beating a Bear Once upon a time, there was a young man in a mountainous area whose family was so poor that he couldn't even eat. He heard that there was a bear-hunting hunter in the mountainous area who could hunt several bears a year. He decided to learn to practice bear hunting. When he arrived at the hunter's house, the hunter was a little old man. He said that the unique skill of beating bears would not be spread, so he told the young man to go back. The young man begged and said that there was really no food at home. If you don't help me, my family will starve to death. When the old hunter saw it, the young man was quite honest. "All right, accept your apprentice", so the young man learned from the teacher. How to hit a bear? The old hunter began to talk. "Actually, it's very simple to hit a bear. In winter, you go into the mountains. When you find a big cave in the mountains, you shout: Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~, and you will hear Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~, you pick up a gun and hit it, and the bear will fall. You go in and drag the bear out. The young man was very happy and asked, "Why is this?" The old hunter said, "In winter, bears hibernate in caves. When you shout outside, the bear thinks it's a companion outside, and when he is happy, he stands up in the cave. When you shoot, you can kill him." Hearing this, the young man makes sense! In a blink of an eye, winter arrived, and the young man was ready to go bear hunting. On the day of parting from the old hunter, he said to the old hunter, "Master, I'm going into the mountains, and I'll definitely hit a big bear. I'll honor you when I come back." The old hunter was very happy and said, "well, you will succeed. Let's go!" " In this way, the young man went into the mountain alone. Suddenly spring came, and the young man never went back to the old hunter's house. The old hunter thought, this boy is superficial and secretive. He hit the bear and ran away. It's really nothing. It happened that one day, the old hunter saw the young man in the market, limping along with crutches and his arm broken and bandaged. When the old hunter saw him, he got angry: "You young man, you forgot me after hitting the bear?" What are you? ！” Unexpectedly, the young man was even more angry: "You bad old man, what kind of broken method did you teach me?" Look, I am so miserable. " The old hunter looked at it and felt puzzled. He asked, "What happened to the bear-beating method I taught you? Tell me how you beat the bear." The young man began to speak: "in winter, I will go into the mountains without you." I found a big cave, so I called out to it: "Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~", and I heard it calling out: "Woo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Yes, yes," said the old hunter. "You shoot." The young man's face was full of regret and said, "Shit, before I shot, a train left from inside. . . 。” 1. Push me again, and I'll play dead for you! 2. Don't thank me, how dare I charge you money after thanking you! 3. Do you drink water, drink water or drink water? Take your pick! If you can't reach it, try stepping on your right foot with your left foot. 5. A woman without talent is virtue. I think I must be too wicked. 6. The cashier said there was no change. Here are two plastic bags for you! 7. There are so many people who despise me. Who are you? 8. Give it to me and you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong! 9. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person ... 1. I think I haven't eaten chicken for a long time ... Why else did I see a feather duster yesterday-I was a little excited? 11. If you ignore me, I will become a dog! 12. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive and he should have died! 13. You said ... you like me? Actually ... I started ... actually, I also ... well, I told you, in fact, I liked myself. 14. Hey, I should say what I should, and I shouldn't say it in a low voice. 15. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital! 16. Don't think I'm out of reach just because I'm handsome. In fact, I'm a sea of rivers. 17. It's a nice day today, windy and rainy. 18. As a typical failure, you are really successful! 19. In this golden autumn with red leaves and maple leaves ... 2. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow! 21. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. If you owe money, you have to pay it back! 22. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandchildren. 23. How much are these shoes? 24. I was really blind at the beginning ... 25. Is this blind man blind? 26. I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets! 27, don't talk to me about feelings, it hurts money! 28. Although you are wearing cologne, I can still vaguely smell scum. 29. I have gained weight recently. When I play * *, I smile and my face will touch the hang-up button. 3. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary. 31. I skipped classes too much. I wanted to go to class yesterday. When I met the professor, the professor was surprised to say that I haven't seen you for such a long time and I have grown so big. 32. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, that person still dismissed me. 33. Say that money is a sin, and everyone is fishing; Say that beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the heights are too cold, and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go! 34. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated. 35. Spring is a season of colds and high emotions. Someone accidentally caught a cold and someone accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former. I was also an infatuated seed, but it rained and drowned. 36. When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, the mirror is even. 37. There is no rehearsal in life, and it is broadcast live every day. Not only is the ratings low, but the salary is not high. 38. Who said that crows in the world are generally black? In fact, one is darker than the other! 39. People have plenty of backgrounds, but I only have my back. 4. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and all those without backstage were killed by a stick.