Kneel for classic short jokes

Kneel for the classic short joke 1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier!

2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me.

Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, what, you spit out your shell after eating fart? !

One day, 0 and 8 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. What belt are you wearing?

5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city, but she didn't meet it for a long time. She had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead, where is the mother toilet?

6. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat grades are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students", and those who doze off in class are called "poor students".

7. An American called Bush a stupid pig in front of the White House, and was immediately arrested for revealing state secrets.

The thief stole a chicken and plucked its hair by the river. When the police passed by, the thief threw the chicken into the river and explained to the police: This chicken is swimming, and I help it look after its clothes.

9. The tortoise said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" "Nonsense" "Really, they made soup from my bath water just now."

10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine!

1 1. A leader made a report: "Now men and women are equal, lesbians stand up ..." All the lesbians present stood up and waited for instructions. The leader turned over a page, which read: "Le"

Kneel for classic jokes! Bedroom toilet

There are six rich people, a Japanese, a Russian, a French, a Norwegian, a German and an American.

They go shopping together. Being rich, they have little to buy. Only those strange things can attract their attention. It happened that the mall was hyping the art toilet that had just entered, and all six rich people stopped to watch it.

After reading it for a while, one of them suggested, "This novel toilet is really unusual. How about buying one to try? " Because everyone is rich, and no one wants to fall behind, everyone is going to buy one.

The Japanese love cleanliness, so they bought a "super sanitary toilet"; Russians like things with texture, so they bought a "granite toilet"; The French value art, so they bought a "painted toilet"; Norwegians like wood products, so they bought a "pure wooden toilet"; Germans advocate high technology, so they bought a "computer-controlled toilet"; Americans pay more attention to freedom and relaxation, so they bought a "music toilet".

Six people happily carried the toilet home.

A month later, six people got together again at a business meeting. In the process of chatting, the topic unconsciously turned to the toilet they bought last time.

The Japanese were filled with indignation and spoke first: "I returned the damn super sanitary toilet." The instructions say that the toilet will be automatically disinfected after each use, and the toilet seat will be covered with plastic film and sprayed with the words "disinfected, please feel free to use". But now the program is all messed up, and before I stand up, it starts spraying plastic film on me! I wrote' disinfected, please feel free to use it' on * * *! "

The Russian then complained: "Damn granite toilet, I also returned it. These people polished the granite so smoothly that they slipped and fell several times as soon as they sat on it. It's inconvenient, but it is said that * * * is blue. "

The Frenchman didn't want to fall behind. He scolded, "I also returned the damn painted toilet. The printing quality of painted toilets is so poor that it always fades. Now the pictures on the toilet seat are all up! "

The Norwegian also flew into a rage: "damn wooden toilet, I also returned it!" What qualities? I don't know if it was inspected before leaving the factory. I also said that it is completely managed according to ISO9000. It's convenient for me to gather together, full of * * * wood residue! "

The Germans couldn't bear it at this moment: "The damn computer completely controls the toilet, and I want it back! I don't know what operating system to use, and it always crashes. Halfway through my speech, it began to shout:' Now the toilet computer crashed, please put on your pants and stand up, cover the toilet seat, cover the toilet seat, then open the toilet seat, open the toilet seat, then take off your pants and sit down again, and the toilet computer can be restarted. Thank you. The telephone number for technical support is 12345678. "Hum!"

Finally, it was the American's turn. He said angrily, "Damn music toilet, I can't do it unless I return it!" " It was originally said that it has 3000 songs, which can be played randomly at your convenience. As a result, nine times out of ten, the same song-home of the brave was played, which made me have to lift my pants and stand up to salute as soon as I sat down! "

Classic joke daquan: haha 360. /

1. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, he heard a woman training her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!

The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside until dawn and sighed, liar, women are liars!

2. A prisoner was shot. Because the bullet was inferior, the first shot was not fired, and then it was fired.

The second shot ... the third shot ... then the prisoner cried: eldest brother, strangle me, it's really fucking scary!

3. After watching the black 100 meter run, an old lady said with tears that she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot.

Shoot, shoot without aiming, the children are too scared to stop the rope!

Looking at the stars last night, I found that you made a lone star recently. The only solution is:

1) Go to the dormitory door 2) Handkerchief.

3) Hold the doorframe with your left hand 4) Throw a handkerchief with your right hand.

The spell is: come and play!

6. On your way to xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, you were besieged by a group of wild boars.

The tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved.

You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried, boss, we found you!

7. Mr. Huang loves the revolution. In order to commemorate the Red Army, he named his son "Jun".

One day, I sent my son to class and saw the No.8 bus stop.

So he shouted at his son: Huang Jun, run, the Eighth Route Army is coming! ~~~

8, cannibal father and son hunting, the son grabbed a thin man, the father said: put, no meat!

My son came back and caught a fat man. Father said, let go, too tired!

After a while, the son captured a beautiful woman, and the father said, take her back to eat your mother tonight!

9. A little bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer.

When the bear came to the mountain and met the tiger, he was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer and hit him on the head.

The tiger said: I didn't see it. Are you a bear or party member!

10, the wife asked her husband: Do you like my tenderness and loveliness? Or am I smart and beautiful?

Husband: I like your sense of humor!

1 1. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down.

Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck.

The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

12, farmers are carrying shit. The foreigner looked at it and asked, Grandpa, how much is this sauce?

The farmer didn't say anything, but the foreigner put some in his mouth and thought, if you don't tell me how much it is a catty,

I won't tell you that your sauce stinks!

A friend of mine went to the hospital because of a broken bone. The doctor asked him why he was broken. My friend said that there was sand in my shoe, so I took it off.

Take off your shoes and shake the sand in them with wire stalks. Someone thought I was electrocuted and gave me a stick. ......

13. A man was riding a bicycle at a gallop when he suddenly heard someone singing: gogogo, thinking: Shit, I want it too. I am very tired.

I fell into the ditch with a bang, and then the person next to me said, awesome, I tell you, I still ride!

14. A loving couple is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Watching the middle-aged neighbors ask the old students first:

"Why can maintain a happy and beautiful marriage for fifty years? I have never heard of your quarrel since I was born.

Voice, haven't there been any disputes between you? "The old man said," of course there is a dispute,no..

It won't swell. I learned this truth from my honeymoon trip ... I remember that the traffic was inconvenient and we went to the Grand Canyon.

Gu went on their honeymoon and each of them rented a donkey. Her donkey is obviously lazy, and it doesn't take long to walk.

Take a break. I only heard my wife say coldly, "The first time. When the donkey wanted to be lazy for the second time, she pointed again.

He hugged the donkey and said, "This is the second time. When the donkey refused to leave for the third time, she took her time to take out the rented things.

Pistol, shoot! The middle-aged neighbor said in surprise, "Your wife is so cruel!" Get old first.

The student said, "Isn't it? I don't think it's right to stop by the side of the road and accuse her. She didn't argue with me, but she was cold.

Whispered to me: "the first time."

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

I haven't heard from you for a long time, and I feel very distressed. I thought of death, and I cut my pulse with potato chips; Hit you on the head with tofu; Jump over buildings with parachutes; Noodles. Everyone can die. You can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has ever seen R kiss and climb a tree!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch! Agree 0| Comment

Father: Motherland! My mother. Son: Motherland! My grandmother. Father: No, you are wrong. Zi: How am I wrong? Isn't your mother my grandmother?

Kneel for classic jokes! Kneel down! Xiao Ming went to buy a car and asked for 654.38+ million. He only brought 99,998 yuan, so he found a beggar on the roadside and said, "Lend me 2 yuan money and I'll buy a car!" The beggar generously gave him 4 yuan and said, "You can buy one for me, too."