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Classic funny jokes

1. If you didn't receive an apple or a Christmas present on Christmas Eve, please don't feel sad or sad. Then there are New Year's Day, Spring Festival and Valentine's Day, and I get used to it.

I was carrying my girlfriend home last night, and she asked, Guess what I mean? I said, I don't know. Girlfriend said: it's a shame. Me: What's embarrassing, and no one saw it? ! My girlfriend said: I am a sheep.

Today, my wife quarreled with me and kept scolding me. I really can't stand it. I pointed at her angrily and shouted, "If I hadn't seen you beautiful, gentle, kind and lovely, I would have broken up with you!" " Scold her speechless!

4. Modern women

Sancong

Four virtues:

Obedience, never gentleness, never thoughtfulness, never reason;

Fourth, say no, fight no, scold no, and provoke no.

Husband: Wife, if one day, you find me cheating, will you divorce me? The wife replied faintly: no, I'd rather be widowed.

6. "Thank you for giving birth to me!" "What are you doing? How do you say this? " "Today is my birthday." "Oh, ha ha ha, you're welcome. This is just a joke. "

7. Banquet

Three tragedies: the person you want to invite didn't come, and the person who came has nothing to do with you, leaving you awake when you check out.

8. It's tiring to live. The so-called friends around me are all close to me for money. The most common sentence they say to me every day is: "When will I pay back the money?"

9. I have a bad temper, bad grades, bad temper, bad personality and bad looks. The only thing that can make me proud is: easy to digest!

10. When I'm not around, go home quickly after going out, and don't be too late. Seriously, someone has been stealing dogs recently. I'm afraid something will happen to you.

1 1. Teacher: "Multi-digit subtraction, when the low digits are not reduced enough, borrow from the high digits." The student raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, what should I do if I don't borrow high figures?" Teacher: "You go out."

12. How do you know you can't do it if you don't force yourself? Just like you asked me to carry a hundred kilograms of bricks, I can't afford it. You let me carry hundreds of pounds of bills, and I can not only carry them, but also run.

Thirteen. Being in love is like driving a car. When the car breaks down halfway, the novice will find someone to cry, and the old driver will put on the spare tire and go on the road.

14. Nothing can't be solved in one meal. If not, just two meals. If it really doesn't work, find one.

24-hour cafeteria, come out when you are happy.

15. When you are in love, let your boyfriend cook, wash dishes and make money. Girls should work harder, eat, drink and be merry, and buy in buy buy.

16. We tried it in bed, on the chair, on the sofa, in the kitchen, and even outside the security door, but it didn't help, and we couldn't connect to the next-door neighbor's Wi-Fi.

17. The most beautiful thing in the world is eating meat. Never betray, never cheat, eat a catty, grow a catty, and always treat each other sincerely.

Eighteen. "I have seen many football matches! I know everything about football. " "So tell me, how many holes are there in the football net?"

19. No job, no love, no makeup, no singing, no looks, no body and no financial strength. I have been thinking about a question: what has supported me to live for so many years?

two

10. Some people like your face, some people like your voice, some people like your personality, some people like your life, but I am different. I don't like you.

2 1. Passing an Internet cafe, I saw such a couplet. Part I: Play more, play less and play more. Bottom line: Come in early, come in late, come in sooner or later. Horizontal batch: Internet cafe.

22. I eat when I see other girls eating, buy when I see other girls buying, and ignore when I see other girls thin and beautiful.

23. The knives and forks used by foreigners to eat are simply weak, or our ancestors had the foresight to eat with chopsticks, so that we can free up one hand to play with our mobile phones when eating.

Only the weak will cry and beg him not to leave when they break up. We strong people all kneel on the ground and hold each other's thighs so that he can't move.

25. When I hate someone, if this person suddenly says that he likes me, then I don't hate each other at all. I am so principled because I can't hate a man with vision.