Spring Festival joke

Spring Festival couplets in the bath center!

The first part: eat what you should eat, drink what you should drink, and don't take it personally.

Bottom line: Take a bath and look at your watch. One second is very comfortable.

Horizontal batch: Just be happy!

Jie Jin vs Spring Festival couplets

Jie Jin was a good writer since he was a child. This year's Spring Festival, he posted a pair of Spring Festival couplets at the back door: "The door is against a thousand bamboo poles, and the family hides thousands of books." The staff across the hall was very unhappy, thinking that only a family like me deserved to post this couplet, so they ordered the servants to cut down the bamboo. Soon, the family came to report that Jie Jin's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is as short as a thousand bamboo poles, and parents save thousands of books." Mr. Yuan was very angry after hearing this, and let people dig out the bamboo roots. Unexpectedly, Xie Jia's Spring Festival couplets were changed to: "The door is short of bamboo, and there is thousands of books at home."

Ji Xiaolan Shi Chunlian

Ji Xiaolan was a college student in the Qing Dynasty. Once, he went home to visit relatives during the Spring Festival, and a family of three brothers in the village asked him to write Spring Festival couplets. He wrote a pair of "earth-shattering, one of the best" Spring Festival couplets and criticized "acting first". This is a terrible mistake. He was accused of cheating the monarch in the name of "offending". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this incident, he immediately called Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing to ask. Ji Xiaolan replied, "I wrote Spring Festival couplets correctly! Isn't this boss selling firecrackers an "earth-shattering portal"? The second child is in charge of the fair fight. Isn't screaming all day one of the best families? The third is to sell roast chicken, isn't it' cut first and then play'? " The words were dry, and the dragon smiled.

The whole family writes couplets together.

In ancient times, there was a family who was very superstitious and wanted to make good luck in everything. On New Year's Eve, my father's two sons discussed and said, "Put up a new Spring Festival couplets in the class. Now let's each say a few auspicious words and make a pair of Spring Festival couplets. " The two sons nodded in agreement. Father stroked his beard and read, "What a good year!" The eldest son thought about it and read, "Less bad luck." The second son then read: "No lawsuit!" Everyone was full of praise after reading it, so my father wrote a long article without punctuation and posted it in the middle of the room. The next day, the neighbors came to pay New Year's greetings. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Spring Festival couplets and read aloud: "This year is so unlucky, I have to go to court!"

Young master writes Spring Festival couplets.

Once upon a time, there was a young master who used to eat, drink, and be merry and idle. He spent all his father's inheritance, and near the end of the year, there was no firewood. On New Year's Eve, the poor young master wrote a couplet to laugh at himself and posted it at the door: "Live frugally and spend the indifferent year." An old pedant in the village sighed after reading it, and added a sentence to the couplet, which became: "Do frugal things early and avoid being indifferent."

You are too cruel.

A man called the radio station to order songs and said, "I am a foreigner, and now I can't buy a ticket to go home. I want to spend the New Year in this city." I want to order a song. "

The host asked him, "Who do you want to order songs for?" He said: "I ordered a Jordan chan song" You are so cruel "and gave it to the ticket sellers at all stations in this city."

Poor scholars change Spring Festival couplets.

Once upon a time, there was a master Jinshi who was overbearing and arrogant. One Spring Festival, in order to show off, he posted such a couplet on the door:

Father Jinshi, son Jinshi, father and son Jinshi;

Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law

It happened that a poor scholar in the town passed by the door of Jinshi's house and saw this couplet. First he showed contempt, and then he gave me a smug smile. In the evening, when he saw no one around, he quietly added a few strokes to the couplet.

Early the next morning, there were a lot of spectators in front of Jinshi's door. They talked and laughed, and everyone praised them: "What a change! Well changed! "

The noise outside the door alarmed the master Jinshi, who quickly opened the door and immediately fainted on the steps in front of the door.

The couplet in front of the original Jinshi has been changed by the scholar to this:

Father in the grave, son in the grave, father and son in the grave;

Mother-in-law loses her husband, daughter-in-law loses her husband, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lose their husbands.

I used to work in the front line of the railway construction team, and the Spring Festival is coming. In order to catch up with the schedule and ensure the construction period, the construction team decided to work overtime on holidays and surprise production.

The cold wind is rustling, the plants are yellow and everything is depressed. Although the machines on the construction site are roaring and full of enthusiasm, the construction site is deserted, lacking some atmosphere and a little flavor of the year. I came across an article the other day. The general content is that a school teacher tells a silent story about others with rigorous and fair couplets. Deeply inspired, I wrote a cursive couplet on the door of my comprehensive class, such as electricity, pliers, car and welding.

Complement: send the silver wire to the bright spot for spot welding.

Bottom line: turn, cut, knock and knock carefully.

Horizontal criticism: proficient in everything

As soon as this couplet was posted, I felt that the simple building board house was vivid and more festive.

When the workshops met, they all came to beg, so they dug holes according to radishes, one for each person.

Automobile category

The first part is: holding a plate in your hand and stepping on a wheel under your feet.

The bottom line is: I miss my children in my mouth and my wife in my heart.

Horizontal criticism: Zizi is tireless

Excavator grade

Part 1: Raise your arm to test the height of the sky.

Bottom line: Bend down and explore the ground.

Horizontal batch: familiar with the depth

Bulldozer squad

Top allied: pushing convex and concave flat barren land.

Bottom line: Fine grinding and compaction to build the foundation of Li Long.

Horizontal batch: repair the earth

Technical team

Part I: Hand-held telescope (checkpoint) with red tassel gun (slide bar) on shoulder.

Bottom line: swing a sledgehammer with your left hand and stick a stake in your right hand.

Horizontal batch: draw a clear line

Although it is not neat and rigorous, it is harmless. All the classes said, "Put a piece of popular paper on the door and make it lively!" "

Fat man, the canteen manager who seldom laughs at ordinary times, also came with a smile. "Give me one, too" is childish. As soon as I saw him, I remembered two chicken heads and a chicken butt in the bowl when I bought spicy chicken nuggets the day before yesterday. I was out of breath, so I took the opportunity to Doby him and sent him a picture. The first part: pork stewed vermicelli is less meat, and the second part: radish is short of oil, which is difficult to swallow horizontally. The fat man looked like a pig's liver and said, "What the hell!" After slamming the door, I covered my mouth and smiled, feeling comfortable and cool after the prank!

When I was proud, I suddenly heard a crash. The foreman of the construction site kicked the door with a broom and went straight to me without saying anything. It turned out that the first part I sent him was: I am not afraid of the sun and rain, the second part is: the wind and rain are stronger, and the horizontal criticism is: dark and thick! A look at this appearance, I knew it was not good, so I made a dash for the door and heard the sound of stamping my teeth behind me:

"Boy, you wait, a monk can't run out of the temple ..."

Hey, it's all this couplet!