Tell funny jokes before going to bed.

Complete works of funny jokes before bed

A joke is something that makes people laugh. The following is my collection of funny jokes before going to bed. I hope you like them.

Funny jokes before going to bed 1 1. When I was in high school, my lips were often chapped. I was embarrassed to let everyone see an old man wearing lipstick, so I often secretly applied lipstick when I went to the toilet.

Once I came out of the toilet after applying lipstick, a wonderful flower in my class said to me seriously, "I have been paying attention to you for a long time." Why is my mouth greasy every time I come out of the toilet! "

Damn, I've never really eaten shit!

I was vaccinated in junior high school. When a girl wanted an injection, the nurse said to her, "Please call ..."

At that time, Sister Paper let out a scream with all her strength, and the whole class looked at her in horror.

The nurse held up a needle with a black line all over her face and said, "Please call the students who didn't play in your class ..."

3, bickering with my classmates, I said: I eat more salt than you do.

Unfortunately, the passing class teacher heard me, and then came over and twisted my ears and said, I twisted my ears more than you have ever seen.

There is a boy named Zhao Shuchao in my class. On a class quiz, the classmate was in a daze all the time, and the teacher shouted: Zhao Shuchao!

The whole class took the books out of the drawer and put them on the table for five seconds to copy. ............

One day, I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to eat at the same table with a star. I remember liking him for a while when I was a child, but I couldn't speak when I met a real person this time.

After brewing for a long time, when I finally met his eyes, I blurted out excitedly: "I was your idol in junior high school!" " "

Funny joke before going to bed 2 1, the first-grade pupils are listless in class, and the teacher reminds everyone: "Please cheer up!"

So students began to appear in their schoolbags. Finally, a student raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, which is spirit?"

2. Teacher: "Why are you lazy? Other students move seven or eight bricks at a time, and you only move four? "

Student: "No, they are lazy."

Teacher: "Why?"

Student: "Because they dare not walk more."

A child did a math problem, but he really couldn't do it, so he said to his deskmate, "I'll change seats with you."

"Why?"

"You are so stupid! Didn't you listen to the teacher? Learn to empathize when you encounter problems that you can't! "

The Chinese teacher asked the students to make sentences with "que" and "but" and explained: "These two words are turning conjunctions. But' is a small turn, like a small turn, but' is a big turn, like a big turn. "

Some students immediately said, "I only have a few buts when I go to school, but I have to turn a few buts when I go to grandma's house."

Funny jokes before going to bed 3 1 Chinese class, poetry appreciation, the teacher asked a sleeping classmate: When will the chrysanthemums bloom?

Class two students stood up in a daze and froze for a long time, saying: when going to the toilet.

2. The teacher asked: What color is eggplant?

The first student answered purple.

The teacher asked again: What color are the tomatoes?

The second student answers in red.

The teacher asked what color bananas were.

The third answer is shit yellow.

The teacher tells the students what is the most painful thing in the world.

Some students said it was "separation of flesh and blood" or "separation of wife and children"

The teacher felt that Xiao Qiang from the countryside had a profound experience and asked him to answer.

He said, "You can't shit in the toilet."

In class, the second-class idiot in my class farted loudly, and the whole class laughed.

The idiot was ashamed. He stood up and walked out of the classroom.

The teacher scolded: Be quiet! What's funny about farting! XXX？ You go back and sit down and continue your class.

The idiot looked like a loser and said, teacher, I'll go back and change my pants. ...

Funny jokes before going to bed 4 1. One day in class, my deskmate was secretly playing with my mobile phone when the head teacher was patrolling outside the classroom. At this time, the head teacher took out his mobile phone and sent a message to my deskmate, which read: "Why don't you listen carefully?" After reading it at the same table, I answered doubtfully, "Who are you? How did you know I was playing with my mobile phone? " So the class teacher sent another one: "Look out of the window." My deskmate glanced out of the window and replied excitedly, "God, thank you for your kind reminder. Let's talk about it later. Our class teacher is staring out the window. "

Every time the final exam is over, the school should write a comment for each student. Needless to say, the comments of students with the best academic performance are written by teachers, such as excellent academic performance and particularly good performance in school. However, comments on students whose grades are always the last will always entangle teachers. Finally, the teacher finally made a comment and made an appropriate evaluation: "The student's academic performance is stable, and I hope to continue to work hard."

I meet a beautiful girl every time I go out to work in the morning these days. Every time my sister sees me, she looks shy and hesitates several times. I was ecstatic inside: "Is it because my sister secretly loves me? I am not far from taking off the bill, right? " When I met that sister at work this morning, I got up the courage to block her in the corridor and said to her in a very overbearing tone, "Sister, you should be frank and don't hesitate. Do you like brother?" At this time, I saw my sister's cheeks blushing and said falteringly, "eldest brother, you misunderstood." What has your WiFi password changed? "

4. A person is airsick by plane, and he can't help vomiting in his seat. Ask the stewardess to bring him a plastic bag to catch it. Unexpectedly, he was so dizzy that the plastic bag was full soon. At this time, the flight attendant quickly comforted him and said, "passengers, please forgive me. I'll bring you another plastic bag." Hold on. " But when the stewardess came back, she found vomit all over the floor. So the stewardess asked angrily, "What's the matter? Didn't I tell you to put up with it? " Then the passenger looked aggrieved and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I was about to throw up, so I quickly took a sip. I didn't expect everyone else to throw up. "

Funny jokes before going to bed 5 1, Wukong! Don't be rude Oh, old man, the poor monk came from the eastern Tang Dynasty and passed by here today. I don't know if this old man can open the door ... Old man, please don't insult me any more ... Old man, please don't pestle the poor monk with a cane ... Old man, please calm down ... Old man, can you touch me again? .. Jesus, Cao? Wukong! Cut him! When Bajie realizes that you are going too, knock out your teeth and punch a hole in your leg, and it will be discounted! How kind!

2. Tang Priest: Wukong, bring the Zijin bowl chopsticks to the teacher. Jason Wu, go to the kitchen and see if Bajie is cooked. Master Tang also made a mistake. In fact, he wanted to know if Ba Shi's cooking was cooked. )

3. Friar Sand: Second brother, don't let the master drink. Last year, he was drunk and threw up very dirty on Singles' Day. He cried and shouted to go back to his daughter's country ... huh? Brother, where are you going? Why don't you go? Brother, come quickly! Second brother flew away in the direction of Gao Lao Zhuang!

4. Tang Priest: Jason Wu, look, you don't drink horses, but you take selfies with your mobile phone. As the teacher said, you have a big face, a wide mouth and a bushy beard, and no matter how pouting you are, you can't be Kawaii. Come on, take some pictures for me and teach you some scissors hands for the teacher.

5. Yutu's blog: Dear friend, if you love it, please love it deeply. At this moment, I was in tears. Although I said to myself more than once: "Yutujing, you must be happy!" " "However, he is a person like the wind, crushing my elegant dignity and making me as lonely as fireworks ... will you stay? Elder Tang, will there be a banshee in the Western Heaven to love you for me?

6. Tang Priest: You Po Hou, you have too little respect for your teacher. Why do you look sexy in front of spider elves in a leopard apron? Why steal the limelight for the teacher? Shut up! I don't care if you are leopard print or tiger skin! Do you still know who you are? You were released. What are you pretending to be in front of me? Look, you dyed your yellow hair and held a steel pipe. Are you pretending to be a gangster?

7. Bajie: Master, get on the horse. How can you keep fit by taking these two steps? A monk, what idol are you pretending to be? Look, you sent monkeys to pick wild fruits again. Can improving food kill you? My existence has fully demonstrated that you can't lose weight by being a vegetarian.

8. Tang Priest: Wukong, let Bajie go into the water to catch carp essence. You are not good at swimming. If you drown, how can you afford this salvage fee for your teacher? Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to Bajie. He will float on his own.

9. Friar Sand: Master Brother! If you don't go there, who will protect the master from learning from the West? Take it easy! I know you have a lot of connections. At the beginning, 100,000 generals couldn't control you. Those in front were no ordinary monsters, but those were the urban management here!

Joke joke 6 1 before going to bed, programmers are most annoyed by two things. The first thing is that someone asked him to write a document for his own code. What about the second thing? Someone else's program didn't leave a document.

2. Programmer's Reading History: Introduction to X Language->; Application practice of x language > advanced programming of x language > science and art of x language > beauty of programming > way of programming > Zen of programming->; Guide to rehabilitation of cervical spondylosis. (Skiyo)

3. Before I went to college, during the summer vacation of senior three, I went to my bookstore to buy the legendary C++ book, and then I saw a C#. I saw it, alas, this++was still written in an artistic way, and there was overlap, so I bought C# back. ...

4. Q: Which son of Kangxi did programmers hate most? A: Darren Chan. Because he is a bug.

One day, Cheng suddenly found that their salary increase fell into the well! Everyone was so scared that they hanged themselves and put their hands into the well from the tree to get their wages. Just as they touched the salary, an old programmer suddenly shouted excitedly: Don't be silly, the salary to be raised is still hanging in the sky! (smth)

6. Zhuge Liang is an excellent programmer, and every trick is written for different situations! But good programmers can't compete with better bugs! Six out of the mountain to pray, seven into the central plains, do your best. Zhuge Liang died only because of a misjudged case-Ma Su, and the whole structure was broken!

7. A true portrayal of life, a game, a pack of cigarettes, a computer all afternoon. A box of instant noodles and a pot of water can last a whole day. (Four nights scholar heart cedar)

8. Cheng wants three children, named Ctrl, Alt and Delete. If they don't obey, Cheng just needs to beat them at the same time.

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