Degang Guo's classic joke (1)

1: "Excuse me, Grandpa, how can I get to America?" "Then who knows ... ask the village chief!"

2: Speak louder without electricity!

Don't leave after the party, go to eat-whoever goes will pay.

4: Crosstalk is good! Attack ugliness, musk and righteousness (promote righteousness).

There are always more than 1000 traditional cross talks left by the old gentleman. After years of continuous efforts by our actors, there are now more than 400 pieces left. There are still 300 paragraphs that are not allowed to be said. 100 is in conflict with building a harmonious society.

6: Listening to cross talk more shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, such as English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic ... Can he sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and scold him anyway? Tell him you listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand! " Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! He can cross talk in a foreign language in July and August, but he doesn't understand!

The house where we live is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains so hard that the whole family goes to the yard to take shelter from the rain.

8: We decided that we want to fly in heaven, and one of the two birds wants to make cauliflower.

9: Are you willing to listen, are you willing to listen, or are you willing to listen? I will never insist.

10: This guy robbed the bank and drove on the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

1 1: Your shameless appearance is like my charm.

12: Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week. I ...

13: Brother, I hope the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, ok?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that easy. Really, brother, I'm not refuting your face. I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else.

I brought a photo of Yu Qian when I touched him. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. His name is Yu Qian (Jing Li). He looks cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful.

God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up photos).

Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14: I have money at home and drive a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, and "chug chug". Oh, three jumps.

At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, "Elder Sun, take away the divine power."

15: From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

16: If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you one hundred dollars first. If the law didn't care, I would have killed you!

The young man looks like an actor. ...

18: ok! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

19: Guo: What should I do? I'm so rich. I don't know how to spend it Hey? ! Yu Qian, why don't I take care of you?

Will you take care of me? !

Guo: Ah ... no ... No matter how rich we are, we must choose our looks!

20: Shouxing Lao: Jade Emperor Jade Emperor! ~ something has come up.

Jade Emperor: What happened to the birthday girl?

Shouxing Lao: Do you have a hammer and nails? Let me use it. My sika deer bit the railing.

Jade Emperor: Shouxing, what can I say about you? It doesn't matter if you ride that deer, you have to feed it! ~

2 1: Degang Guo: I found a good job as soon as I arrived here, building a chimney of more than 70 meters!

Yu Qian: Not bad!

Degang Guo: Get up early and get the job done. People come to check and accept, but they won't give us money anyway!

Yu Qian: Is the quality not good?

Degang Guo: I turned the drawing upside down and they told me to dig a well!

22: Guo: Hey ~ ~! There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

It was cold, so I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I hinged the belt buckle down and put it in my pocket. Sew it yourself.

24: Paris ... You know, there is a zoo in Paris ... The zoo is opposite ... Hey ... There is a clothes seller in the zoo ... You can't say you buy clothes ... You have to say you want goods. ...

25: Wen Shun, what do you have?

I won't tell you that I brought boiled eggs.

-Give it to me.

-Don't give up ... Guess, guess how many.

I guess you gave me one.

-If you want to guess, I'll give you two.

- ..............................................................................................................................................................................

This is a false tooth.

── throw it away quickly.

Don't throw it away, it's too bad.

-Why?

-Tie a stick to it as a tickle.

27: "The story told today is not far from now. If there are old people at home, you can go back and ask-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period ... "

Flight 28: 90 14, from Xizhimen to Daxing Huangcun, the fare is 5 yuan, please board. You said it was ... interesting. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats. Be sure to have a big seat!

When XXX was born, his father was ill. After returning to China, his mother is the hardest. Here is the husband and there are the children. We should take care of them. Feed the medicine here, feed the medicine there, feed the milk, feed the medicine. Feed medicine, breast-feed His father is too strong, and the child has taken the wrong medicine.

30: the old vine is faint, and the small bridge is flowing. The old road is thin, the sun sets, heartbroken people ... in the hospital, ... don't go to the hospital if their intestines are broken! ..... I am the first master of tampering with Tang poetry and Song poetry.

3 1: abiding by the law, facing the imperial court, feeling depressed, singing at night, riding mules at the expense of others, being fair and just, and starving. Building bridges and roads is blind, killing and setting fires. I went to the Western Heaven to ask my Buddha, and the Buddha said, No way!

32: "There is such bright light at the foot of my bed. Could it have been frosted? , looked up and found it was moonlight, (pa! My name is Degang Guo. There are many people here. I am very happy. Thank you for coming. Don't go after the party. Go and eat. Whoever goes will pay. Listen to cross talk for twenty, and make a noise of sixteen thousand. Laugh and add money. "

33: "We fell in love with cross talk on TV. Why? Say it! The assistant director arranged for people to take the lead in applauding. As soon as I took the stage,' today', wow-(applause thundered),' the two of us', wow-applause broke out,' for everyone', wow-applause,' tell a story', wow-,'voice', wow-,(laughter: every word is a drum. )' that's not good', wow. Clap if you don't speak well. You see how good it is today, no one applauds. "

34: Yu Qian: A tooth is still stuffed.

Degang Guo: He ate the lotus root and got it in his eye!

35: "I am rich. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen in Tianjin went out on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was broken. I won't know until I check. Is the pedal off ... "

36: "Then anyone can eat it. Everyone looks like pancakes all day. It is also ok to roll steamed bread with rice. It's porcelain. It's time to carry it. Sometimes, I come backstage to sneak pancakes and drink fruit ... ""Drinking at the drinking ground is the first person in history. "

37: Where is my gun? Borrowed my security suit, I put it on and hit him.

You can shoot for five minutes. If you are caught, shoot first and then ask questions.

38: Rogues know martial arts, and no one can stop them! Scientists know martial arts, and even hooligans can't stop them!

39: I'm dying!

40: How can I describe his appearance to you? Have you ever seen baked sweet potatoes? Just baked. It's too hot in your hand. I accidentally failed to hold it and fell to the ground. What about over there? A child came running, wearing spikes, and stepped on this sweet potato. . His face is like this sweet potato. (Bang: He looks like he can make up stories. )

4 1: I want to oppose the three customs.

42: You are vulgar-but I like it.

43: (Henan dialect) "Why are you here? What are you doing, you son of a bitch! "

"Slap you in the street!"

On this day, I came to the railway station with prejudice, and all the tickets were sold out. Bias went to ask a policeman, "Do you know where the conductor is?" The policeman listened to the music: "I'm still looking!" " "

45: I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have studied this kind of jump. The second floor is different from the twentieth floor. The second floor is "pa! Ah ~ "The 20th floor is" Ah ~ ~ ~ Pa! "

Hearing the news of your father's death, the neighbors cried: "such a good man, he died too late!" "

47: After midnight, two grandfathers took to the street naked, only Jing Li wore a pair of glasses-if he wore a mask, it would be three points.

48: Two nurses came down, how beautiful: 1.7 meters tall, with sideburns and whiskers, and a wide palm to protect the heart.

49: Yu Qian's father-Wang Dad.

50: Li Jing has a cousin who can tiptoe under Li Xia in high heels. She looks poor. Her picture is posted on the door to ward off evil spirits and on the bed for contraception.