Classic joke

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Most of them reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different tastes. The following is my collection of classic jokes, for reference only. Welcome to reading.

Joke classic 1 officers and men

A military truck got stuck in the mire. Fortunately, a jeep came from behind and several officers jumped off the truck. They tried to push the truck out of the mire.

"My God!" A policeman panted, "Your car is heavy enough. What's inside? " 28 new recruits. "The driver replied.

service family

Jack is a typical soldier and his family has a strong military color. For example, the kitchen door says "canteen", the living room door says "conference room", the son bedroom says "male soldier dormitory" and the daughter bedroom says "female soldier dormitory". The guests thought that the sign of the headquarters must be hung in the bedroom of the husband and wife. Surprisingly, the sign said: "Recruit Training Center".

gentleman's agreement

Mom: "Listen, Annie. Don't let your father know about the pie we ate today. Otherwise, I will not give you food in the future! "

Son: "Don't worry, Mom. I won't tell dad. Dad quietly takes me to the street to eat snacks every day. I never told you, did I? "

Before sailing

Mrs Jones: "I forgot one thing, but I can't remember what it is. Please help me find it, flight attendant? " Flight attendant: "You didn't forget your passport, did you?" Mrs Jones. " Mrs Jones: "Passport?

Well, here it is. The ticket is here, too ... What did you forget? "

Stewardess: "Have you got all the luggage?" Mrs Jones: "Let me see. One, two, three, four, five, five, all here." Stewardess: "In my opinion, you haven't forgotten anything." Mrs Jones; "No, I did lose something, but I really can't remember." Stewardess: "Don't worry too much, all the important things are here anyway. Ok, please get in the car. We will sail soon. Hey, where's Mr Jones? " Mrs Jones: "Mr Jones? Oh, I remember, I just lost him! "

Joke classic 2 children's jokes 1

My 7-year-old son ran into the room and proudly showed me a crawling caterpillar in his hand. I was scared when I saw the bug, but I couldn't let my son see it, so I said in a relaxed tone, "Get it outside quickly, its mother must be looking for it."

The son turned and walked out. I thought I had achieved my goal. But who knows that he will come back soon with two caterpillars crawling on his hands: "Mom, I brought his mother!" " "

Children joke 2

My son just entered the first grade, and one day he forgot to bring his pencil case. His anxious mother brought it to him specially in class. The teacher touched his son's head and whispered, "Say goodbye to mom."

Immediately, dozens of students in the class shouted in unison: "goodbye, mom!" " "

Children joke 3

Dad: "Don't move your feet while eating."

Son: "How did you see my feet under the table? Is it because you have corns on your feet? "

Children joke 4

My 3-year-old daughter said she could make sentences, so I asked her to make sentences with "young". She immediately made a sentence: "Mom lost weight, and lost a lot of pounds when she was young."

Children's joke 5

In order to express my thoughts on my son, I named him "Excellence". For seven years, there is nothing wrong with this name. I watched TV the night before yesterday, and there was an advertisement on TV. The slogan is "Challenge the limit and pursue excellence". My son suddenly asked me, "Dad, why do they pursue me?"

Children's joke 6

The children get together and everyone performs.

One of the children is excellent and plays the piano on the stage. After the performance, the parents who watched the performance kept shouting for her to play another one.

The teacher asked her if she wanted to play another song. As a result, the child was so anxious that he was about to cry: "I didn't play it wrong. Why should I play it again?"

Small joke classic 3 1, people in the workplace want KFC (willing to work hard and get opportunities), McDonald's (working hard and working) and Pizza Hut (sure to win customers).

2, it's gray and wild, busy with work every day, flustered every day, and fearful at night, except that the company is a bed, people are boundless, and the heart is cold, always thinking about the year-end award, the wind is crazy about the moon, and the elder brothers are definitely better than me.

3. The general manager of a certain group lectured: "You only lie and brag all day, and there is no truth. What can you do except let you be laid off? " Trainee: "then let me go to the advertising department!" "

4. Three obedience and four virtues in the workplace. Obey the boss, obey the money, obey the rules; Work hard, eat dead cats, suffer indignities and talk.

At the end of the year, the manager held a staff meeting: colleagues worked hard for a year, and the company decided to raise wages in disguise. Everyone was very excited, and the manager added: I used to deduct one hundred for being late, but now I will deduct fifty. Whoever is late will take advantage in the future.

6. The bank manager hired an ugly person with crooked eyes, crooked nose and crooked ears as a cashier, which surprised everyone. The manager explained that if he absconded with money, it would be easy for us to state his outstanding features on the wanted notice.

7. Xiao Wang is responsible for the recruitment of the company. Recently, the company will recruit a group of employees. Xiao Wang asked candidates to fill in the personal data form. The next day, when Xiao Wang looked at the registration form, he found that the political outlook of one of them was impressively written "oval face" and he burst into tears on the spot.

Although I just want to be a coolie, I have to dress up before I can find a job in the talent market! You can't make a fool of yourself in public. So I wore a suit and tie, polished my shoes and went on my way. When I arrived at the talent market, I saw a sea of people, which was impenetrable. I didn't squeeze in, thinking, "With my conditions, finding a coolie is also a piece of cake!" " "So I waited and waited, and the sun went down, and no one came to recruit me. It's almost hopeless At this time, a man came quickly, and I quickly adjusted my hair. As long as he asks, I will agree to whatever conditions. He came over and said only one sentence: "boss, do you want to recruit a coolie?" " "

Small joke classic 4 1, the husband came home from work early, and found his wife in a flurry after entering the door. When the husband opened the closet to put his coat, he found a naked man hidden inside! The husband was furious and said, "Who are you?" The man didn't answer. Then the husband said in a panic: "Hey! You look familiar. I seem to have seen you somewhere? " This is, the man looked up and said calmly, "Of course, it was in my closet last time."

My wife has been complaining that her breasts are not full! So I asked my husband for money for breast augmentation surgery, and her husband repeatedly persuaded me not to listen. The husband couldn't bear it, and said, "Now there is not enough money at home, can you do it?" Since then, my wife has never asked for breast augmentation.

My wife just gave birth to a daughter, and my husband is a little disappointed. The wife said, "Although she is a daughter, her nose and mouth are very similar to yours!" " ! How beautiful! "The husband sighed:" Hey, but the most important thing is to like you! " "

I am pregnant for 5 months. I used to be petite and almost turned into a bucket!

I get angry every time I see my husband still so handsome! So every night I find all kinds of reasons to let him serve me! Last night, he fell asleep and I pulled him up. I ordered, "My back is sore. Give it to me. " The husband didn't even bother to open his eyes. He reached out and felt for a long time. Suddenly he said, "Strange, my waist is gone. How can it be sour? "

Classic joke 5 1. While eating in the restaurant, my colleague ran over and said there was too much rice. He gave me a big piece of rice on my plate, and then he said it was polite and took the biggest piece of meat from my plate. ......

2. A friend of mine called 10086 to complain: Why is the phone bill arbitrarily deducted? The more you talk, the more excited you get. ......

I heard him say that I will blow up your mobile company in the future.

At this time, I only heard the customer service say humorously: Sir, if you insist on going, please go early, or you may be bombed by others if you go late.

"I bought a new Regal, which drives a high-class petrol car."

"Well, cars of general descent are like this."

"Yes, but that's not the main reason."

"What is the main reason?"

"The main thing is not to recognize the Tao."

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