Humorous stories in Mark Twain's language

One April Fool's Day, a newspaper in new york played a joke on Mark Twain and reported: "Mark Twain died on a certain day in that month." When Mark Twain personally greeted those friends who came to mourn, many people were surprised and angry. They fought and condemned those irresponsible newspapers. But Mark Twain was not angry at all. Instead, he said humorously, "The newspaper reported my death, which is true, but the date was advanced." Everyone laughed in class. Mark Twain once took a train to give a lecture at a university in the capital. The train is slow and he is in a hurry. Then the ticket inspector came over and asked Mark Twain, "Do you have a ticket?" Mark Twain handed in a child ticket. After careful examination, the ticket inspector said, "Sorry, I didn't realize you were a child!" " Mark Twain replied, "But I was a child when I bought the ticket. You know, this train is too slow! Small Mistakes and Big Mistakes Mark Twain was asked what is the difference between small mistakes and big mistakes. Mark Twain said, "If you come out of a restaurant, leave your umbrella there and take someone else's umbrella, it's a mistake. But if you take someone else's umbrella and leave your umbrella there, it's a big mistake. "One day, Mark Twain heard many people talking about sleepwalking. One of them is a well-known sleepwalker. Mark Twain said, "I have a cure for sleepwalking. The patient was very happy and begged, "Sir, can you help me treat it?" "Mark Twain said," that's too simple. Buying a box of thumbtacks before going to bed and scattering them on the floor beside the bed can definitely cure your sleepwalking. " * Playing tricks on the priest * A priest preached in the pulpit. Mark Twain hated it very much and wanted to play a joke on it. "Pastor, your speech is really wonderful, but I once read it in a book, and everything you said was on it. After listening to this, the priest replied unhappily, "My speech is by no means plagiarism! "But that book is word for word." "Then lend me that book." The priest said helplessly. So, a few days later, the priest received a book from Mark Twain-a dictionary! Mark Twain once gave a speech in a small city. He decided to have his hair cut before the speech. "Do you like our city?" The barber asked him. "ah! Yes, this is a good place. " Mark Twain said. "You're just in time," continued the barber. "Mark Twain is going to give a speech tonight. I think you must want to hear it? " "yes." Mark Twain said. "Did you get the ticket?" "Not yet." "What a pity!" The barber shrugged his shoulders, spread out his hands and said regretfully, "Then you have to stand from beginning to end, because there will be no empty seats there." "Yes!" The humorist said, "It's too bad to be with Mark Twain. I can only stand forever when he speaks. "