Humorous funny phrases

to tell you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the side, okay, okay, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

I called you just now and answered: The user is streaking, so he can't get through; When I called again, I replied: The user has rushed out of the service area.

cold remedy: put your head on the door frame and close the door hard until you are dizzy and accompanied by slight congestion, and the cold can be cured.

how painful it is to leave. Your departure will make me feel terrible. I really want you to live with me, but ... Mom said, "No pigs at home!"

tips for self-test of vital capacity: after farting, lower your head and inhale fiercely, and then observe whether people around you smell strange smell. If so, you must strengthen exercise according to this method; If not, it proves that you are superman!

when I was down and out, it was you beside me; When I was sick and injured, it was you by my side; When I am frustrated in love, it's still you beside me ... It's really unlucky to be with you < P > When you walk into a deep and narrow canyon with a bow and an arrow on your back, you find a wolf in front and a ghost behind you. Excuse me: Do you shoot wolves or ghosts?

the first ray of sunshine in the morning is my deep blessing to you. The last blush of sunset is my heartfelt greeting to you: "How are you, fool?"

don't think that I have forgotten you. At critical times, such as today, you are the first thing I think of.

I miss you so strongly at such a time and place. You always give everything silently, and I always treat you like garbage after I finish? Abandon ... toilet paper

You are a little aura, and I am a little silly; You are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; You have a little aroma, I have a little smoke; If you are angry, I won't lose my temper.

There are many women around, all of whom are elder sister-in-law; Occasionally, there is an exception, which is also a bad date. There are too many bachelors around, and I am hungry all day; I wanted to say a few words of comfort, but I didn't know what to say.

I love you for ten thousand years, with my eyes on money; If you want to see me, remit 1 thousand yuan quickly

report to commander, your wife is in Taiwan Province, and as soon as Taiwan Province is liberated, your wife will pee on the kang! Report commander, your wife will give birth as soon as she develops in Taiwan Province and Taiwan Province!

A fat man weighed himself, but the scale didn't respond. He walked down in disappointment, and the scale suddenly said, To maintain the machinery, please don't stand on two people at a time. Thank you for your cooperation.

wherever you go, your colleagues will follow you, but it is purely out of strong curiosity.

it's irritating to think that my beloved girl is married, and her doll is as tall as a dog, but I'm still single.

you gambled away all the money you made, and when you saw a pretty girl, your eyes glowed, and your wife wished she could slap you.

[ Trick expert] so bright a gleam on the foot of my bed, there is no money to hold back. Look up at the beauty, bow your head and be sad. .8

[ trickster] Your smile is sweet, your anger is cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig .8

[ Trick expert] Congratulations, this short message you just received will be recorded in the history of world communication, because it is the first short message paid by the receiver, and the price is 1, RMB! .8

[ Trick expert] online: fake cigarettes, fake wine and fake friends; Bottom line: false feelings, false feelings and false gentleness. Horizontal criticism: the money is real. .8

[ Trick expert] People can't fall, and they have to draw a million dollars to borrow money. It is better to faint than to faint. Whether a person is beautiful or not depends on his thighs; Whether he can do it or not depends on the head shape. .8

[ Trick expert] You pay all your wages, including the unplanned ones; All leftovers are contracted, including spoiled ones; Kill all the housework, including the mother-in-law's; Thoughts are reported every day, ... .8

[ Trick expert] You grew up lacking calcium and love, wearing a sack, a pot cover over your head, wearing shorts, a belt, being shirtless and wearing a tie. Who dares to love such a glorious image! .8

[ Trick expert] Four little pigs are sitting on the ground, and suddenly one is missing. There's that little pig, reading the short message! .8

[ Trick expert] When the horse and donkey meet the tiger, they turn around and run. The donkey ran slowly, and the horse shouted, "Stupid donkey! How can you run fast when you have a mobile phone in your hand! Throw away the phone quickly! " .8

[ trickster] A found that B had a new watch: Where did you buy it? "This is a prize" "How did it come from" "Race with two people" "Who are those two people" "Police and a man who lost his watch" .8

[ Trick expert] You have three seconds to show up for me, or you will know the date of my shoes. .8

[ Trick expert] Urgent reminder: There may be lightning recently, please put your mobile phone when you go out. Remember that .8

[ Trick expert] is a great news: One-way charging for mobile phones has been opened. How to operate it: put the mobile phone in a pot and boil it with a small fire until the words "One-way charging has been successfully opened" appear on the mobile phone. .8

[ Trick expert] On that day, I looked at your sexy body and twisted naked in front of me, gently stroking your skin. I couldn't. I ... .8

[ Trick expert] You are very virtuous-you can't do anything at home, you are a beautiful woman-a moldy girl, and you and I have an affair-an unshakable friendship!

[ trickster] was abandoned? Being bullied? Homeless ... don't forget, even if people all over the world dislike you and ignore you, at least there are us ... Animal Protection Association .8

[ Trick expert] I live like this every day: I play ball with Jordan, I play boxing with Tai Sen, I play chess with Wei Ping, I have an affair with Clinton, I blow up buildings with bin Laden, and I send messages to pigs .8 < p. If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers? .8

[ Trick expert] It is said that after the Tang Priest and his disciples got the scriptures, Sanzang was reincarnated as the underworld boss, Wukong became a fashion model, Friar Sand became a university professor, and Bajie became a mobile phone messenger ... .8

[ Trick expert] Urgent reminder: there will be a tornado in the southeast of the city at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning, and it is expected that there will be mobile phones and banknotes. Please be prepared to get rich. .8

[ Trick expert] Men are in love, women are in love, men are talented, and women are anonymous. .8

[ Trick expert] I took Zheng Yijian and pedaled Wen Zhaolun, crossed Zhao Benshan, Guanzhilin and Pan Changjiang, and came to Zhouxingchi ... .8

[Trick expert] The man would not admit that he was drinking "sanhua", but would only say that he was "spending" money and "drinking" wine. .8

[ trickster] My left ear is Rona's ear, and my right ear is Riva's ear. Who can compare with .8

[ trickster] The so-called "great fortune in misfortune" means that when your friend lives in a house of sand or radiant steel, you are a shell-less snail. .8

[ Trick expert] On June 7th, a couple star appeared. Before it appeared, kiss the person you love for 2 minutes. After it appeared, hold his or her hand, and you will be happy forever. .8

[ Trick expert] Let me blindfold you quietly, gently put a watermelon skin under your feet, and then watch you step on it with alacrity. .8

[ Trick expert] "Doctor, my mobile phone signal is always bad" "Really? Let me see, oh, you can call while running in the future! Just fine! " .8

[ Trick expert] Bin Laden is wearing a suit instead of a beard. To avoid suspicion, please grow a beard and wear cheongsam from now on! .8

[ Trick expert] A: I wrote a couplet, the first part is "Being handsome in the sky" and the second part is "Marshal Tianpeng". What is the second part? B: I am a pig!

[ Trick expert] tells you a secret, please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the side, okay, okay, please don't look around with your mobile phone, okay? .8

[ Trick expert] is silent, blind, unable to eat three meals, weak limbs, abnormal facial features, disowned by six parents, ignorant, imposing on all sides. .8

[ Trick expert] Blind date is "distribution", love is "direct selling", and throwing hydrangea to attract relatives is "bidding". .8

[ Trick expert] People get married because of lack of judgment; People also divorce because of lack of endurance; People remarry because of lack of memory. .8

[ Trick expert] A woman has been worrying about her future life until she finds a husband; A man doesn't worry about the future until he finds a wife. .8

[Trick expert] You have to say it bravely when you love someone. I love you forever! Please tell my mother that I've wanted to say this for a long time. .8

[ Trick expert] Purple smoke rose from the incense burner in Rizhao, and Li Bai came to the roast duck restaurant, drooling down three thousands of feet, feeling his pocket for no money. .8

[ Trick expert] You're handsome, you're handsome, cabbage is on your head, you're handsome, kelp is on your waist, you're handsome, you step on the pot cover. .8

[ Trick expert] Hello, dear friend, Christmas is coming. Would you please wait for me in the park? I'll send you a gift in the early morning. .8

[ Trick expert] When a person often calls himself "not a fuel-efficient lamp", it means that he needs to "refuel more". .8

[ Trick expert] In love, some people "die"; In marriage, some people "feel like death." .8

[ Trick expert] Send roses before marriage, romance is not wasted; Sending tofu flowers after marriage is practical and affordable. .8

[ Trick expert] If marriage is the grave of love, the annual wedding anniversary celebration is a grave-sweeping. .8

[ Trick expert] In my mind, my father is the fiercest, and he often beats me black and blue. At school, my teacher is the fiercest, and he often keeps me until seven or eight o'clock.