No one can make me laugh.

My predecessor was a big shot. He especially likes to shit in the toilet, and he also likes to pose various shapes by moving his hips. Needless to say, he likes to ask me to appreciate his so-called art after playing! Surgery! I'm going to put up with it Until my birthday one day, he excitedly called me to the toilet and said, honey, this is my birthday present for you. I have been practicing for this for a whole month! Let me see, fuck! He really played "Happy Birthday"! Shit!

I saw a young girl in the supermarket, and my friend poked me: "Look, there is a girl over there." I said, "How can quantifiers be used for girls?" The friend said, "Does it feel exquisite?" Girls are delicate creatures. "I suddenly enlighted, feel the same way and nodded. Soon my friend poked me: "Look, there are a bunch of women there. "

"Do you know why we can feel each other's heartbeat strongly when we hug?" "Is it because we love each other deeply and have a heart in mind?" "No, it's because your chest is flat."

What happened in an engineering college was that a sophomore snuggled up in the arms of a junior and asked, "Why doesn't my freshman brother like me?" The junior stroked the head of the sophomore and said, "Little fool, they still like women!" " "

Man: "Do you know why the ring you bought when you got married is called a ring?" Woman: "Why?" Man: "How evil! How evil! " Woman: "I see, it's really evil! ! !

Japanese people spend 65,438+66 million yuan to buy Diaoyu Island, which is not only an invasion of China territory, but also an insult to China land price! ! !

My senior sister told me that yesterday, on Teacher's Day, the newly-married beauty counselor in her class received gifts from students, including: more than 20 boxes of condoms, essential oils, delay drugs, 5-6 sets of sexy underwear, and candles (well, what's the situation? ) In fact, there is a big ZW device. .......................................................................................................................................................................

I have an idiot wife at home … who cuts her off … every time I see a beautiful woman in the street, my wife looks at me first. If I were watching, she would whistle at the beauty. When the beauty turned around, her wife would slap me in the face and call me shameless. Damn it, I can't whistle.

Erqi Road-Forum users revealed that one night when I wanted to buy snacks, Mommy stopped me and asked me, "Don't you lose weight?" I said, "Hi … Anyway, I have a boyfriend, and someone wants to …" Then my mother looked at me for a long time and said something very inspiring: "Don't want to change?"

On the subway, a three-and-a-half-year-old shota held a MM's thigh wearing B-type hot pants and said, Sister, your legs are really white! MM blushed. Do you have rice? Everyone in the carriage laughed. Do you have rice? At this time, the teacher said to me, uncle, I'm finished. Get off and take me to eat chicken. .....

I finally understand why military training should be turned around, because only in this way can the sunshine be more uniform → _→

My wife is an operator and talks in her sleep at night. Listen carefully, don't know who to talk to, and occasionally hear what set meal. I thought she was cute, so I kissed her. As a result, she popped out, "This customer, please don't kiss me. If you have no other business, please hang up. " "

Erqi Road-A netizen in the forum signed: When one door closes, another door will open. "I have a car like this. . .

Don't want me to play WeChat, someone added me WeChat and I read his information. When I saw a person's micro-signal with honey in front, it was evil at that time, so I refused. But he added me several times, and later I learned that it was a female colleague at work. I asked her how to use this name, and she said, what's the matter? Sweet Honey is a classic song.

In high school computer class, a buddy sat in the penultimate row and secretly surfed the Internet. When he gets online, he will think of two female classmates in the back row. He looked back and flushed. Call him XXX when you see him. You are disgusting. He smiled and continued to watch. After a while, he felt a little uneasy. Then he looked back and saw m-girls sitting together and cursing her. XXX, you are disgusting.

Today, in the street, two young people were fighting, and then a crowd gathered around. There is a young JC standing on tiptoe outside. I asked him, you are not JC, don't you care? This JC embarrassed and hearty smile, damn it, I forgot. Then he left with two young people. . .

The company is full of yin, but all employees, male and female, who are married and have children, must be girls, without exception. Last month, the goods next to me happily invited everyone to eat cake and told everyone, "I broke the spell and gave birth to a boy." A colleague replied, "How is that possible? It must not be yours. " . . As a result, the truth came out this morning, and I went to do a test. It's really not his. . . son

In the afternoon, my bike ran out of gas. When I walked to the repair shop, the master was not there. Two old ladies and two beautiful women are waiting. He saw me and said to me, "You have to wait, too. The master is not here. I have been waiting for a long time! " I said, "I'm just refueling." Then I took my own pump to cheer them up and said to them, "You are really unlucky, it's such a hot day …" I just heard a bang and my tire burst. ...

Last night, I enjoyed the cool on a bench on campus. A mother and son are sitting on the bench next to me. My mother said, honey, call your father and ask when you will come back. Shota (about four or five years old) called to ask, and mom and dad asked when you would come back. I guess shota said to your mother when she said to let her talk: Dad said you asked, so tell him yourself. Mom: You speak for me. Shota's face suddenly became angry and serious. He shouted into the phone: if you don't come back at nine o'clock, you will die outside, asshole. If you don't come back soon, you won't want to go to my mother's bed at night, and then you will hang up. Mom has a smug face. . . .