Why do you seem to have a good personality, but people feel alienated?

Illustration/network

Yesterday morning, when I was brushing Weibo, I accidentally saw such a hot search: Why is there a kind of person who seems to have a good personality, is easy to contact, and is very polite to people, but it makes people feel alienated?

One of them is praised by Liu Yu in "One Man Should Be Like an Army": I'm actually not withdrawn, but I can be said to be cheerful and lively. But most of the time I'm too lazy to run a relationship. At other times, I just love freedom and feel that any kind of relationship will bind me. Of course, the most important thing is that bosom friends are hard to find. I always feel that when interacting with most people, I can only come up with my own dimension, and it is difficult to find people who are as interested as myself. The humble version of this sentence is: it is difficult to find a person who is as insane as me.

At that time, many netizens participated in the discussion, and I also took this opportunity to write something to record my thoughts.

1

Why do I like a person? I like to spend a day alone in a quiet place, because I always feel that it is much easier to please myself than others.

When I get along with myself, I just need to find a comfortable seat, listen to a nice song or two with headphones and read a book I want to read. Even if I stare blankly out of the window, I will feel relaxed and happy.

When I am with a group of people, I need to keep a good face and tell some jokes that are not very funny. Sometimes I am afraid that I will be the one who is ignored by everyone. On the surface, I am very happy, but in fact, I am particularly afraid of loneliness.

Some people say that it is better for two people to hold an umbrella together on rainy days than to be in a daze alone on sunny days. However, I prefer sunny weather, and I prefer the golden color of the sun shining through the leaves. I still prefer to spend more time with myself and make myself happy.

My favorite philosophical writer Zhou once said, "I am naturally unsociable." Most of the time, I either find the other person boring, or I am afraid that the other person will find me boring. But I don't want to stand each other's boredom, and I don't want to look interesting. That's too tired. I am the most relaxed when I am alone, because I won't feel bored. Even if I am bored, I will bear it myself, and I don't need to feel uneasy without involving others. "

2

I have always felt that "initiative" is risky in any relationship, and not every initiative can get the expected response. Often the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. Because I am afraid of taking the risk of disappointment, I simply don't take the step of narrowing the distance.

I can easily screw up a relationship.

I have the friendship that I can chat all night and go to many places together. We also threatened to be good friends with each other for life, because we have experienced a lot together; I promised that no matter how long, I will stay with you, because I know that people who are slow to heat know the value of companionship; We know each other's shortcomings, but we always choose tolerance.

Later, this good friend was completely lost by me. Maybe it's because friendship always has a deadline and you can't be happy at a node; It is also possible that small disappointments accumulate into big disappointments again and again, and it hurts to think of disappointment; In other words, true friends are not just those who have been together for a long time, but those who understand, protect and protect you.

Haruki Murakami said: "No one likes loneliness, just don't want to be disappointed."

You should cherish the people who talk to you, chat with you, send you short messages, and even talk after you say "well" and "ok", because no one will be full to please someone who doesn't care about himself, and don't let those who are really nice to you slowly disappear from your life. No matter love or friendship, if you don't run a business, you will become a stranger.

three

Man is like a kaleidoscope.

I think what you see is many aspects of me, but few people understand many dimensions of me.

You are always fooling around, and some people will think that you have no temper; You often laugh as heartless as a child, and they will curl up in the corner and feel sad when they don't know you alone; You are very energetic in the workplace, but you also have a small and fresh side of literature and art.

"I am not only lonely, but also my loneliness is varied: there are too many men among women and too many women among men; I am too conservative among scholars, too scholar in conservatism, too cynical among literary youth, too literary youth among cynical youth, too westernized in China, and too China among foreigners ... I think God probably sent me to this world to do a psychological experiment on identity barriers. "

Many people only know one side of you, but think that this is the whole you. So sometimes when you show that you are not like this, they will be surprised and think that it is not you at all. But this is me. How can a person have only one side? It will be boring.

There are also some people who not only don't look at you in multiple dimensions, but also use their imagination to locate you in the position they want.

There will always be people who like you in your imagination, and then see your face clearly, see your shortcomings and say that you are such a person. However, in fact, you are such a person. Obviously, I didn't do anything, but I let others down.

I shouldn't be defined by others.

There will be many friends, but bosom friends are always hard to find.

After lunch, I walked back to the library with my friends, and it suddenly occurred to me that we were going to graduate from the same school and go to different cities.

I said in a somewhat disappointed tone: "The relationship between people is really amazing. When I was a freshman and a sophomore, I actively participated in community organizations. Many people comment in the dynamic and circle of friends, whether they know each other or have only met once. There are fewer and fewer people who really care about your dynamics in the future, as if another star is out of breath. "

My friend added, "Maybe when I graduate, you will forget me and stop contacting me."

"Even if others forget you, I won't. Just for the city where you will study and work in the future, you can't forget anything if you have food and shelter. " I am serious.

When I know that you can walk into my heart and stay together quietly without embarrassment,

Although I am not around, I will miss you forever. I won't make you feel alienated, and I won't forget you.