Excerpts from humorous jokes

Excerpted from the classic humorous dialogue 1, Xiaoming took Xiaohua to ride a motorcycle for speeding. Policeman: Riding so fast is not afraid of death! Xiao Ming said: No, because God is with me! Policeman: Then I'll write another ticket. Xiaoming: Why? Policeman: threesome, overload!

The patient is not satisfied with his ward. The doctor said, I don't understand why you want to change wards. You know, your neighbor is a famous crosstalk performer in China. The patient interrupted him and said, then cut off your appendix, cover the scar and laugh all day.

3. Two drunks drank too much. A drunk turned on his flashlight and shone into the sky. He said to another man, you, climb up. The other party said that I would be stupid if I didn't climb up. When I climb up, you turn off the flashlight so that I won't fall to my death.

Ajie was startled when he heard a knock at the door when he passed by the cemetery. When he saw a man touching a tombstone, he asked, "What are you doing, old man?" The man said, "They carved my name wrong and I'm correcting it."

5. During the May Day period, the "May Day Golden Porridge" launched by a hotel in a scenic spot cost 5 1 yuan each. A tourist bought it, tasted it and asked, isn't this corn paste? The waiter said: the master who cooks porridge is called gold, also called gold porridge!

6. The hunter taught the boy: Find the hole and shout "Woo" at the hole. If there is a response, it is a bear. The next day, the young man was covered in injuries and said, I found a big hole, shouted "whoops" and the train came out!

7. Xiao Zhao hit someone with his car and argued that it must be your fault. I am a skilled driver and have been driving for 7 years! The pedestrian replied angrily, but I'm not a novice either. I've been gone for 46 years.

8. A person holds a hat in each hand, waiting for others to give alms. Passers-by threw a coin into one hat and asked, What's the other hat for? The man replied: Business has been expanding recently! I decided to open a branch.

9. I'm bored during recess. Some students play with problems. Q: Who is Shixian? A: Li Bai. Q: Who is the poet saint? A: Du Fu. Q: What about Shi Gui? A: Li He. Q: What about the poet king? A passing classmate blurted out: Simba!

10, Tang Priest and his disciples went to a restaurant for alms. Shopkeeper: What can I do for you, old man? Tang Priest said modestly: Others can eat the rest! Wukong: Give me a bowl of leftovers. Friar Sand: Give me a bowl of leftover soup. Bajie: Give me a leftover woman.

1 1, one day, five Fuwa have nothing to do, give yourself a nickname! Beibei said: I am Beibei. Please call me Beva. Jingjing said: My name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: Please call me Huanwa! Nini said: I'll call her Niwa! Yingying said: You talk, I'll go first. ...

Wife: Honey, you put a diamond ring in my socks last Christmas, so I washed your smelly socks for a year. Husband: Wife, I'm going to put the pearl necklace in the chimney this year. You can do all the housework next year!

13. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak passed by in the street without saying hello. Why? If I'm right, I'll treat you to steak at Christmas. The answer is simple: because they are not familiar!

14. When a woman says she has nothing to wear, she means she has nothing "new" to wear. When a man says he has no clothes to wear, he means he has no "clean" clothes to wear.

15, one day after work, my wife spoiled and said to her husband, husband, hug! The son muttered, mom, I want it, too! Mom: This is a magic weapon against your father. Son:? Mom: Honey, I'm hungry. Go and cook!

16, mother snail crawled on the road with a small snail on her back, and finally reached her destination, but the bus that started with them came late. The little snail was very surprised and asked, "Mom, why is the car not as fast as ours?" Mother snail replied, "son, we don't have the trouble of traffic jam."

17, one of my classmates replied that it was about marketing. She found a refrigerator salesman online and changed it into an air conditioner. When she arrived at the meeting, the teacher asked her why the air conditioner was divided into two doors and three doors.

18, miss your face, love your benefits, hate the difficulty of getting you, endure your pain, say nothing, and live for you. Here I say to you deeply: I love you, dear RMB!

19, the thesis I defended is about the silk edition and Chu Jian edition of Laozi. They think I copied it. As a result, I took out an old yellow book from the big cardboard box I carried with me, as well as a thread-bound book older than my tutor, and passed it directly.

20, quarreling with classmates, anxious, so angry: "You think I grew up eating! ? "I asked weakly," What did you eat to grow up? "

2 1, the boy in the front seat suddenly turned around and said to me affectionately, I can't stop thinking about you. At that time, my face was red for two seconds, and I remembered that I had just scolded him: your mind is full of shit!

22. If I had a door, I would take you on a long trip. If I had a door, I would take you to the future. If I had a door, I would take you back to the past. But I don't have any doors, so I will say let's wash and sleep.

23. What I do is circuit design. As a result, four mechanical teachers finished their lectures in five minutes, waiting for the teacher to ask questions. Take my paper and say that your punctuation is wrong, go back and correct it! Collapse!

24. A fashionable lady in a miniskirt walked into a laundry and the shopkeeper stared at her. The young lady waved to the boss proudly and said, go and do your job! The boss said solemnly, miss, this skirt of yours was not washed and shrunk in our shop.

25. The teacher taught the students to share the pain, and let the pain be halved. Let a male classmate give an example. The male classmate thought about it and said, once my dad hit me, I was in pain, so I found fault with my brother and felt much better!

26, the end of the year, to sum up, this year we really can't say that the friendship between us, at home, put you on the desk, go out to let you accompany me, pay for you every month, never feel bad. Oh, cell phone, we are really close!

Wolf: Honey, open the door and let me in. I am your grandmother. This year is your book. I will send you a present, which is my favorite. Rabbit: What's this? The wolf said quickly, this is a good piece of meat.

28. The farmer standing next to the plant waits for the rabbit in the same place every day, but returns empty-handed. At this time, the little grandson said, Grandpa, this year is the Year of the Rabbit, and the rabbits are busy sending blessings to everyone. You can rest for a whole year.

29. What crime did you commit? You irritate the god of wealth too much. He said, on the fifth day of the fifth month, you should block your door with gold, block your window with silver, and bring a truckload of money around you. I advise you not to run away. Turn yourself in.

30. It's almost 25. I heard that the 25th is the Egg Festival. I am from the countryside. I don't know why good people lay eggs, but people say I am not old-fashioned. I wish you a happy egg laying!

3 1, I heard that God will realize your wish to be a wise man next time. Smart people have one characteristic, that is, they are good at doing worthless things vividly. Then when you kiss the rabbit, you must have the spirit of flying!

32. One day, a gentleman selling coal and a lady selling bananas quarreled in the street, and the whole street came to watch the excitement. The lady selling bananas said angrily, please comment. Is there such a person in the world? I shouted: Banana! He called: coal seller.

33. Tintin, who is in a large kindergarten class, especially likes the fat girl Dudu, and has to eat and play games with Dudu. Once, the teacher asked: Ding Ding, why do you always like to be with Dudu? Tintin winked and said, Dudu is as fat as his mother!

34. With double knives in your hand, nunchakus in your waist, snails on your feet, and maltose in your mouth, you gallop in the terraced fields full of Xiang Tao. I asked you if you were pandaren or an orc. You heard the signal from thousands of miles away, saying, I'm a ninja.

35. Mom and Dad are arguing about something. The quarrelsome mother said, "You stand aside." At this moment, the son spoke: "Where's mom?" Have I been there? "

36. Lao Wang found the laundry owner and said angrily, Come and see your masterpiece! With that, he threw a thick rope on the table. The boss looked at it and said, sir, this thick rope is very good! Lao Wang roared: I sent the sheets to be washed.

37. Friends, friends, blessings and greetings need no reason; SMS, SMS, a message to convey the truth; You have a heart, I have a heart, and the two hearts really depend on each other until now; You have feelings, I have feelings, can you invite me to dinner today?

38, physics class learning inertia, the teacher found that a male classmate always looked back at the female classmate, he called him out of the classroom and said: Why do you always look at the female classmate? Male students whispered: I like watching girls since I was a child, maybe it's inertia!

39. One day, Grandpa took off his false teeth and cleaned them. The little grandson looked at them and asked in surprise, Grandpa, can you pull out your teeth, too? Why can't I take off mine? Grandpa smiled: that's a false tooth. The little grandson asked again, when should I install false teeth?

40. Hua called her classmates and asked, Where are you? At McDonald's. Hua politely said a cliche: Hey! Dude, what's delicious? I can smell the fragrance! Classmate A: I'm waiting in line in the bathroom!

4 1. A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and gave her a hug. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home?

Xiaoming, aged 42 and 3, said to Xiaogang, aged 2, "Today is Christmas. Merry Christmas to you! " Xiao Gang said, "I have no eggs to lay. What's coming? Why don't you give me an egg? "

43. I just finished writing my resume and dare not look back for the second time. Not to mention the employer, that is, my mother, my father, my relatives, my whole family and even myself, I can't believe that the person written on it is actually me!

44. While driving, a girl found a police car following her, thinking that she had violated traffic regulations, so she stopped and asked the policeman in the car, "Do you want to talk to me?" "I'm sorry," said the policeman, blushing. "I haven't got off work yet."

45. I will send you a bunch of the most beautiful bells at Christmas and hang them around your neck. When you travel around the world with Santa Claus, the children will say, look, how cute this deer is!

;