Tell me some funny jokes!

1. Son: "Dad, are you free on Friday afternoon?" Dad: "What is it?" Son: "The school will open a micro-parent forum!" "Dad:" What is a micro-parent forum? "Son:" Just the head teacher, you and me! ""2. According to the requirements of the new school, transfer students must fill in the "Transfer Self-evaluation Form". In the column "Have you ever been punished for cheating in the exam", fill in the word "No". The next column is "explain the reason", and Liang Liang continues to write: "I missed my hand." 3. A teacher asked the students, where does this river go? A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward. The teacher ignored him and then said, how many stars are there in the sky? That classmate sang again: the stars in the sky can participate in Beidou. The teacher is short of breath: get out! Student: Just leave. The teacher said helplessly, are you sick? Student: You have everything I have! Teacher: try again ... student: shout when you see an uneven road! One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd. The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?" The man felt puzzled and replied, "Do you have any medicine?" The people in the car snickered! The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?" The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?" The whole car is hilarious! The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh! This is a bus that a friend who works on Zhujiang Road met. There was a woman standing at the door, and a GG came from behind the car to get off. She said to the woman, "Sorry, get off." The woman didn't move. GG stepped on her when she pushed over. As a result, the woman was so fierce that she scolded "You are crazy!" You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to see. GG was silent for a long time. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!" The whole car burst into laughter ~! There are a few funny children behind, constantly accompanying the scene just now. A said, "You are crazy! . . . . . B said, "You repeat the machine." . . . . . The whole car burst into laughter ~! Later, a little MM wanted to get off the bus, too, and squeezed over and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!" The whole car laughed again ~! The woman didn't speak, but said, "Are you out of power?" Coming from the side, the whole car burst into laughter. I went home by bus and found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" Without a few words, I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about the rest." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it over. He said sadly, "boss, this is the only money I have." There are many of you. I'm sure. "6. When the phone rang, the little girl picked up the receiver ... Man:" Hey, baby, it's dad, where's mom? Little girl: "Mom and Uncle Chen are in the upstairs room." "The man said angrily," which uncle chan? Our family doesn't know anyone named Uncle Chen. " The little girl said, "Yes, you come to see your mother's uncle Chen every time after work. After a while, the man said calmly, "Baby, let's play a game." "The little girl said excitedly," OK! "The man said," Go to the room upstairs first, and then shout, "Dad's back!" Then come back and answer the phone. The little girl did, and soon she heard a scream. The little girl answered the phone ... Man: "What's wrong with mom?" Little girl: "mom rushed out of the room when she heard you coming back, accidentally fell down the stairs, and now she doesn't move." The man asked with a little satisfaction, "uncle chan? The little girl said, "I saw him jump out of the window of the room, but he seemed to forget that his father put water in order to clean the swimming pool the day before yesterday, and now he is lying at the bottom of the swimming pool, still motionless." The man was silent for a while. The man said, "swim ... swimming pool ... is the number here 88 1?" . . . . Little girl: No. Man: "Oh, sorry, wrong number!" " 1. There are three people, American, China and Japanese. On this day, the three of them saw God. God wants each of them to pick three fruits. Americans pick first. He picked three big apples. God wants him to swallow it. Of course he can't swallow it. So I choked to death. China is very clever. He picked three small cherries and swallowed them, but when he swallowed the last one, he smiled. Suffocate to death. We'll talk about it later. China and Americans met in heaven. Beauty: "Why are you laughing if you can swallow it?" China: "I saw the Japanese picking three big pineapples ..." 2. A and B flew, broke down and landed on a desert island. The chief of the cannibal on the desert island said, "You can let you go with the same piece of fruit as 100!" ! ! "After a while, A first brought 100 strawberries. Chief: "put them all in your ass and let you go!" " ! ! "A started cramming ... 98 pieces, and nothing happened ... When he stuffed 99 pieces, he smiled" Hehe ... "All the strawberries were sprayed out ... A was killed by the chief ... When he got to heaven, the angel asked A," You only need one piece to avoid death, but why are you laughing? " A said, "Because I saw B bring back 100 durians. An American, a Japanese and an China are exploring the jungle. As a result, they were all arrested by cannibal tribes. But the tribal leader said, "I'm in a good mood today. I won't eat you, but you all have to get a hundred boards, but you can have a wish come true before you get a board." "Americans are the first to get the board. He said, "Before hitting the board, put 1 mat on my ass." Mats, boards rained down; In the past, 70 boards were ok. After the 70-board back cushion was smashed and there was blood on the board ... America always left. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for a 10 mattress. After 1, 2, 3 ... 100, the Japanese got up and patted their ass, nothing happened; Then he boasted about his imitation ability and re-creation ability with a smelly mouth, and wanted to sit in a Chinese drama. China people slowly get down and say slowly, "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."